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JoMarch 04-28-2014 05:04 PM

so my friend thinks she is fat
she is not
she's not what one would call skinny but I think she's about average and healthy for her height and age and stuff
but she is dieting
on only lettuce
I think it's also bc she has a crush on a popular guy and she knows he'll never date her but she thinks her chances improve if she's "not fat"???
I keep trying to tell her that frickin lettuce is not healthy and try to give her my carrots and apples and sandwiches and balanced stuff bUT SHE WON'T TAKE IT
uggghhhh and I think I'm making it worse by offering her food but I don't know what to freaking do she needs more than lettuce and she needs to know she's beautiful and healthy
but I tried to give her my food and say stuff like that so she's like "fine ill eat" and gets an ice cream thing
and then complains that "he'll never love me now look how much effing fat and sugar this has why'd I break the diet I should just eat lettuce"

I'm a terrible useless friend her other friends are like "you can't make her eat your food if she doesn't want it"

I just don't know what to do

TheAshWolf 04-28-2014 05:54 PM

*peeks into thread* Hello there...I thought some of you guys might benefit from some articles about stress and suicide and how to deal with/overcome things. :>

Stress—Keys to Managing It

Why Go On?—Three Reasons to Keep Living

Hope it helps, everyone. <3 *runs off*

HeatherB 04-28-2014 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 528457)
u took the words out of my keyboard

<3 i tried

@isaac: i'm so sorry, oh my god, my ipod was confiscated but email me?


Quote:

Originally Posted by JoMarch (Post 528518)
so my friend thinks she is fat
she is not
she's not what one would call skinny but I think she's about average and healthy for her height and age and stuff
but she is dieting
on only lettuce
I think it's also bc she has a crush on a popular guy and she knows he'll never date her but she thinks her chances improve if she's "not fat"???
I keep trying to tell her that frickin lettuce is not healthy and try to give her my carrots and apples and sandwiches and balanced stuff bUT SHE WON'T TAKE IT
uggghhhh and I think I'm making it worse by offering her food but I don't know what to freaking do she needs more than lettuce and she needs to know she's beautiful and healthy
but I tried to give her my food and say stuff like that so she's like "fine ill eat" and gets an ice cream thing
and then complains that "he'll never love me now look how much effing fat and sugar this has why'd I break the diet I should just eat lettuce"

I'm a terrible useless friend her other friends are like "you can't make her eat your food if she doesn't want it"

I just don't know what to do

i'm sorry. i don't know how to help. all you can do is give her your full love and support and try to explain. pull out graphs and charts if you need to. but it sounds like she's thinking irrationally right now, so my advice is to try to clear things up. use FACTS and EVIDENCE and that sort of thing. if she thinks you're being overbearing... honestly, i don't know. i'm lost. i've never personally had to deal with this before. but i know there are teen forums that discuss stuff like this and i'd advise going on those before taking any of my shoddy advice. google what to do, seriously. sometimes you get sht, but sometimes you get really useful websites/forums/etc that explain how to handle things like this. take advice from people who have had experience, not me.

HeatherB 04-28-2014 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avbhabra (Post 528450)
Don't apologize. Actually, thank you. I'm sorry for saying "just' depressed... probably very inconsiderate of me. But staying around positivity, trying your hardest. Even when you feel like it's so hard and you just want to give up, that's when you should push the hardest. I just hate seeing people who believe that they don't deserve to live a happy life because they have a mental illness, and that mental illness is preventing them from living happily. There are people who have ADHD or Dyslexia and they don't use is as an excuse to be lazy, but they use it as a tool, they strive further. Maybe that means they have to work a lot harder than the average person, but they try. And I think that's the most important thing. I'm not telling you how to live your life, God, no. I don't have the right to do that. But I want you to know that there's always a way. Even when you hate yourself. Because everyone's been there. And it's crawling back out of the empty void that's the most important part. It sucks. I can't even begin to imagine you guys are going through. But there's a way. There's always a way. Always.

