The Writer's Block

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)
-   Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)
-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

MaryElizabeth 05-10-2013 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 457423)
it kind of felt like everything was on hold.

happiness, on hold.
stress, on hold.
caring, on hold.
depression, on hold.

and then it just came rushing back in

im scared you'll see me for how i see myself one day, i'm scared /all/ of you will. im scared you'll all just leave me and i'm just waiting for it to happen. i need someone to prove to me that i'm worthless. my parents screaming at me isn't enough, and it doesn't make sense, but i need someone i care about to just leave me because i need something to trigger me into killing myself. i'm so fed up with all this shit, all of it. there's a noose dangling in front of my face, tempting me so badly, but there's a person there gripping tight on to me but it's almost come to the point where i care more about death than the person trying to save me from it.
i just want someone to prove me right, that i'm worthless so i won't have to live with this fucking bullshit anymore
can people just leave me alone
not because i dont care about them, because i don't want to be here anymore

I feel close to exactly the same. But we need to hold on for just a bit more. It just seems ridiculous sometimes, when we console each other but want to bring a handful of pills to our mouths at the same time. Lily, I want so badly to end it all, but we need to stick it out for each other. There are people, including myself, that care about you so much. A suicide in a community is so traumatizing. A boy from my brother's high school overdosed last summer. It was jarring for everyone, but there are still kids who make jokes about cutting, and depression, and say "emo". We need to stick it out so that all of us fucked up kids can hold each others' hands for as long as possible. I think about suicide every day, Lily. I want to do it so badly. But I can't do it. Even the worthless, the friendless, the meaningless, their lives matter. A homeless man can commit suicide and it has a great effect on everyone in the vicinity. You need to stick it out, and I'll be there for you the whole way.

evasong 05-11-2013 12:13 AM

Realising I like my favourite band because they are just like some happy and completely dysfunctional family that have the best times together and I'm just... me, the only child. I guess that's why I turn to music.

MaryElizabeth 05-11-2013 01:26 AM

okay iím feeling better at one in the morning

iím working on my letter to gerard and iím gonna go to a little pharmacy down the road to buy stickers Ďcause he tweeted that heíd like those in his letters and iím listening to the black parade (one of my favorite albums of all time in case you couldnít tell by my icon)

also iím going to go on a all time low interview marathon because theyíre awesome and iím gonna cry over the fact that i have no idea when the next time iíll be able to see them will be

and iíve been thinking that since i have no talent to become a musician maybe i could be a dirt poor tour manager for a cool little band during the year and work at warped tour which sounds like a sad life for most but that sounds fucking amazing to me and i could still go to college but do what i want afterwards

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457353)
I am not going to do this in small white text, because I don't care that much.

I hate myself.

I'm not smart enough, or pretty enough, or nice enough, or talented or funny enough for anybody, least of all myself.

Most people dislike me.

See, the problem is I would dislike me too in their places.

I hate the way I manage to fuck up everything on my part when others rely on me.

I hate the way I am over-confident and then fail.

I hate the way I'm not confident enough and I regret it.

I hate the way I interact with people.

I hate the way I don't interact with people.

I hate the way I talk.

I hate how much I talk.

I hate how little I talk.

I hate how I look like a four-year-old

I hate how I sound like a four-year-old

I hate how I act like a four-year-old when I don't get my way

I hate how nice I am to people when I should hit them

I hate how I hit people who I should be nice too

I hate how I pretend to be someone I'm not

I hate it when I expose my real side to people

I hate that I eat

I hate that I hate that I eat

I hate self-harming myself

I hate how much I cry

I hate how much I bottle up.

I hate how weak I am.





I want to be stronger and wiser and better, but I honestly don't have the strength or courage anymore. And if I did, I would have other things to worry about.

sorry for this rant.

Don't be sorry.

Sometimes we just need to splurge and this was the correct place to do it.

I may not be very helpful, being you don't really know me, and I am just not that great of an advice giver, but I hope you realize that these are all the things you hate. What about the things we like? You're friends, on KP. I am sure there are many, and I am willing to search to find that gem. I don't know about you :)

LaurenM 05-11-2013 05:12 AM

Life is nice nowadays. My troubles are homework and that I have no motivation to do it, and that's all.

HeatherB 05-11-2013 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 457417)
My alleged best friend makes jokes like that all the time. And whenever I try to open up and be honest about my problems, she dismisses it, condescends me, or just calls me weird.

