I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS.
I'm already falling asleep at my desk as is and know I get less sleep than before.
What the hell is the point of daylight savings except to screw with everyone?

I would help, but you know this isn't my area.

i'm sorry i know i shouldn't feel bad there's no reason for me to be upset i'm just stupid
it's fine you don't need to help me
my therapist is just...... whatever
i'm scared she's going to hate me if she digs too deep
but she'll hate me if i don't let her try to find what she thinks is my 'problem'
at this point why should i even care about the cause of my depression?
the fact is that i have it
and taking three pills a day isn't helping me not feel like shit
so let's ignore the cause
and try to find a better solution
which everyone thinks is hidden in the cause
well
fuck them
i know myself better than anyone
and i'm not letting myself let go of my self hate
it's the only thing that's keeping me sane

*whispers* yo if the anti-depressants aren't helping i think you're supposed to switch to a diff med?
*hugs u* well i'm never gonna hate you

if those anti depressants aren't helping revise them, switch or whatever, you need to tell your psychiatrist ( i assume a psychiatrist not a psychologist gives you the scripts idk that's what happens here ) that it's not working and yeah

<3

The thing about depression is that a lot of the time, it's caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. NOT something that happened to you years ago, NOT something someone did to you, NOT something that's hidden in your life. It's a physical health problem that effects your mood and mindset.

Heather? If the meds you're taking aren't helping, you need to make your doctor give you something else. Even if it takes longer to get them to stop digging into your past and stuff, AT LEAST get them to write you a new prescription. That should be really easy.

Yeah I know with what we're capable of we'd probably make a bigger mess.
But hey thanks ^-^

so i told the school counselor. She attacked and blackmailed me with brain scanning and kept me in for a million sessions and made me tell her everything under pain of telling my parents, and then she told me that I was a shitty friend and being a bitch by burdening my friends with all my shit. And then she told me that my mind is screwed up.

And so then I told my mother who filed a complaint against her and idk it's better now but seriously I am sitll pissed off because i tell myself that stuff enough i don't need other people confirming my hypothesis that i am worthless

It's okay, I'm used to it
I'm virtually invisible? Fine, be that way, I'm used to it.
Listing everyone but me? It's fine, I'm used to it.
Having a little place where the rest of you hang out? You know, that one you never even thought to invite me to? Ha! It's fine, I'm used to it by now.
I'm so goddamn tired of being a bitch because I'm envious.
I'm goddamn envious, okay?
I feel like such a goddamn attention whore.
I have friends, don't I? So what's the goddamn problem?
I'm tired of caring about shit like this.
I'm tired of, on one hand, having bonds,
But on the other, not thinking they're good enough.
Why the fuck do I care if those two are better friends than them and I?
I'm such a goddamn controversial bitch, and I'm fucking tired of it.
I'm tired of referring to them as goddamn stupid bastards
When I'm actually fucking envious.
I'm an ungrateful bitch, okay?
And I feel like a fucking attention whore for even posting this.
I'm jealous. I hate to admit it, but I am.
I feel like your average goddamn teenage bitch right now.
You know, that one possessive bitch that gets jealous every time you make a new friend that she doesn't have.
What the hell am I jealous of, anyway?
And it's so hard to fucking admit it, because I'm so goddamn proud (and NOT in a good way) that I want to fucking cry.
I won't accept any help, because I have too much fucking pride.
The line between my hatred and my envy is blurred, and my pride denies everything.
I feel like I fade, day by day. The original me. My humanity.
I'm barely a fucking teenager and I don't feel like a child at all anymore,
But on the other hand, I feel that that's all this is. Me being childish.
I write this shit off as hormones.
I have no right to feel this way.
I'm such a fucking child.
I don't even understand myself.
So how should I know squat about the world?
I barely live in it.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm inconsiderate, I'm controversial, and I'm slowly going deeper.
What the hell, me?
This is stupid, anyway. It's not like my goddamn feelings matter.
I'm so fucking controversial.
I just keep rambling on about my worthless crap.
I don't even know how to end this shitty post.
I'm such a fucking moron.
I don't even know.