but--and i'm sorry, i honestly don't mean to contradict everything you say--sometimes people feel like they don't deserve to feel better. i know that sometimes i'll be having a good day, and then i'll think, oh god, i don't deserve to feel like this, i don't deserve this semblance of happiness, and then i feel guilty and trigger myself into making myself feel bad. everyone's been there, sure. but not everyone has been empty inside. not everyone has that constant blackness of depression fuzzing at the corners of their eyes, overcasting everything one does with the dark, long shadow of sadness. you can't always crawl back out, because you don't always have a rope. and sometimes you just want to stay in the void forever, because it's easier than trying to find a rope. and sometimes you have a rope, but a hand takes scissors and cuts it, and you realize that it's your own hand--but you can't stop cutting the rope. you just stay in the void, because you honestly believe that you don't deserve to feel the sunlight.
that's what depression is like, at its finest--at its worst. and sometimes we let ourselves rot away in the void. and sometimes we're almost to the edge, and then we cut the rope and let ourselves fall and feel and fly and crash to the ground in a dead crumpled heap.
and sometimes, you realize that you just have to accept the void. because it's always dawn before the darkest.

Quote:

Originally Posted by avbhabra (Post 528473)
Yeah, I know that. But I don't even understand what people go through everyday when they have mental illnesses so please excuse my naivety. I just... I don't know. I mean, we've all felt pain like that. Loneliness, hating ourselves, wishing everything would just be perfect. And when I compare my problems to yours... I feel like a wimp. Because you guys are so strong and I see you coming on here everyday (or often, anyway) and you put up with all the stupid stuff in life and I complain about stupidest things. And every day you're here I know you're OK. Actually, maybe not OK. But you're still here. And I feel so stupid but you guys actually let me see what you go through. And what sucks the most is people who just think that what you put up with is just nonsense. Because, in all honesty, that's what I thought before I met you all. And you guys... I don't know, educated me in a way nobody else every could. As sappy as it sounds, thank you. So I'm so sorry for whatever I've ever said or done to offend you because I honestly wish I could do something. I feel so useless just sitting here and not being able to help you guys.


I just hate that I can't do anything.

you are not a wimp. you are just as strong as the rest of us, okay? pain is a relative thing. someone may feel pain over something as simple and deadly as the word 'fat.' but in a village full of starving children, of course that word is a cause of pride. that does not mean the person who feels pain from that word is weak. it means that since they have no experience being a starving child in a third world country, they can't compare their pain to that of the child's. and you can't compare your pain to ours. because yours is different. you've never felt like you've wanted to kill yourself for weeks, months on end, i'm assuming. but you have felt fear, and pain, and anger, and sadness. and you have not felt any less than depressed people. it's relative. you're not used to what we're used to. something horrible for you may be average for us. this is not because you are lesser than us--on the contrary, some people think depression is a strong sign of weakness. take again the 'fat' analogy, and replace 'fat' with 'pathetic.' you are called 'pathetic,' perhaps, and you think 'whatever. they're probably just having a bad day and needed someone to blame their problems on and take out their feelings on, so it doesn't matter.' but someone with depression reduces their life in that instant to one word. 'pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. i'm a good for nothing pathetic whiny little btch. no one likes me. everyone thinks i'm a pathetic child. they don't trust me. they think i'm weak and vulnerable and stupid. pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. i'm pathetic. i'm so fcking pathetic. i hate myself.' and they beat themselves up over one word when you can brush it off with simple logic. what i'm trying to say is, it's all relative. a waterdrop is nothing to humans, simply brushed off and absorbed into clothing. a waterdrop is death to a bee, flying at high speed and still unable to outrun the rain. bees can't fly in the rain (can you tell i've watched the bee movie over the weekend). they'll die. humans enjoy the rain--some even love it.
but onto my second point--you ARE helping, just by saying 'oh god i'm so sorry' or 'i hope you feel better soon' or 'i love you. please don't forget that,' you're letting us know that you /care/. and that's just as important as any advice you could ever give, okay? you can do something. you have done something. you save lives just by responding with a simple 'i'm here for you <3.' please don't feel bad about this. you're doing more than enough. *hugs*

