guys. guys guys guys.
i'm so freaking depressed right now
what do i do
the only place it'll actually go away is kp and my church group
and the problem is my mom thinks kp is a sort of refuge (which it is, but) she says to balance my time between the real world and kp
so now my time is cut down by like 80%
and when i need you guys most too
cause i think i might have freaking depression
and my mother doesn't even get it
and she thinks it's the lack of sleep that's getting to me
so now i have to go to bed at 10 each evening
with only 30 minutes of kp time
and she's also restricting the use of my phone
and i'm so hella depressed why does she shut me off from my real actual friends when i need them the most
and i just wanna punch her
or someone
or me
not to mention that i tried to cut but then i didn't cause i am a coward
and cough anyways is it just me or do i have depression
i've been pulling cs in school
though i'm a straight a student usually
and turning assignments in late
and the most freaking frustrating thing is that
i don't even know what the hell is causing this depression
i only know i don't go a day without hating my life
and school, though i used to like school
or at least i used to think it was okay
but now i just want the summer vacation to come soon
but i still have a good 3 months to go before i'm going anywhere
and did i mention i am so freaking depressed
help

I feel like throwing a book across the room and then running away. My parents don't understand one word i say, and force me to do my homework, when they told me to take a break.

oh jill
i dont know what to say
ima miss you you know
now you cant come to my bday party :(
(well okay kind of unrealistic but who cares)
i really dont know what to say
because its not okay
im like,
trying to figure out how you can sneak on
bc we need you here <3
and i cant tell you to please stay
bc you have no say in the matter
and i cant say goodbye either
bc thats way to depressing and
im determined to figure out how to make you stay
bc youre like epyk
yeah i dont know
but im gonna miss you
im positive of that

Envy? Why envy?

ok so i dont think she noticed that the scissors are missing which is really really good

and now there are cuts all over my forearms. let's hope she doesn't notice those, either

Tw I Think Tw
 

heather
qwjiaskziheaksdn i wish there were something i could say to make you feel better
but i know there's not, because i am useless with words
i
i dont know
i just want everyone to get better, i just want all of us to feel happy




good news i got onto the kids helpline thing last night bc stress and i was so ready to just end it but i didn't and those people are so nice
the only thing i dont like is the whole duty of care thing so they have to contact police if you're seriously ready to kill yourself/kill someone else (sitting there with a note in one hand and the method in the other) but it's never gotten to that stage when i'm with them

my cat came in last time and i just hugged him for like 3 hours

I'm really glad you managed to find some nice people to help you!! Our emotional state is just as important as our physical state it's good to know that you're not doing too bad, pluzzle. :p

I'm not just talking to pluzzle when I say this but I've come to realize that there are so many kids/teenagers who feels helpless and alone. But just think about it. If all of us feel really alone, is anyone really? We all feel the same thing. Sure once in a while, we feel like we've had enough and that's OK. But the important think is to THINK RATIONALLY. Because when we don't, we do stupid things. No one's denying it. Everyone knows it.

Kids take their lives because they've felt like they just don't belong but that is definitely not true. "A land that only sees sunshine becomes a desert." And its true. We all have horrible days. Sometimes they're necessary to "keep the balance" as they say (bear with my cheesiness xD) God knows I try my best to act calmly and treat other kindly but there's always a day where you just feel horrible.

So I'm addressing you guys, random people that I don't really know. It's OK to feel bad once in a while but never forget that there's always someone else out there, suffering just as much as you. You might not feel like there is. You might feel like nobody understands you and you might feel like you hate yourself. Maybe you think you're useless or that everyone hates you, that you're not worth it. You might even feel like harming yourself. BUT DON'T. Please don't. Take this from a complete stranger, someone you don't know and someone who doesn't know you. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. Because every human being on this planet has that right, no matter where they live.

So if you're down, read this. Because you should know that you're not alone when you feel emotional pain so strong, it almost feels physical. Our darkest thoughts come when we're mad and frustrated, but DON'T LET IT GET TO YOUR HEAD. Because you all know the outcome if you do.

Everyone is important. No matter who you are. No matter where you live. No matter how smart you are. No matter what you look like. Heck, I don't even look that great but I've come to ACCEPT and RESPECT who I am. Not for the people around me, but for me. Not because I'm selfish, because I want to be OK with how I am.

Wherever you live, know that you are loved. By me. By others. I don't know you but I know that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Harming yourself will bring you nothing but more pain. Life feels like a joke sometimes but it isn't. Don't take this precious gift for granted. "Life is only precious because it's short" and that is very true.

There are too many kids who feel alone and I hate that. I hate that you feel like you're useless because you're not. It frustrates me when I see people who just hate themselves and who they are because you are awesome. You've always been awesome. And you always will be awesome. No matter what anyone says, YOU ARE AWESOME. You are most definitely a great person, even though I don't know you. I know you are a human being and you are capable of making the right choices for yourself.