holy fuck stay away from her good on your mother for filing a complaint counsellor's aren't supposed to be bastards

ahhhh you arent worthless ;-;

i just don't want to be on meds at all. i think therapy depresses me more, honestly. i was getting along fine without my therapist to point out and pick up on all my myriad insufficiencies.
and going back to medication... i don't want to be on it. i don't see a difference on or off. it's a waste of my parents' money-- god knows i do that enough already. and i was fine before meds. i was fine before anyone and everyone knew about my therapy and my depression and my anxiety. i know how to deal with myself. i know what to do if i'm having an anxiety or depressive attack. i can take care of myself. medication throws me off. i don't need to take four pills a night to function.
he sort of knows already.
i made him keep me on the meds so my parents wouldn't worry.
i don't know. see above.

and thanks to all of you for the responses/support. it does mean a lot to me, knowing that you care, even if you can't do much about it.
well that's a really fucking shit thing to do i'm sorry *hugs*
and hey just for the record you are not a shit friend and i happen to LIKE knowing when bad stuff is happening in my friends' lives so it's not a burden at all. if your mind is screwed up... i can't speak for that one, really. but i know lots of wonderful people who think they're worthless, and i do think that that counts as your mind being screwed up at least in terms of self-esteem. i'm really glad your mother filed that complaint. you are NOT worthless. you have low self esteem and that bitch didn't help things, obviously, but you deserve better.

This is why I don't like school counselors.

One time I went to a school where things just weren't working out: the school wasn't all they promised it would be, we already didn't like the cirriculum, and I wasn't very old (but I guess I was still mature for my age).

So she took me in her room and made me cry about problems that are petty to me now and, now that I think about it, that's probably one of the first times I really started to feel someone else's blame fall on me. I was the one who was doing bad in school because there was something wrong in my head? I was the one who didn't handle the situation "correctly" by losing it? (I WAS WITH A COUNSELOR CRYING MY HEART OUT I'M NOT SPOCK) I was the one to blame? It was me all along? It's all my fault? It's all my fault!!!

In the end, I had to name a voice in my head and ended up with a red face all day. Nothing got solved and ever since then I never went to a guidance counselor again. This is exactly why I don't ask anyone for help: I waste time, make them feel bad, and nothing gets done anyway. I should probably stop now because I already kind of feel bad. Anyways, good luck with your life, everybody.

Ellieeeeeee (*hugs*) do you need another hug? D: don't be sad please (*nother huggle*) I'm your friend okay please don't feel like that. You should come on more so I can huggle you everyday. (*hugs tight and doesn't let go*)

OKAY I'M SORRY BUT you write beautifully even when you're venting omg Ena don't.
Just don't.

(*hugs*) i understand how that feels ;-;
this is a rubbish attempt at consolation but i don't know how to help you other than
well we all deserve to be happy cami (*hugs again*)
and i really hope you can stay strong and get back to being happy and know that you still are worth even if you think you aren't
changing is hard. i don't know if anyone has the energy to do it. but i hope you figure it out c: hang in there, kay?

guys i just want to say that all of you are amazing and sometimes life is a bitch who just wants to slap around all of the good people and make them feel like they're not worth it
but honestly, they're worth it. they're beyond worth it.
you're beyond worth it. all of you. life is just being a stereotypical, overly-hormonal teenage girl right now who happens to see you guys as targets because life always targets the best.
stay strong, no matter what shit you're going through, because you're all amazing mmkay <3
and i'm bad at comforting but you are all fricking awesome people who don't deserve this at all.

hey guess who this message also goes for????
YOU
you are freaking amazing and you don't deserve to feel bad about yourself and you are worth fighting for, you're worth fighting for yourself, and you can and will win this war we call life.
*hugs*

This place is so depressing.

so i tried to do the thing and here i am

*hugses*
Do you want to talk about it?