avbhabra 04-28-2014 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 528535)
but--and i'm sorry, i honestly don't mean to contradict everything you say--sometimes people feel like they don't deserve to feel better. i know that sometimes i'll be having a good day, and then i'll think, oh god, i don't deserve to feel like this, i don't deserve this semblance of happiness, and then i feel guilty and trigger myself into making myself feel bad. everyone's been there, sure. but not everyone has been empty inside. not everyone has that constant blackness of depression fuzzing at the corners of their eyes, overcasting everything one does with the dark, long shadow of sadness. you can't always crawl back out, because you don't always have a rope. and sometimes you just want to stay in the void forever, because it's easier than trying to find a rope. and sometimes you have a rope, but a hand takes scissors and cuts it, and you realize that it's your own hand--but you can't stop cutting the rope. you just stay in the void, because you honestly believe that you don't deserve to feel the sunlight.
that's what depression is like, at its finest--at its worst. and sometimes we let ourselves rot away in the void. and sometimes we're almost to the edge, and then we cut the rope and let ourselves fall and feel and fly and crash to the ground in a dead crumpled heap.
and sometimes, you realize that you just have to accept the void. because it's always dawn before the darkest.


you are not a wimp. you are just as strong as the rest of us, okay? pain is a relative thing. someone may feel pain over something as simple and deadly as the word 'fat.' but in a village full of starving children, of course that word is a cause of pride. that does not mean the person who feels pain from that word is weak. it means that since they have no experience being a starving child in a third world country, they can't compare their pain to that of the child's. and you can't compare your pain to ours. because yours is different. you've never felt like you've wanted to kill yourself for weeks, months on end, i'm assuming. but you have felt fear, and pain, and anger, and sadness. and you have not felt any less than depressed people. it's relative. you're not used to what we're used to. something horrible for you may be average for us. this is not because you are lesser than us--on the contrary, some people think depression is a strong sign of weakness. take again the 'fat' analogy, and replace 'fat' with 'pathetic.' you are called 'pathetic,' perhaps, and you think 'whatever. they're probably just having a bad day and needed someone to blame their problems on and take out their feelings on, so it doesn't matter.' but someone with depression reduces their life in that instant to one word. 'pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. i'm a good for nothing pathetic whiny little btch. no one likes me. everyone thinks i'm a pathetic child. they don't trust me. they think i'm weak and vulnerable and stupid. pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. pathetic. i'm pathetic. i'm so fcking pathetic. i hate myself.' and they beat themselves up over one word when you can brush it off with simple logic. what i'm trying to say is, it's all relative. a waterdrop is nothing to humans, simply brushed off and absorbed into clothing. a waterdrop is death to a bee, flying at high speed and still unable to outrun the rain. bees can't fly in the rain (can you tell i've watched the bee movie over the weekend). they'll die. humans enjoy the rain--some even love it.
but onto my second point--you ARE helping, just by saying 'oh god i'm so sorry' or 'i hope you feel better soon' or 'i love you. please don't forget that,' you're letting us know that you /care/. and that's just as important as any advice you could ever give, okay? you can do something. you have done something. you save lives just by responding with a simple 'i'm here for you <3.' please don't feel bad about this. you're doing more than enough. *hugs*

That does make me feel a lot better. (: I just wish there was more I could do. I'm no psychologist that knows how to help and that kinda sucks. And I can never understand what you go through but everyone feels like their life sucks so bad they want no more, at some point in their life. But it's just being strong, I guess. Maybe the better decision isn't the easiest. Maybe its so hard it feels impossible. But I know, personally, that it is worth it. I've never been depressed and everything you described sounds horrible. Like swimming. Ok, I know. Not the best analogy. But here's the thing: when you swim for a really long time, yeah, it's fun. But you start having trouble breathing. Because you muscles are working and you have to hold your breath. You feel like you can't get enough air. So you start slacking off. And swimming the stroke wrong. And then not caring about anything except breathing. But it takes practise. Hours on end. You keep on swimming, you stay motovated ESPECIALLY when it's hardest. Because you want that gold medal. And you work so hard it hurts but you never give up. Because the harder you work, the better the reward. And slowly, SLOWLY, you start mastering your skills. You get better. It becomes easier. You win, and your weakness does not. I can't associate this directly with depression because I've never felt it, but I imagine it's the same principle. Keep working. Keep striving. Further and further every time. And don't give up. Even if you already have, I mean, what the hell? Forget life and the stupid things it throws at you. Don't let some idiot rule your life because they make you feel bad about yourself. Don't give up because of what someone says. Be Michael Phelps. Be Ryan Lochte. And win that gold metal. Cause you're too cool for silver. :p

And knowing that I help, however small the gesture, makes me feel a lot better. (:

JoMarch 04-28-2014 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 528527)
i'm sorry. i don't know how to help. all you can do is give her your full love and support and try to explain. pull out graphs and charts if you need to. but it sounds like she's thinking irrationally right now, so my advice is to try to clear things up. use FACTS and EVIDENCE and that sort of thing. if she thinks you're being overbearing... honestly, i don't know. i'm lost. i've never personally had to deal with this before. but i know there are teen forums that discuss stuff like this and i'd advise going on those before taking any of my shoddy advice. google what to do, seriously. sometimes you get sht, but sometimes you get really useful websites/forums/etc that explain how to handle things like this. take advice from people who have had experience, not me.

hey thanks anyway I really appreciate it
I'm looking it up but I kinda know whatever I say isn't really going to help much
I just
asdfghjkl ._.

Lena 04-28-2014 07:33 PM

ughhhh
(*crawls into pillow fort and refuses to come out*)
UUUUUGGHHHHH

JoMarch 04-28-2014 07:34 PM

I just kinda want to tell her to stfu whoever loves her won't care what she looks like and they'll know she's beautiful and stop eating damn lettuce bc real balanced healthy food works effing wonders

but I think she'll just get spooked or defensive and we might end up not being friends .-.

JoMarch 04-28-2014 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lena (Post 528552)
ughhhh
(*crawls into pillow fort and refuses to come out*)
UUUUUGGHHHHH

can i come in ._.

CosmoCat 04-28-2014 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoMarch (Post 528554)
I just kinda want to tell her to stfu whoever loves her won't care what she looks like and they'll know she's beautiful and stop eating damn lettuce bc real balanced healthy food works effing wonders

but I think she'll just get spooked or defensive and we might end up not being friends .-.

Um, as far as I'm aware nothing can live off of lettuce alone. ;_; Try entire salads with healthy dressings and yeah, it's actually worse for you to eat just one "healthy" food as opposed to eating a large variety of healthy foods. And I also saw a diagram of body fat the other day that shows if you do actually reduce the fat in your body, it's leaving the areas in your organs first. Your thighs aren't going to shrink instantly if you diet; the fat around your stomach and intestines (where your can't see it!) is going to shrink and that is way better for you. And if she still thinks she's fat, it's actually a fact that girls are supposed to have more body fat than boys! So, girls are really supposed to be a little chubbier or squishier, but that's really super normal.

Also, don't do that kind of stuff for a guy. I really really really want a boyfriend, but boys are not the reason I wear lipstick and earrings and high heels. I want to love myself and feel good about myself by doing so. I would like others' approval, but I eventually grew to understand that it's not something I need. So don't change yourself or hurt yourself to try to please someone else. It will only end badly and, heck, people usually don't get married in highschool (adults like to pressure kids into being in relationships young but I probably won't start dating until college) so don't worry too much about that guy you liked in middle school. Seriously, I don't even know where my 5th grade crush lives anymore so it would have been a waste if I had tried to lose weight to get him to notice me. I know this is kind of blunt, but it's the best advice I could offer. I hope your friend comes to realize what she is doing and that she can love herself just as she is. ^u^


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