yes put away the stupid scissors
just think about it - how is this going to help you? how is it going to help anyone?
you're too fab okay please don't do that again

thank you c: I don't really know you but this means a lot.

(*hugs*) okay I promise thank you dearie

I've been clean for exactly two days now :cool:


I'm eating mini gumdrops with my needles because wtf self

(*hugs*) same here. Hang in there. Once I'm 18 I'm coming for you. (lol that sounded so stalkerish O_O)
(*hugs*) stop okay
i promised myself i would stop after the first time and i did and you're going to stop too. Just no okay dearie? (*hugs*)

Hey hey hey :< definitely try to stay strong and out those scissors away. Though it may seem like the best option at times when you don't know what to do, it in no way helps you. It just harms you more and causes you to get more stressed out. So just try and find something to replace it like drawing lines on yourself with a marker even... Or to calm down just relax and listen to some helpful music or something. Just please make an effort to stay away from the scissors please :c i really hope you feel better soon!

I'm scared. I'm really really scared. I think my parents don't want me to write as much anymore. But I can't stop writing. It's not a choice- I have to. If I don't write, I feel like I'll die. It's extreme, yes, but I can't help it. Writing is absolutely everything to me. I used to be passionate about other things- fencing, science, history- but now writing has claimed dominance over them. It's not that I don't enjoy those activities. It's just that writing gives me more joy than anything else. And now I think my parents are trying to take away the one thing that gives me the barest sliver of sanity and I don't know what to do.

how are they going to stop you from writing? that makes no sense. what are they gonna do, take away all your pencils and pens and paper? you can always find more at school. and write during lunch. and write in bed under covers under darkness. and write in your head, even if it gets lost between memory and oblivion. you'll always have your words, honey. you're not going to lose them. you're not going to lose your sanity. you're going to be okay.

Thanks c: Yeah, I was being irrational. But it kinda terrified me at the time just the notion of not being able to write. They think I'm too obsessed with it. Which is hypocritical, as my father said that there were other people whose passions were a thousand times greater than mine, so they were more likely to succeed in those areas. Thank you, though.

i feel like a liar every time i say, "i'm fine."

I'm so fucking tired of losing, okay?
Even more than that, I'm tired of coming in second.
Can I not just be the best at something for once?
And appreciate it?

fck fkc fck ughhh i gained weight i feel fat ughh
*halfheartedly hopes a lot of it was like muscle and shit*

no u r not fat probably all of the muscle u r gaining to be strong man ok

what

REPOST

i hate ppl who think they're above other ppl bc they wear clothes that don't go with their gender/sex/whatever, like girls who think they're above other girls bc they dont wear makeup or skirts

OH GOD YES

This one girl called me a girly bitch for being obsessed with shoes and singing. Here is the response (exact wording) of my best guy friend to her. To her face.

"Um well just because Esther wears skirts and eyeliner and awesome shoes doesn't make her any more girly than you, and girly isn't even like a bad thing. And either way she's incredibly badass. And she sings a lot better than you. Or anyone."



:D

Wow he's a v good friend keep him forever :D

like me personally - my parents don't allow me to use makeup and I'm cool with that, but I don't go parading around as if that means I'm a better person.

One of my friends is always going on about how she hates dresses and skirts and when I wear either of those she's like Eww you're so girly! and i'm like seriously

like

rly

b-b-b-but skirts r amazing


i got this skirt a few weeks ago and omg is it fabulous

http://www.labeshops.com/image/cache...eS-800x800.jpg

i know, i know

WOW OkAY

upset someone said im ugly

well you're not so 4get them

I literally don't know how to put down my feelings for you guys.
 

I was looking through some of my old stuff earlier, and it made me think of you guys. That's what everything tends to do, these days. What can I look at that doesn't remind me of you? It doesn't matter, anyways. You're always on my mind.

Hey, I miss you guys.
I miss you a lot.
I miss the Old Gang.
The Old Days.
The Old Ways.

I still don't know why you were friends with me back then. Looking back on it all, I was naive. I was clingy. I was so... Different. But I had innocence that I now lack.

How have you guys changed? Do you all still care? Did you ever care as much as I did? I don't know. It's so hard for me to trust others, and I trusted you guys. Now we're split.

I've been thinking about you guys even more than usual lately. And I've been thinking about myself.

