thank u all sm

I couldn't breathe this morning my friend came in telling me that my best friend posted a goodbye on instagram (I don't have an instagram so I didn't see it) and thenmy best friend didn't come to third period and I kept thinking that maybe she did something and I started crying and I felt legit sick to my stomach with worry I didn't think you actually got physically ill from stuff like that but I felt like I would puke and my math teacher yelled at me for zoning out but I couldn't breathe and she came in for fourth bc apparently she was only out from third bc she was with a counselor bc a teacher saw her post and she acted like everything was fine and so I acted like everything was fine and I don't know what to say to her we've been best friends for five years but our relationship has been very detached and I don't know what I would do without her and I want her to know I love her and she can talk to me but how do I talk to her when she won't talk to me.
I'm crying rn just thinking about it I need her to be ok she's such an amazing person and it would be my fault if she did anything bc she gave me the signs and I was too afraid to talk to her.
I'm going to text her right now I need her to be ok I need everything to be ok.

ugh that has to be terrible, but you seem like the kind of friend she'd never want to let go. Just keep loving on her, and she'll figure it out.

So I read that wiping your tears on your face will help give you clear skin, so I guess some good can come of dad calling me a jackass

my parents said i used to be good at at least some things but apparently now i'm a no talent dud

oops .

oops what?

I came home to my mom crying and telling me she had a drinking problem?? Like I really hadn't noticed until she said that and certain things clicked into place. Like she got really angry at nights and was slamming doors after drinking multiple glasses of wine, and honestly, I'm just grateful that she's not as bad as other people who drink a lot. My dad is making her stop so I hope she gets through this.

I don't know if I should reply but my sister is going through something very similar, only she's young and has other issues on top of that. But I know how you feel about that, like you think everything is alright with your world, and then you get pulled over and it's like "the person who made you what you are has issues" and it isn't even unexpected but you never thought it could happen like ???

Exactly!! You got it spot on! Like you'd never expect that to happen to that particular person and it causes you to question things. I don't know. I'm sorry you're going through this though with your sister :( I hope it all works out!

so apparently everyone was only nice to me because they saw the scars

ironically enough i don't think anyone's noticed the cuts i've been covering up with headbands wrapped around my wrist

although i could be wrong

who knows





...



it just pisses me off that I genuinely thought people were being nice to me because they thought I was cool until my friend disillusioned me like yeah we only were nice to you because we saw the cuts and we didn't want to be the reason why; well JOKE'S ON YOU because they were the reason why, all of them, because you can only be so nice before you start being someone's FRIEND and god forbid any of them be my friend

oh yeah and today at lunch at the middle school table apparently they were discussing some random kid that used to go here that was completely mental and this one kid piped up "oh you're talking about esther" like wtf dude thanks

^ Esther, a lot of people suck. A lot of people of horrible inconsiderate a**holes and they don't deserve you. Look, I hardly know you, but you have friends here who love you so much and they don't need to see your scars to know that. I promise you that you will meet genuine people and they will see you as they should, as a person with amazing qualities.

Also, speaking as a middle schooler, middle schoolers are stupid and repeat lies and rumors to try an be popular. Every middle schooler knows that your better then them and you should know that too. It is the circle of life.

I know I'm just like a weird random KPer who comes on like once every month to vent on here but I'm not stupid enough not to see that people on here care for you. Keep that in mind.

thanks c: the middle school thing is really just stupid and I'm trying to not focus on it, but anyway I'm glad you care.

You are freaking awesome bro remember that, they just make judgements based upon shit they don't understand. I'm still known as the weird mental kid from both of my schools, that's what I'm known for and kids were nice to me out of pity bc they didn't want me on my own. But that's just it. People misunderstand and they behave like fools but that's just how they are. If they can't appreciate you it's stupidity.

Also, I'm totally your friend bro. Just saying. You have got friends here for you (also one of them is me and I'm rlly hella cool - source: me) and hey I'm on skype if you want to talk so hey.

I do want to fight those people but I realise that's a bad idea bc they smols and I'm tol. And it is mean to hit childern.

I never want to play the flute again

So I’m sure at least a few of you remember the dark time in my life when I was legitimately OBSESSED with a boy who I referred to as "my perfect specimen" and cried every single time he even looked at me. Well, even though he goes to a different school now, I follow him on instagram (he doesn’t follow me back which I’m still bitter about). Today he posted something that alludes to the fact that he’s gay and has a huge thing for a male friend of his but this friend likes a girl. For some reason, I was honestly torn apart after reading this. It hurt but it helped. It obviously hurt a little bit because the first really die hard crush I had was on a boy who’s gay and because that kind of assures the fact that he never liked me back. Not to mention the fact that it hurts me to know that he’s hurting. I still feel for him and think about him and it upsets me to know that he’s not okay right now. But on the other hand, it really helped me too. It comforts me just to know that someone that I know personally is going through the exact same thing as I am. He was obviously confused for a long time (he had a girl friend for like two years), and at the young age of 13, he has a thing for a straight boy. It just felt good to know that someone is going through this too. I mean, of course I know that this is sort of a common situation to be in, but this felt more real to me because I know him personally. It’s not like I can really talk to him about it or anything but at least I know. It’s so weird to think that he probably doesn’t even remember me that well but I’m still kind of in to him and stalk his instagram, but was also greatly affected by what he posted earlier. I just wish that he knew that he kind of helps me in some weird and twisted way even though we haven’t talked for about a year and a half now. It’s actually kind of amazing what an affect someone can have on you even if you’re not at all involved with that person. It was just kind of a weird experience. I physically broke down in tears because of what he posted and he’ll never know that. Hm.