I know what you mean. I just want to escape. But breaking down and letting it all out isn't usually a good feeling, not in my experience. That's terrible advice, and everyone else tells me that I shouldn't bottle things up, but when I end up making a scene, or I'm belittled when I try and calmly tell people about "what's wrong". Don't let anyone force you into talking about your issues, unless you completely and utterly trust them. You could open up to me or Isaac or any other online friend, but you don't have to talk to someone about it, even though your therapist makes you. Just don't take anyone's shit, okay?

that must be shit.

but then it would get easier, because i would actually have excuse to go and kill myself-- like, oh, yeah, she's crazy, we don't care about her anymore, i mean we used to kinda but now who the fuck knows what she's even doing and she probably just wants attention and blah blah blah and then i could go and die on everyone without feeling much guilt because wow, whatever, that was just the crazy chick from yonder back.

AlgebraAddict 05-11-2013 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457420)
Don't be sorry.
What happened to the old Esther? I miss her a lot. I want you to be happy again.



I really want to be happy, too. And I am trying. The nice thing is that very small things make me happy. Like my little brother giving me a kiss on the cheek. Or a box of Spree. Or sunbathing on the roof.

I really hope that the little things will add up.

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 11:56 AM

http://media-cache-ec2.pinimg.com/73...1633d43759.jpg

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 457602)
It's been a while since I've posted on this. Before I was trying to write long rants, but they all became off-topic.

To put it simply: I just want a friend. I want a life. I want to go to school happy and walk home with someone. I want to do something other than crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to embarrass myself in gym class. I don't want to sit alone at lunch. I don't want to fail my math tests. I don't want to be an outcast. I don't want to be ugly. I don't want people to compliment me on things that we both know I am bad at.

I'm not looking for attention or sympathy. Please. I want a reason why.

I'm sorry Jesse ):

We all want friends. And we all want good ones--real ones. I am in your position, only, I am in another country (recently moved to Europe), and I am home schooled (can't walk home with anyone and is kind of cooped up in the house all day). I understand you're pain. It sucks. But I have found out that KidPub has helped me a lot, and my writing. Me and my writing is so close, it's almost like my characters are my friends (forget the cheeziness of it, but it's true ;))

I haven't really met you , or got to know you, but if you need a friend... go to Ash. Nah, I am kidding. You can come to me too. I am totally open to anyone.

Sorry. Not much help. Eh. I sound like those crappy motivational speakers.

DANG GIRL, WHY DO YOU STINK!

Jesse 05-11-2013 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 457604)
I'm sorry Jesse ):

We all want friends. And we all want good ones--real ones. I am in your position, only, I am in another country (recently moved to Europe), and I am home schooled (can't walk home with anyone and is kind of cooped up in the house all day). I understand you're pain. It sucks. But I have found out that KidPub has helped me a lot, and my writing. Me and my writing is so close, it's almost like my characters are my friends (forget the cheeziness of it, but it's true ;))

I haven't really met you , or got to know you, but if you need a friend... go to Ash. Nah, I am kidding. You can come to me too. I am totally open to anyone.

Sorry. Not much help. Eh. I sound like those crappy motivational speakers.

DANG GIRL, WHY DO YOU STINK!

Thank you. That was really helpful. And it didn't sound too cheesy.

Thanks. c:

No, it helped. Thank you.

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 457606)
Thank you. That was really helpful. And it didn't sound too cheesy.

Thanks. c:

No, it helped. Thank you.

*clicks tongue and points fingers in gun motion*

Yesh!

L.S.Trendom 05-11-2013 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 457602)
It's been a while since I've posted on this. Before I was trying to write long rants, but they all became off-topic.

To put it simply: I just want a friend. I want a life. I want to go to school happy and walk home with someone. I want to do something other than crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to embarrass myself in gym class. I don't want to sit alone at lunch. I don't want to fail my math tests. I don't want to be an outcast. I don't want to be ugly. I don't want people to compliment me on things that we both know I am bad at.

I'm not looking for attention or sympathy. Please. I want a reason why.

*hugs* I only really have good friends online, I know how that feelsÖ
So what if you embarrass yourself in gym class? That's okay. I totally do, too. I'm sorry people at lunch don't realise how awesome you are. :/ Failing math tests doesn't equal being stupid, it doesn't even mean you're bad at math, it just means you're not doing well in the math portion of school. You're not an outcast here, at leastÖ You're not ugly, you look just fine, you're nice and you're funny and you're a good person and a great writer.

