The Writer's Block

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)
-   Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)
-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

MaryElizabeth 05-10-2013 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 457423)
it kind of felt like everything was on hold.

happiness, on hold.
stress, on hold.
caring, on hold.
depression, on hold.

and then it just came rushing back in

im scared you'll see me for how i see myself one day, i'm scared /all/ of you will. im scared you'll all just leave me and i'm just waiting for it to happen. i need someone to prove to me that i'm worthless. my parents screaming at me isn't enough, and it doesn't make sense, but i need someone i care about to just leave me because i need something to trigger me into killing myself. i'm so fed up with all this shit, all of it. there's a noose dangling in front of my face, tempting me so badly, but there's a person there gripping tight on to me but it's almost come to the point where i care more about death than the person trying to save me from it.
i just want someone to prove me right, that i'm worthless so i won't have to live with this fucking bullshit anymore
can people just leave me alone
not because i dont care about them, because i don't want to be here anymore

I feel close to exactly the same. But we need to hold on for just a bit more. It just seems ridiculous sometimes, when we console each other but want to bring a handful of pills to our mouths at the same time. Lily, I want so badly to end it all, but we need to stick it out for each other. There are people, including myself, that care about you so much. A suicide in a community is so traumatizing. A boy from my brother's high school overdosed last summer. It was jarring for everyone, but there are still kids who make jokes about cutting, and depression, and say "emo". We need to stick it out so that all of us fucked up kids can hold each others' hands for as long as possible. I think about suicide every day, Lily. I want to do it so badly. But I can't do it. Even the worthless, the friendless, the meaningless, their lives matter. A homeless man can commit suicide and it has a great effect on everyone in the vicinity. You need to stick it out, and I'll be there for you the whole way.

evasong 05-11-2013 12:13 AM

Realising I like my favourite band because they are just like some happy and completely dysfunctional family that have the best times together and I'm just... me, the only child. I guess that's why I turn to music.

MaryElizabeth 05-11-2013 01:26 AM

okay iím feeling better at one in the morning

iím working on my letter to gerard and iím gonna go to a little pharmacy down the road to buy stickers Ďcause he tweeted that heíd like those in his letters and iím listening to the black parade (one of my favorite albums of all time in case you couldnít tell by my icon)

also iím going to go on a all time low interview marathon because theyíre awesome and iím gonna cry over the fact that i have no idea when the next time iíll be able to see them will be

and iíve been thinking that since i have no talent to become a musician maybe i could be a dirt poor tour manager for a cool little band during the year and work at warped tour which sounds like a sad life for most but that sounds fucking amazing to me and i could still go to college but do what i want afterwards

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 457353)
I am not going to do this in small white text, because I don't care that much.

I hate myself.

I'm not smart enough, or pretty enough, or nice enough, or talented or funny enough for anybody, least of all myself.

Most people dislike me.

See, the problem is I would dislike me too in their places.

I hate the way I manage to fuck up everything on my part when others rely on me.

I hate the way I am over-confident and then fail.

I hate the way I'm not confident enough and I regret it.

I hate the way I interact with people.

I hate the way I don't interact with people.

I hate the way I talk.

I hate how much I talk.

I hate how little I talk.

I hate how I look like a four-year-old

I hate how I sound like a four-year-old

I hate how I act like a four-year-old when I don't get my way

I hate how nice I am to people when I should hit them

I hate how I hit people who I should be nice too

I hate how I pretend to be someone I'm not

I hate it when I expose my real side to people

I hate that I eat

I hate that I hate that I eat

I hate self-harming myself

I hate how much I cry

I hate how much I bottle up.

I hate how weak I am.





I want to be stronger and wiser and better, but I honestly don't have the strength or courage anymore. And if I did, I would have other things to worry about.

sorry for this rant.

Don't be sorry.

Sometimes we just need to splurge and this was the correct place to do it.