hey you c:

//grabs by shoulders - look, you have no idea how much you're loved, okay? Like, idek, but you really light up my life for some reason. You're adorable, your nose is perf, your hair is life. And listen to me, screw them. you don't need them, shouldn't need them to feel good about yourself. Jesus loves you, esther, and you know it. He died for you; not out of pity, but out of love. Pure, unconditional love. and somewhere out there, He created someone, boy or girl, who is going to love you almost as good as that. they'll find everything about you just absolutely irresistible and frustrating and wonderful and amazing at the same time. you are worthy of interest, awright? and there are always going to be people who care about you <3333 you're flipping amazing, and sweet, and adorable, and beautiful, and a fantastic writer, and I have you to thank for introducing me to the fray, btw.

shoot idk what to say

thank you...? that doesn't cover it but yeah thanks and I'm glad u like the fray :3

idek what this poem is about but i kinda like it

http://www.kidpub.com/story/photodro...ght-1857155954

i have no idea what's wrong me except that I'm untalented and overweight

nOO SHUT UP EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL I ADMIRE YOUR WORK SO SO MUCH AND I LOOK UP TO YOU AS A PERSON, I'VE MENTIONED YOU TO MY FRIENDS TOO... YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW....AND I'VE SEEN PICTURES OF YOU AND YOU ARE SO NOT OVERWEIGHT (sorry if that all seemed creepy, it's not i promise c: )
please everyone has been so down on themselves lately and i hate it
and i know im not a very popular kidpubber but i hope i make a difference...
<3
(also i realized we have very similar signatures and that's so fantastic)

like exactly one person actually cares about me and everyone else is so blatantly faking it :)

eh thanks I'm feeling better now but still ehhh

I don't know what it is but I'm just not happy. Everything feels gray. I just can't shake it off and there's no reason for it other than that I'm just not happy anymore.

goodbye .

Meera please just reply to this so that everyone knows that you're at least a little okay. *hugs*

not coming back to this website ever again, that's all
not like it matters.

We'll miss you, at least I will, but I wish you good luck with everything. Goodbye then Meera.

my life is a wreck, or really just this week but just, i need to get myself together before i dig myself an even deeper hole to fall into

I need one good day. This school year has just been such a wreck I just need one good day with rain and sleep and sweaters and time to think. One day.

i'm so emotionally exhausted

I just need a week to collect myself and to catch up on sleep, and to get myself organized. I'm so overwhelmed and it's my own fault for not stepping up, but now I'm buried and paying the price.

aghhh same, this week has been horrible and even now im buried under everything i put off but i just can't bring myself to do anything, im just so tired and can't handle the work ;~;
but on the bright side, the weekend is almost here. just gotta survive tomorrow and survive sat prep and survive the homework and oh who am i kidding this will never end
junior year sucks x-x
/pats ur back/ lets get through this together friend

TRUEEE I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A SENIOR TBH
but then college
haha
no
we're all in this together.

NO YOU DONT WANT TO.
You think junior year is stressful, well senior year is moreso. There's so much to do and think about. Applying for colleges, making sure you have your credits to graduate, turning in graduation paperwork, signing up for scholarships, deciding what you want to do with your entire life and trying to earn the money to do that, and regretting every second you spent wishing that you'd already graduated.
Cherish it while you can. While it make suck now, just know that when high schools over, you'll no longer see your friends on a daily basis and you'll probably lose touch with them. Not to mention life will get a LOT tougher.
/fromacurrentseniorwhoisdreadinggraduation

it will never end o_o
ill just wait till i finish my sats and then breathe (im doing it nov 7th omg the key to having a future :o)

yeah i get you, ive moved around a lot and i suck at keeping contact with old friends i don't see often o.o and yeah i know deep down how freaked out im gonna be when im a senior and I'm gonna have to think abt graduation, but like, apparently classes and grades wise it's much easier senior year. at least in my school bc the colleges only look at three years of gpa and ranking. not to say ill slack off but im definitely waiting for the year i get less stress from classes. but graduation sounds terrifying im so sorry /hug/

My next two weeks are going to be packed with Stage Crew stuff for Musical and I am so anxious for it.

It's kind of amazing what one hug can do for you.

School is ruining my life, but on the other hand, if I don't go to school I ruin my life. :mad:

I feel you. The education system definitely needs to change, we can't go on like this.