Back then, I was idealistic. Naive. Innocent, to a degree. Hey, remember LIVE reverse it boldly? Remember the Nakamurans? Remember Roekians? LTRH? Our love for omegas? 5th grade camp? Our obsession with our beloved book series? Hey, remember those times when we were together, when we were childish but content? They seem so far away now. Now. A strange time. I went dark. I can't do it without you, okay? I'm not stable anymore. Not inside, at least. What even am I now? I don't even know myself anymore. Who am I? Tch. Pathetic is the what, I guess. And oh, yes, the cynicism. I gained a ton of that. I'm also a lot more bitter now. Let me introduce you to the major hindrances in my life: pride, and a crap ton of it; envy, too much of it weighing down my heart; hatred, casting crimson shadows on my soul; nostalgia, only able to be described as a longing, sorrowful rainbow. At least I've gained some eloquence. As if.

Tch. I'm too tired for this.
Just wanted to let you know,
That I'm never ever gonna let go.

I know, lame right?

I realized today that I'm so proud that I won't accept help unless I'm passing out.

i got put on new meds yesterday as well as getting the dosage on the meds im already taking upped.
one of the side effects of the new meds is possible weight gain and i really really really want to avoid that holy shit because if i gain any more weight when im five pounds away from my goal i might actually go berserk
plus i had my second panic attack in a row last night (i had one the night before last as well) and thats never happened before and i dont really know how to handle this my parents really cannot deal with these attacks at all and i wish theyd stop already uhhhHHH
ok sorry thats all bye

Same. I miss the days when I could still afford to write every day.

My life is shit right now and I can't believe it's school that's causing all that. Not even the people--well, just a few that won't stop calling me jabber for no reason at all (they're not even being mean. They're just like 'hey jabber'), but I have three tests this week and a piano exam coming soon.
And a crazy art teacher who makes the entire class stay 20mins after school to do her stuff just cos
And I'm barely passing in Chinese, failing in some aspects (I AS ONE MARK AWAY FROM A PASS IN LISTENING. ONE MARK.

Lenakins

If you don't want to that's fine, but you know my email's always open, right? You just helped me. I will always be here to help you, my friend. Always.

envy problems again oh joy why life why

erdtfygulhij;o i want to help you so much

this is gonna sound so bad but my sister is bipolar/panic disorder and she takes lithium and it's rly helped she hasn't had an attack in like 3 months

ily

it doesn't sound that bad idk i just dont think i'd take anything that wasnt prescribed by my psychiatrist first
thank you though you ARE helping and i love you too <3

also my psychiatrist brought up DID and ive looked into that quite a lot so now my new meds have mood stabilizer bc i dont legit have DID but i do have DID-like symptoms and oh god do you ever just look at your life and go when the fuck did i get so fucked up

Everything is fine

ya ya ya
:D
DID is dissociative identity disorder right idk
but you can look at the future and you'll be even cooler than you are now

So I have a cold and when I got up a few minutes ago, I went to my parents room to get my jeans and a shirt (yes I share a closet with my parents. I have to share a bedroom with my sister and she got the closet in there) and all the sudden I felt really sick. I was kind of dizzy and I was expecting to throw up any minute. So I sat on the floor in the closet (it's a walk in closet I'm not weird) and even lye down for a minute. My mom walked out of the bathroom and I told her what happened. I don't feel like throwing up or fainting any more, but I feel really weak. Like I can't hold my own body weight with out shaking a little bit.

I have a fever.

yeah it is
i can only hope so

i'm sorry sweetheart i hope you get well soon <3

Thank you. :)
Have a good day! <3

HUGS AND KISSES GET WELL SOON! *showers you with fake rose petals*

I got sick two weeks ago (I still have a runny nose so I can't breathe @-@) and I completely lost it. I hope you get better very very very soon!

trust me:cool:
aww get well soon!

Thank you sweeties! :)

ahah so today my friend asked me very seriously if i was sad and when i said, "i'm fine" he responded by saying, "noo be happy lena" and pushing his face into the stupidest smile ever with his hands. i was like, "dude that doesn't make you look happy" and he said, "but now you're smiling."

when my friends aren't being such butts they're really quite fab

Aww, that's awesome!! He sounds like a great person. :p

And thus the trust issues get worse :( someone I thought was a good person and someone I thought i knew raped my other friend... I want to help her through it. I really do. I don't think she wants to talk about it though so....i don't know what to do :c i've never helped someone who went through something like this....any ideas??