I may not be very helpful, being you don't really know me, and I am just not that great of an advice giver, but I hope you realize that these are all the things you hate. What about the things we like? You're friends, on KP. I am sure there are many, and I am willing to search to find that gem. I don't know about you :)

LaurenM 05-11-2013 05:12 AM

Life is nice nowadays. My troubles are homework and that I have no motivation to do it, and that's all.

HeatherB 05-11-2013 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 457417)
My alleged best friend makes jokes like that all the time. And whenever I try to open up and be honest about my problems, she dismisses it, condescends me, or just calls me weird.

I know what you mean. I just want to escape. But breaking down and letting it all out isn't usually a good feeling, not in my experience. That's terrible advice, and everyone else tells me that I shouldn't bottle things up, but when I end up making a scene, or I'm belittled when I try and calmly tell people about "what's wrong". Don't let anyone force you into talking about your issues, unless you completely and utterly trust them. You could open up to me or Isaac or any other online friend, but you don't have to talk to someone about it, even though your therapist makes you. Just don't take anyone's shit, okay?

that must be shit.

but then it would get easier, because i would actually have excuse to go and kill myself-- like, oh, yeah, she's crazy, we don't care about her anymore, i mean we used to kinda but now who the fuck knows what she's even doing and she probably just wants attention and blah blah blah and then i could go and die on everyone without feeling much guilt because wow, whatever, that was just the crazy chick from yonder back.

AlgebraAddict 05-11-2013 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 457420)
Don't be sorry.
What happened to the old Esther? I miss her a lot. I want you to be happy again.



I really want to be happy, too. And I am trying. The nice thing is that very small things make me happy. Like my little brother giving me a kiss on the cheek. Or a box of Spree. Or sunbathing on the roof.

I really hope that the little things will add up.

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 11:56 AM

http://media-cache-ec2.pinimg.com/73...1633d43759.jpg

bookworm1999 05-11-2013 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 457602)
It's been a while since I've posted on this. Before I was trying to write long rants, but they all became off-topic.

To put it simply: I just want a friend. I want a life. I want to go to school happy and walk home with someone. I want to do something other than crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to embarrass myself in gym class. I don't want to sit alone at lunch. I don't want to fail my math tests. I don't want to be an outcast. I don't want to be ugly. I don't want people to compliment me on things that we both know I am bad at.

I'm not looking for attention or sympathy. Please. I want a reason why.

I'm sorry Jesse ):

We all want friends. And we all want good ones--real ones. I am in your position, only, I am in another country (recently moved to Europe), and I am home schooled (can't walk home with anyone and is kind of cooped up in the house all day). I understand you're pain. It sucks. But I have found out that KidPub has helped me a lot, and my writing. Me and my writing is so close, it's almost like my characters are my friends (forget the cheeziness of it, but it's true ;))

I haven't really met you , or got to know you, but if you need a friend... go to Ash. Nah, I am kidding. You can come to me too. I am totally open to anyone.

Sorry. Not much help. Eh. I sound like those crappy motivational speakers.

DANG GIRL, WHY DO YOU STINK!

Jesse 05-11-2013 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 457604)
I'm sorry Jesse ):

We all want friends. And we all want good ones--real ones. I am in your position, only, I am in another country (recently moved to Europe), and I am home schooled (can't walk home with anyone and is kind of cooped up in the house all day). I understand you're pain. It sucks. But I have found out that KidPub has helped me a lot, and my writing. Me and my writing is so close, it's almost like my characters are my friends (forget the cheeziness of it, but it's true ;))

I haven't really met you , or got to know you, but if you need a friend... go to Ash. Nah, I am kidding. You can come to me too. I am totally open to anyone.

Sorry. Not much help. Eh. I sound like those crappy motivational speakers.

DANG GIRL, WHY DO YOU STINK!

Thank you. That was really helpful. And it didn't sound too cheesy.

Thanks. c:

No, it helped. Thank you.


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