LaurenM 05-12-2013 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457550)
I really want to be happy, too. And I am trying. The nice thing is that very small things make me happy. Like my little brother giving me a kiss on the cheek. Or a box of Spree. Or sunbathing on the roof.

I really hope that the little things will add up.

/hugs. I suddenly thought of a weird idea. You can start from 0, add numbers (on a scale of 1 to 10 per event) if you're happy, and subtract if you're sad.
Just a weird idea.

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457795)
/hugs. I suddenly thought of a weird idea. You can start from 0, add numbers (on a scale of 1 to 10 per event) if you're happy, and subtract if you're sad.
Just a weird idea.

I've done that sometimes. It does help.



Here goes a random little rant of mine again.

You know what's keeping me going?

Music helps, but it's not it.

School helps, but it's not it.

Friends help, but they're not it.

My sister and best friend help, but they're not it.



It's the future. Tomorrow. And I guess I'm happy, just right now. You know what I want to do when I turn eighteen? I want to get a nose piercing, a pen and comp book, a music player, a Starbucks gift card, and get out of the house. Go to the northwest coast and write. Write my heart out. I've always wanted to write poetry. I want to go somewhere where it rains 24/7 and there are trees. Trees. I haven't seen a tree over a hundred feet in years. I want to go where there's moss and clouds and mist so thick you can't see anything except the long, foggy, street ahead of you, and it feels like you're walking through a cloud and the fragrance of rain is all around you. I want to wrap myself up in a sensory overload of beauty and music rain and trees and a mixture of steamed milk and espresso and vanilla and hazelnut in the mornings when the fog is thickest. Because, you know, that's me. That is really and truly me. Not this faded illusion of myself that meanders through everyday life, awkward and miserable. I want to be beautiful.

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457798)
I've done that sometimes. It does help.



Here goes a random little rant of mine again.

You know what's keeping me going?

Music helps, but it's not it.

School helps, but it's not it.

Friends help, but they're not it.

My sister and best friend help, but they're not it.



It's the future. Tomorrow. And I guess I'm happy, just right now. You know what I want to do when I turn eighteen? I want to get a nose piercing, a pen and comp book, a music player, a Starbucks gift card, and get out of the house. Go to the northwest coast and write. Write my heart out. I've always wanted to write poetry. I want to go somewhere where it rains 24/7 and there are trees. Trees. I haven't seen a tree over a hundred feet in years. I want to go where there's moss and clouds and mist so thick you can't see anything except the long, foggy, street ahead of you, and it feels like you're walking through a cloud and the fragrance of rain is all around you. I want to wrap myself up in a sensory overload of beauty and music rain and trees and a mixture of steamed milk and espresso and vanilla and hazelnut in the mornings when the fog is thickest. Because, you know, that's me. That is really and truly me. Not this faded illusion of myself that meanders through everyday life, awkward and miserable. I want to be beautiful.

O.o

* miniature heart attack*

Dang....... that was good.

LaurenM 05-12-2013 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457798)
I've done that sometimes. It does help.



Here goes a random little rant of mine again.

You know what's keeping me going?

Music helps, but it's not it.

School helps, but it's not it.

Friends help, but they're not it.

My sister and best friend help, but they're not it.



It's the future. Tomorrow. And I guess I'm happy, just right now. You know what I want to do when I turn eighteen? I want to get a nose piercing, a pen and comp book, a music player, a Starbucks gift card, and get out of the house. Go to the northwest coast and write. Write my heart out. I've always wanted to write poetry. I want to go somewhere where it rains 24/7 and there are trees. Trees. I haven't seen a tree over a hundred feet in years. I want to go where there's moss and clouds and mist so thick you can't see anything except the long, foggy, street ahead of you, and it feels like you're walking through a cloud and the fragrance of rain is all around you. I want to wrap myself up in a sensory overload of beauty and music rain and trees and a mixture of steamed milk and espresso and vanilla and hazelnut in the mornings when the fog is thickest. Because, you know, that's me. That is really and truly me. Not this faded illusion of myself that meanders through everyday life, awkward and miserable. I want to be beautiful.

I'm the reverse.

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 457803)
O.o

* miniature heart attack*

Dang....... that was good.


Thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457806)
I'm the reverse.