People bully for reasons I can't quite understand but it is important to understand that no matter what anyone says, you deserve to live and awesome life. Don't let anyone get in your way. Anyone. But at the same time, respect others.

So please, please feel like you are important. Don't get cocky though. xD I just want you guys to feel like you belong. Because everyone has been there. BE STRONG and love yourself.

And if you take nothing else away from this post, remember this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE LOVED.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD, NOT FOR OTHERS, BUT FOR YOU.

Love yourself. Respect yourself.

And never, ever forget to do the same for others. You may feel alone but you could be the next person you put a smile on someone else's face. And nothing feels better than making someone smile. :D

So go out there and make a difference. Because there are many children in the future who will benefit from it.

Go out there are love others. And don't forget to love yourself. ;)

Sorry for the whole... speech. xD But I really felt like putting this out there.

fuck man
*hugs you really really tightly*
please please don't hurt yourself. i love you so much i'll do p much anything i can to help ok
*hugs again*
we should start snapchatting/talking in more tbh ok

oh max
whoever it is
don't let them/it get to you
you don't deserve to be called a c**t (i assume it's that word.) you really don't
the people that act like that need to be paid no mind
if you wnt this unquoted just say c:

so cheesy
yet so meaningful
everyone read this, wait 5 minutes to take it in then read again ok and believe it

aw /hug/ I'm still gonna email you and everything this isn't goodbye I promise it's just temporary limitation from my best friends
and believe me I will do what I must but I WILL come to your bday party okay end of topic

This:

I'm not just talking to pluzzle when I say this but I've come to realize that there are so many kids/teenagers who feels helpless and alone. But just think about it. If all of us feel really alone, is anyone really? We all feel the same thing. Sure once in a while, we feel like we've had enough and that's OK. But the important think is to THINK RATIONALLY. Because when we don't, we do stupid things. No one's denying it. Everyone knows it.

Kids take their lives because they've felt like they just don't belong but that is definitely not true. "A land that only sees sunshine becomes a desert." And its true. We all have horrible days. Sometimes they're necessary to "keep the balance" as they say (bear with my cheesiness xD) God knows I try my best to act calmly and treat other kindly but there's always a day where you just feel horrible.

So I'm addressing you guys, random people that I don't really know. It's OK to feel bad once in a while but never forget that there's always someone else out there, suffering just as much as you. You might not feel like there is. You might feel like nobody understands you and you might feel like you hate yourself. Maybe you think you're useless or that everyone hates you, that you're not worth it. You might even feel like harming yourself. BUT DON'T. Please don't. Take this from a complete stranger, someone you don't know and someone who doesn't know you. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. Because every human being on this planet has that right, no matter where they live.

So if you're down, read this. Because you should know that you're not alone when you feel emotional pain so strong, it almost feels physical. Our darkest thoughts come when we're mad and frustrated, but DON'T LET IT GET TO YOUR HEAD. Because you all know the outcome if you do.

Everyone is important. No matter who you are. No matter where you live. No matter how smart you are. No matter what you look like. Heck, I don't even look that great but I've come to ACCEPT and RESPECT who I am. Not for the people around me, but for me. Not because I'm selfish, because I want to be OK with how I am.

Wherever you live, know that you are loved. By me. By others. I don't know you but I know that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Harming yourself will bring you nothing but more pain. Life feels like a joke sometimes but it isn't. Don't take this precious gift for granted. "Life is only precious because it's short" and that is very true.

There are too many kids who feel alone and I hate that. I hate that you feel like you're useless because you're not. It frustrates me when I see people who just hate themselves and who they are because you are awesome. You've always been awesome. And you always will be awesome. No matter what anyone says, YOU ARE AWESOME. You are most definitely a great person, even though I don't know you. I know you are a human being and you are capable of making the right choices for yourself.

People bully for reasons I can't quite understand but it is important to understand that no matter what anyone says, you deserve to live and awesome life. Don't let anyone get in your way. Anyone. But at the same time, respect others.

So please, please feel like you are important. Don't get cocky though. xD I just want you guys to feel like you belong. Because everyone has been there. BE STRONG and love yourself.

And if you take nothing else away from this post, remember this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE LOVED.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU ARE NEEDED IN THIS WORLD, NOT FOR OTHERS, BUT FOR YOU.

Love yourself. Respect yourself.

And never, ever forget to do the same for others. You may feel alone but you could be the next person you put a smile on someone else's face. And nothing feels better than making someone smile.

So go out there and make a difference. Because there are many children in the future who will benefit from it.

Go out there are love others. And don't forget to love yourself.