When I was a little girl, I killed a butterfly
I tried to take care of it
It came in a little kit and I raised it from a cocoon
but I messed up
I got too close
If I'd let it be
If I hadn't touched it, torn it's fragile wings, that butterfly could be okay
But I watched it wither away.
I didn't know how to help it so I let it die
It was the most beautiful thing, and it was gone, gone in a week
We tried to release it, but it was done
It was too weak, too damaged
The wind ripped it apart.
You're my butterfly
And if I wasn't in your life, you'd be fine
You'd never have to worry
You wouldn't care if I wasn't eating
If I was lying awake at night with a razor in my hand
If I was huddled in a corner shaking and trying to block out the voices in my head

I'm sorry, butterfly
I'm sorry you can't be free
You have to make the most of me

Because I'm broken
And I'm breaking you.

asdfghjkl;' I don't know

how are you ^_^

@AA: wow you wrote that wow yes okay *cries bc i cant write*

why are friends and people and emotions so confusing

eww drama i'm so sorry (*hugs*)
I really don't know the answer to that but I'm sorry situations like that can really suck :c
I hope you figure everything out

i'm sorry.

i forgot to do my homework again.
i already have a really low grade in this class.
i can't do extra credit unless i've done all of the work.
i wish none of this mattered.

idek right (*hug*)

AA that was the
most amazing vent ever.

I feel so... useless. I can't write a single poem right, and am getting frustrated each time I attempt to write a poem, but fail.

I'm so disappointed with myself. I just took a test, and forgot two of the questions! Ugh! I'll probably get under a 90. I'll never forgive myself for forgetting those questions! They were so easy! The one that I did fill out was supposed to take the place of the other question, but I put it in the opposite blank!

I'm fine. Just stressed about exams.

ahhh good luck! ^_^ I'm sure you'll be fine you're pretty intelligent:cool:

all my life i've thought that people have put too much pressure on me to be perfect.
and now i realize how wrong i was.
people haven't pressured me to be perfect.
i've pressured myself to be perfect.
and then when people told me i was perfect, i cringed away in disbelief.
i thought i could never live up to their standards.
i was wrong.
their standards i can meet with sacrifice, distraction, procrastination, and manipulation.
but i'll never be good enough for myself.
i'll never meet my own standards, i'll never be perfect enough.
i beat myself up over the smallest things.
and then my dad gets mad at me.
but i thought that's what he wanted me to be.
it's what i want myself to be.
perfect.
if i don't beat myself up, how will i ever improve?
i won't.
and they'll hate me even more.
but god, i'm such a hypocrite.
i've told people for ages that there's no point in striving for perfection, because it doesn't exist.
i still believe that--
for them.
but for me, myself, i keep trying.
i keep trying to better myself, and in order to, i throw myself down to the bottom so that i may climb to the top.
it's the only thing i know how to do, really.

Every day, I care less and less. About school, grades, life. Don't you just hate it whenever you try so hard to please everyone around you and be a great person and crap and then everyone decides to focus on all of your mistakes and downfalls.

It's just a wonderful feeling.

some people might think it sad that i have only one person in my life who i can trust utterly and completely

but holy shit she is the most amazing person in the world


i was scared and had problems and I was going to just break down so I walked by her classes just to see her face and she saw i was upset so she just walked out of her class and sat down held me until i was okay


and also someone random on the street told me I looked like Lauren Bacall so omfg yes

That is a good friend. My best friends are more trollish and I don't really talk to them about my issues. Although, there is one person who does ask if I'm OK (mostly in maths, for some reason numbers disagree with me) that's just lovely, and people in my school are too focused on their education to do that.

wow that's amazing you can't walk out of class without getting 47895858 detentions though?

that's so great though :D
Mine take everything as a joke lmao

ABout maths, everytime I walk into that classroom I just start crying because though I love maths I am not good at it in any respects. Which is interesting