Come to New Mexico. Where it's dry and hot and windy and it's seriously hard to feel calm and/or romantic.

LaurenM 05-12-2013 01:51 AM

Nature is far away from my home, near the north of Hong Kong, so Iget bored all the time as well.

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457808)
Nature is far away from my home, near the north of H


Same here. Not that where I live has any nature to speak of, except for the bosque, of course.

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 01:54 AM

Romania is rain and rain.... and then blistering sun after blistering sun.... then more rain.... a nice day... maybe a cloud?.... THUNDERSTORM.

LaurenM 05-12-2013 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457810)
Same here. Not that where I live has any nature to speak of, except for the bosque, of course.

I have a tiny tiny mountain near my home, but it's crazily noisy there due to the contraction of a new railway of the mass transit system.

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 01:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 457812)
Romania is rain and rain.... and then blistering sun after blistering sun.... then more rain.... a nice day... maybe a cloud?.... THUNDERSTORM.

I want to live in Romania. Besides, the language is so pretty. AND OH MY GOD ROMANIAN ACCENTS.

Okay, now I'm just stereotyping, but hey. XD


Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457814)
I have a tiny tiny mountain near my home, but it's crazily noisy there due to the contraction of a new railway of the mass transit system.


I think I'm pretty much in the middle of the city. XD No nature so to speak of. But school is right in the middle of the cottonwood forest (bosque). But this is hardly my idea of a perfectly romantic forest.

http://www.santaanadnr.org/media/rest_sarg-bosque.jpg

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457815)
I want to live in Romania. Besides, the language is so pretty. AND OH MY GOD ROMANIAN ACCENTS.

Okay, now I'm just stereotyping, but hey. XD





I think I'm pretty much in the middle of the city. XD No nature so to speak of. But school is right in the middle of the cottonwood forest (bosque). But this is hardly my idea of a perfectly romantic forest.

http://www.santaanadnr.org/media/rest_sarg-bosque.jpg

This is a lot of what Romania is:
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...2CGmtayqyqBwNs

But I live in this:
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...IgN1ob1dShormA

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 457821)




In the daytime, it's relatively boring.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...uquerque_2.jpg



At night, there's a more interesting view from the roof (where I spend most of my time).


http://en.academic.ru/pictures/enwik...ntownNight.jpg

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457823)
In the daytime, it's relatively boring.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...uquerque_2.jpg



At night, there's a more interesting view from the roof (where I spend most of my time).


http://en.academic.ru/pictures/enwik...ntownNight.jpg

Nice :)

I sort of miss my home in the Quad Cities. And it's a boring town. Boring. But I miss it's boringness....

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 02:17 AM

I miss living in San Diego. But it was SO FREAKING HOT.


Okay, goodnight to y'all.

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457826)
I miss living in San Diego. But it was SO FREAKING HOT.


Okay, goodnight to y'all.

Noapte Buna :D

Sandy 05-12-2013 02:22 AM

sarcasm
 
Y'ALL NEED TO GET YO'SELVES SOME ROMANTIC SNOW
http://nationalpostnews.files.wordpr...pg?w=940&h=705

This snow is the most romantic thing ever.

No time for romance up here. We're too busy shoveling snow and chilling in -0 Celsius temperatures. IN MAY. (*flails*)

TheAshWolf 05-12-2013 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457830)
Y'ALL NEED TO GET YO'SELVES SOME ROMANTIC SNOW
http://nationalpostnews.files.wordpr...pg?w=940&h=705

This snow is the most romantic thing ever.

No time for romance up here. We're too busy shoveling snow and chilling in -0 Celsius temperatures. IN MAY. (*flails*)

o_o

.........Global cooling?

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457830)
Y'ALL NEED TO GET YO'SELVES SOME ROMANTIC SNOW
http://nationalpostnews.files.wordpr...pg?w=940&h=705

This snow is the most romantic thing ever.

No time for romance up here. We're too busy shoveling snow and chilling in -0 Celsius temperatures. IN MAY. (*flails*)

Thanks, but, nah....

I will stick to the changing temperatures and shifts in our weather :D

Sandy 05-12-2013 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 457832)
o_o

.........Global cooling?

It seems so. 8I
It actually seems more like winter is moving further and further back in the year. It's coming later and leaving later. e_e

TheAshWolf 05-12-2013 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457839)
It seems so. 8I
It actually seems more like winter is moving further and further back in the year. It's coming later and leaving later. e_e

And people still say we're not affecting the weather patterns. ^_^

Sandy 05-12-2013 02:43 AM

Thread...

