THIS FAMILY HAS NO SENSE OF PRIVACY WHAT THE EFF
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT KNOCKING IS

ugh

and if you can't knock can you at least close the fricking door

Hi, EVT...
 

Lily09, thanks for your post about everyone's problems mattering.
I really need to talk to someone right now but I'm scared I'm going to get bashed... this thread has been taking a lot of beatings lately.
I guess you're way I'm able to talk about this right now. :/ I know for sure that I really need to say this, doesn't really matter if no one reads it.
I'm not going to shrink it or white-text it... that just makes people want to read it more. XD

....
I don't ever know what's going on with my parents. All I ever get to know is what I hear from overheard conversations at four in the morning. I don't know where my mom is most of the time, I don't think she even knows I'm here. My happiest times are when I'm alone in the house and there's no one here to be scared of. School has become my escape, and I never want to leave. Sitting here in these walls, under this roof, it's nothing but terror--I jump at every sound, I can't get to sleep at night, I'm too scared to leave my room. I don't want to talk to anyone in my family, ever. I don't want to be related to these people. I don't care so much, it hurts. In other words... I'm so apathetic now, I'm lingering on hopelessness.

The only reason I love my family at this point is because they pay for my stuff.
Is it wrong to wish that my parents would split up so I wouldn't have to dread it anymore? I can't take this uncertainty.

This was my Christmas present--now it's my Valentine's day present too.
The problems involving my parents, alcohol, and the post-party regrets and fights (occasionally fistfights) that they have have had some effects on me. I'm more motivated at school, because I'm fighting to get a scholarship that can take me far, far away from here to a place where my family can never visit.
However, I'm depressed. I don't have the motivation to exercise. Like I said, I can't get to sleep. I'm utterly terrified, even when I'm in my room. (I'm in my room from the time I get home from school to the time I go to bed on school days.)
And also, I'm getting really warped insecurities about love between a man and a woman (or man and man/woman and woman/I'm just using this as an example to illustrate a point). My self-esteem has plunged in the space of a day or two from doing pretty well to almost nothing again, and I'm starting to notice the things that I only noticed in my friends who have divorced parents before now: this strange desperation, this urge to cling to anyone, something I'm unfamiliar with.

Since the beginning of this, there's nothing between us anymore--our relationship was already rocky enough. I can't even talk to her now. It makes part of me sad, but most of me just doesn't care.

I guess the one good thing that's come out of this is that I will never, ever, ever

touch



alcohol.

I hate you, alcohol

So they are alcoholics?
I know how you feel. In a way. My parents' relationship is very unstable and I don't go a day without hearing them bickering, mostly shouting or arguing. My dad overreacts a lot and yesterday he snatched the sugar jar off the tableland threw it to the floor. It smashed of course. I just want all these madness to stop. I sometimes wish for a divorce but yet I don't. I love them a lot and absolutely despise them at the same time.

I saw this quoted by Heather. I can't really respond to it- you know I have a talent for butting into other conversations- but I just want to say- thank you.

Guess what.




I

don't

give

any

fucks

go die
in a hole

*hugs* DON'T! If your dad said anything bad about you, he's wrong—you're a great person and you don't deserve to be hurt, and you don't deserve to want to hurt yourself.

Thanks for responding, LST. :/

To be honest, I don't know. I wish I did--but none of them talk to me. I think that's what made me hate them the most, the fact that they think they can/should hide it. I wish they would just be straight up about what's going on, but really it's too late. I have no respect for them.
It's not as bad with my dad as it is with my mom. My mom is just... ugh... and my dad is too good to leave her.
Instead of my dad doing that, it is/was my mom. She smashes a lot of things, she's a very angry person. I've learned that much. My dad just sits and watches her, occasionally yelling.
Everything about them makes me just want to die... I know it sounds weird but I can't really explain this feeling any other way.
I'm so, so confused with my life as it is--I don't know why I need this on top of everything.
:(

Read my username again xD
She smashes a LOT of things?
I hope they somehow straighten it up. My mum thinks they can do it and my dad seems determined to stop that from happening from his bickering :rolleyes: