The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Lena 06-30-2014 10:43 PM

i'm not interacting with anyone right now but i'm almost crying over the idea of going back to school even though summer just started how am i supposed to do that how am i supposed to talk to anyone i'm freaking out and i fucking told myself i'd get better this summer and it's getting worse idk what to do and my family is halfway across the country and i won't see them for a fucking month i'm so lonely the only other person up here and i can't stand having to see her because if she gets to know me she'll hate me i'm so scared of that i'm so lonely but its my own fault i distance myself from people because i'm annoying and shit i'm crying now

JoMarch 06-30-2014 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lena (Post 544651)
i'm not interacting with anyone right now but i'm almost crying over the idea of going back to school even though summer just started how am i supposed to do that how am i supposed to talk to anyone i'm freaking out and i fucking told myself i'd get better this summer and it's getting worse idk what to do and my family is halfway across the country and i won't see them for a fucking month i'm so lonely the only other person up here and i can't stand having to see her because if she gets to know me she'll hate me i'm so scared of that i'm so lonely but its my own fault i distance myself from people because i'm annoying and shit i'm crying now

(*hugs*) hey nonono i know that people can be scary and annoying and school is like just nO but being social and interacting isn't for everyone. i'm nowhere near a professional in something like this but maybe you should look for someone who can give professional advice on stuff like social anxiety? so that way maybe you can work to get better like you told yourself? idk
also about your family i know you miss them a lot and loneliness sucks a ton but if it's any consolation you have us and i'll email you everyday if you want and try my best to make you feel not as lonely (*hugs again*) <3
i'm sorry if this doesn't really help and i just really hope you get better and can pull through and solve your problems bc i know you're strong and smart and beautiful so i just really really hope everything works out for you

Elizabeth 06-30-2014 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmoCat (Post 544415)
I just got a call from the college I'm planning on going to and the guy prayed for me. TTuTT I don't even know his name or why exactly he called but THERE IS HOPE FOR CHRISTIANITY! I'm serious, it was beautiful

I read what you wrote about the thinking of switching to Catholic because Christians aren't good (hypocrites I suppose). It's true that there are a lot of Christians who are just hating on anyone not like them. I find that really disturbing and depressing. But, there are still many who aren't like that. I know many Christians who are loving and kind and don't hate people who have different beliefs. It's wrong how those other ones act, but Christians aren't all like that. My family (and our church) doesn't agree with many things, but we don't hate other people for doing it.
I'd say for the part where you were thinking of changing, just go with the religion that believes what you believe.

CosmoCat 06-30-2014 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elizabeth (Post 544659)
I read what you wrote about the thinking of switching to Catholic because Christians aren't good (hypocrites I suppose). It's true that there are a lot of Christians who are just hating on anyone not like them. I find that really disturbing and depressing. But, there are still many who aren't like that. I know many Christians who are loving and kind and don't hate people who have different beliefs. It's wrong how those other ones act, but Christians aren't all like that. My family (and our church) doesn't agree with many things, but we don't hate other people for doing it.
I'd say for the part where you were thinking of changing, just go with the religion that believes what you believe.

Yeah, I know A LOT of really nice Christians and I've never really met one of those super judgmental people, but the more I go out into the world, the more I'm afraid I'll find them.

And I wasn't really sure about becoming Catholic because of all the rituals and stuff (GOSH THE CHURCHES ARE PRETTY EVEN HERE IN MY TINY HILLBILLY TOWN IT'S LOVELY) but I think at least learning more about it would be nice. Surely there are some parts of Catholicism (i needed spellcheck for that one) that I would like to use as a Christian, so I likely won't convert, but I am taking more of an interest in it. AND I ALSO FEEL REALLY COOL BECAUSE I CAN SING THE FIRST PART OF AVE MARIA AND THEN THIS ONE PRIEST SANG IT ON THE RADIO AND IT WAS LOVELY. I WOULD HAVE SUNG ALONG BUT MY WHOLE FAMILY WAS JUST SITTING THERE AND I DIDN'T WANNA MAKE ANY NOISE.

You can probably tell it's late and I'm losing consciousness, but anyways, that's the religion situation I'm in right now. (the prayer over the phone almost made me cry. it was so unexpected and i thought at first that he couldn't be serious, but heck yeah a college student just asked about my future plans and prayed for me that was so nice)

L.S.Trendom 06-30-2014 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 544667)
i wanna spend the rest of my life with sam

and i don't know if i'll get to and that makes me sad
and i don't know if i'll get to spend my life with anyone what if i'm alone
and death and forever/nothingness is fucking terrifying
but if there's a forever i'd want to spend it with her i think
and FUCK FUCK FUCK you have no idea how badly i wish i believed in a God that loved everyone—a God that loved me, no matter what i did or how many people i lost or how alone i was, fuck that would be the greatest thing ever—a God that was always there and cared , and an afterlife and fuck
i dont know

L.S.Trendom 06-30-2014 11:44 PM

also i'm not really wearing pants

L.S.Trendom 07-01-2014 12:28 AM

sam said she's probably gonna break my heart or demolish our friendship and like
fuck
being with her? spending my life with her and travelling the world with her and shit??
that's like the main fucking thing i'm looking forward to
and i couldn't travel alone i'd just end up killing myself
and i couldn't stay in the US

but just like fuck
you have no idea how fucking badly i need soemthing that lasts something that i can hold onto
in my eyes what the FUCK is the point of living
but nah
emma? lost her. we were friends again for a while, not nearly as close and things were kind of weird. but now she doesn't have internet so we haven't talked in months
elliot? haha yeah shit got fucked up. we're not even really friends anymore
and it's probably only a fucking matter of time before i fuck shit up with sam and then i'm gonna be alone again and what's the fucking point of going through the cycle again and again and again if i'm just gonna lose everyone and it's gonna mean nothing in the end and no matter waht i'm just gonna die and be alone and forgotten and none of it will fucking matter
and i don't have family to hold onto
i don't have god to hold onto
if i lose sam and a couple other friends i have fucking nothing
and just like
fuck
i really wish i wasn't alone right now

JoMarch 07-01-2014 11:13 AM

so like my friend invited me to a party through like a group message with over eleven people and I didn't even recognize most of the numbers and now I'm freaking out bc social anxiety I don't wanna go this is what I meant by being alone in a crowd anything more than five can be a crowd to me parties with lots of ppl usually end up with me forgotten
the last party I was at I accidentally got hurt and that was the only thing that stopped me from hurting myself I don't think I was made for parties they make me so alone but fuck
I know I'm still going to go bc the possibility it won't be bad and so I can be a good friend but just the idea of it is really fucking scary
also if I don't go I'll just be home bored and just as alone

yeah I guess I'm going

Lena 07-01-2014 12:45 PM

my parents seem to laugh off my fears, and then when I call them out on it, they act like it's all myfault. "oh haha lena the reason u have awful social anxiety is bc you don't get out enough hahaha" and then when i try to explain that they're not helping, they get all defensive and act like they're better than me and like i chose to be this way and have this war going on inside me and like the reason i put things that don't matter to me aside and instead focus on taking care of myself and being happy is because i'm an idiot who is a failure and it just sucks because I just want them to be there and try to understand instead of just pushing meaningless shit on me. it's basically saying "i don't really want to put forth the effort to talk to you love you k bye" and it hurts and I need them to understand that

HeatherB 07-01-2014 04:36 PM

there was a hugeass article today in the paper about how men's rights activists are justified in their cause and i was pissed and i wrote a thing


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