Sorry for the whole... speech. xD But I really felt like putting this out there.

okay
good
i'll save a spot for you at the table at the party
and good
you'd better still email me and chat me
or else...
xD
not really
but you'd still better email/chat me (:

>8^| Who's this person? This terribly rude person?! Feh, forget them. (*shoos them away with a cactus on a stick*) (*gives you a bear hug*) I'm sorry, Max, you DO NOT deserve to be treated that way! .___. You're soooo much smarter than this person gives you credit for.

oh honey
i understand feeling alone and of people being idiots and no one should have to feel that way especially not you (*hugs*)
i really hope things get better and try taking deep breaths idk it sounds stupid but it helps me like when you feel overwhelmed just take deep breaths and think about peace

idk but i'm here for you if you need me you know that right? (*hugs again*)

I'm so done with all this bullshit, okay?

i'm proud of you honey <3

@isaac (forgot to quote you bc im a dumbass): ok. sorry i haven't been in touch very much.

Oh Lena
I know exactly how you feel, and I know saying I'm sorry won't help, however many times. I know because I've only come out of depression myself, and I know how hard it can be. (*hugs*)
But whatever you do, remember there's still us <3 Just shoot me an email whenever okay? I'll be here. And don't forget ily so much never give up don't let them break you
Cause you're my precious friend and I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you
Stay strong Lena ily and email's ALWAYS open. <3 I know you'll pull through okay

lena.
i am so sorry you have to go through all this. you are so lovely, and you don't deserve it at all. *hugs forever*
my email is always open. (:

you are not a dumbass DO NOT SAY THAT
ok

I have to do two 20 minute vocabulary practices for Spanish and I haven't exhaled through my nose, washed my hair, or drawn something nice in three days. Somebody is going to pay for this.

i kinda really really miss like
believing in God and like actually having something to look forward to after i die

You can always come back. *grabby hands* Let me see if I can find that one comic...it really makes me feel better when I think of God like this.

interesting point you make
aww that's such a cute comic!

also i want to wear my fave shirt for the rest of my life bc what if i die i want to be buried in my fave shirt

guys i fucked up
i put my phone in my mums bag while we were shopping took it out and it's not working, whole screen flickering, but siri is working sort of, the wifi isn't ofc

we put it in the freezer idk

i am, actually
how did u fuck up how is it ur fault that the phone isnt working all u did was put it in your mom's bag

no ur not

because i get blamed 4 everything wow very angry parents it was all battered up before i got it anyway sooo

fucking hell im so cold jesus jesus juesuejseusjSJSJ MY HANDS MY FEET AH

i beg to differ

well you shouldn't be. not everything is your fault, and if you're blamed for everything, then you're trained to think that everything is your fault and feel guilty for thinking that it's NOT, and it's a bad cycle to be a part of. i have much experience in this.

im sorry im sorry *drapes warm blanket over you and hands you steaming hot chocolate* is that better

Keep up the facade just a little bit longer,
No need for them to know that this is real.
I show my real feelings presented as a joke.
I really mean what I said, you know.
I'm really actually hurt.
I'm really actually angry at you.
You know what, I really actually feel betrayed.
I really do feel that we aren't as close as I thought.
That we don't understand each other as well as I thought.
What does it take for my abilities, my skills, my work to be appreciated?
You know what I feel? Overshadowed.
I've decided that 2 might be my number.
Brilliant, but overlooked.
Someone is always better, or appears to be.
Or at least is more appreciated.
2 is a number of bitterness and envy.
And pride. 2, too proud to admit to not being best.
Too proud to praise anyone else.
And you know what, I think it sums up a good part of my existence.


If my best isn't the best, it doesn't feel good enough.

E, V, L, and J. You guys are literally some of the only people I can respect.
Keep in mind, you guys, I hate people.
I'm generally too proud to praise others.
But guess what? You guys are way better than I could ever hope to be.
There, I said it loud and clear.
You're all so much smarter, so much better, so much more amazing.
E, V. I don't care if I don't see you guys or even talk to you almost at all anymore. You guys are fucking amazing. Even if you hated me now, or began to hate me in the future, I could never return the feeling. Even if you never wanted to see me again, I would still love you as my nakama.
L. I know we fought that one time after E and V left the first time, and we spent half of grade four hating each other. But besides that, you've always been there for me. You didn't abandon me even though I know I was pretty much a bitch back then. Look, your family had better not be serious about the moving thing. You can't move to that one place like V did. I meant what I said, you know. I seriously couldn't handle that. There would practically be no point in going to school anymore. I love you like nakama, too.
J. Look, I know we only met this year. I know we're still fairly new friends. You're a grade below me, yet you're still smarter/better than I am in multiple things. I respect you, J. You're brilliant. You're one of the people who's even gotten me this far this year.

all of my friends are like
http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/Dont-Trust-the-B.gif

(*hugs*) hey hey no you should throw those damn scissors away okay?

no

idk thank you heather

wow thank you
It is like winter in melbourne it's autumn though ahskkalksndjdkfj

i managed to close them over a tiny piece of skin it was so tiny im surprised it drew blood
it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would

(*hugs*) god what am i doing i'm really sorry I should probably put these stupid scissors away thank you for caring

No. Absolutely not. I forbid you to harm yourself. Take it from a complete stranger, I will not allow it!! Nope, nope nope, you can't. I won't let you. You are too awesome to be hurting yourself so no. No, no, no, no, no, no.