(*hugs thread*)



e_e


I think the only person who acknowledges my existence these days is Swiffer.
It's like I'm invisible, and everything is just passing me by...
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6x67o6g8C1ro2tvu.gif

I feel like I'm watching people's lives sweep them away... and I'm just sitting here... whining about being lonely.
(*has been really depressed lately*)
=________=

TheAshWolf 05-12-2013 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457844)
Thread...

(*hugs thread*)



e_e


I think the only person who acknowledges my existence these days is Swiffer.
It's like I'm invisible, and everything is just passing me by...
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6x67o6g8C1ro2tvu.gif

I feel like I'm watching people's lives sweep them away... and I'm just sitting here... whining about being lonely.
(*has been really depressed lately*)
=________=

CANADAAAAAA! <:^C *would give you a Germany hug GIF if one existed* *hugs you anyway*

I'm sorry you've been depressed. D: *feels useless* But...you know, Sandy, it goes without saying that I "acknowledge your existence these days"...right? I know I'm just a bunch of text on a screen to you most of the time, but....is there anything you think I can do to cheer you up?

And you're NOT whining. o_o Now, HIM...*points to my dog* He's the one that's whining right now. TIGER BE QUIET...I know you want to go to sleep.... -_-

Arin 05-12-2013 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457844)
Thread...

(*hugs thread*)



e_e


I think the only person who acknowledges my existence these days is Swiffer.
It's like I'm invisible, and everything is just passing me by...
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6x67o6g8C1ro2tvu.gif

I feel like I'm watching people's lives sweep them away... and I'm just sitting here... whining about being lonely.
(*has been really depressed lately*)
=________=

D: Don't feel depressed, Sandy! *hands happy*

AlgebraAddict 05-12-2013 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457844)
Thread...

(*hugs thread*)



e_e


I think the only person who acknowledges my existence these days is Swiffer.
It's like I'm invisible, and everything is just passing me by...
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6x67o6g8C1ro2tvu.gif

I feel like I'm watching people's lives sweep them away... and I'm just sitting here... whining about being lonely.
(*has been really depressed lately*)
=________=


*aims cannon*

*fires a truckload of happys*


We acknowledge you. If other people don't, they are sure as hell more messed up than you.

bookworm1999 05-12-2013 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 457844)
Thread...

(*hugs thread*)



e_e


I think the only person who acknowledges my existence these days is Swiffer.
It's like I'm invisible, and everything is just passing me by...
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6x67o6g8C1ro2tvu.gif

I feel like I'm watching people's lives sweep them away... and I'm just sitting here... whining about being lonely.
(*has been really depressed lately*)
=________=

Sandy! Sandy! SANDY.

I am totally willing to get to know you more. I feel pretty 'acquainted' not so much 'best buddies'. I seriously need to read VM and and I seriously need to get to indulge your awesomeness.

Do not worry.

I do not sound this ecstatic and stupid. I had a bad/busy day with helping my sister who has a swollen ankle through a field and afterward picking dang poppies for my mom and sneezing up a storm meanwhile. ._. And I am trying to finish a stupid chapter.

Arin 05-12-2013 03:27 PM

.__. I've been getting less comments, lately. I really wish I didn't think it was a big deal. I know that people get this problem, and that people also have more important problems in their life... I just wish I could get more CC. I advertise--not trying to sound selfish or anything, but. adfkjl; I just don't know what to do. XD I got a lot more comments when I very first joined.

camikat 05-12-2013 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arin (Post 457918)
.__. I've been getting less comments, lately. I really wish I didn't think it was a big deal. I know that people get this problem, and that people also have more important problems in their life... I just wish I could get more CC. I advertise--not trying to sound selfish or anything, but. adfkjl; I just don't know what to do. XD I got a lot more comments when I very first joined.

It's a comment drought, I'm afraid. :^/ Advertise on AN, put a link in your signature, enter your story in a contest/book review business, do a story swap...sorry, it's all the help I can come up with.

Arin 05-12-2013 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by camikat (Post 457927)
It's a comment drought, I'm afraid. :^/ Advertise on AN, put a link in your signature, enter your story in a contest/book review business, do a story swap...sorry, it's all the help I can come up with.

How do you put a link into your sig?


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