I will never commit suicide


But I'm still just... Overall depressed

Sometimes, I feel like it's pointless to make friends

Because then life happens

So, I have a bad habit of letting things pile up on my shoulders until I have little mini breakdowns and end up staying up half the night to just sort of overdose on random funny stuff and music on the Internet to get myself back into a non-terrible mood.

:I

But tonight, it didn't really work. And the sun's gonna come up soon, and I have things I need to do after it rises.

And the worst part is, I can't talk to anyone about exactly what's dragging me down, because my problems are either (a) embarrassing (b) my own fault because i'm stupid and DON'T TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE okay i'm just STUPID sometimes and i can't stop it (c) about someone I care about and I can't vent with someone when part of my vent is ABOUT THEM, (d) talking about how inadequate I am to someone who's awesome isn't exactly enjoyable, (e) i'll probably start crying for no reason and TALKING IS HARD WHEN I CAN'T FLIPPING FORM WORDS THROUGH THE SOBS gosh darn it .__., (f) trust issues, (g) all of the above.

So, I kind of feel like a cat with a tissue box stuck on its head--trapped, confused, frantic, and backing up in circles as fast as I can but not getting anywhere.

._. Part of me just wants to take a break from KP. But, then, y'know what would be better? Taking a break from my life. Or just my routine. Or my brain. Can't I, like, rent out someone else's brain for a bit? Preferably someone's brain that isn't infected with self-hate and depression and jaded against so many things...????

AND THEN ANOTHER PART OF ME IS ACCUSING THE REST OF ME OF BEING UNGRATEFUL BECAUSE MY LIFE HAS SERIOUSLY IMPROVED IN A BUNCH OF AREAS but other areas still really really seriously suck and I know I can't have a perfect life but holy crup can't I just get this stuff to ease up a bit??? X__x

We all have struggles, deary. And all of them are different. And we all fail sometimes and we're ALL stupid sometimes. We can't help it, we're only human. i have strayed so far from the path, I'm trying to stick in brain what's morally right and what God says is right. But that's the thing about sharing a big God. He's already forgiven you. You just need to forgive yourself. I struggle with that... a lot. You get down on yourself so much you literally don't know what to do with all the luggage and crap. You can't let your past mistakes possess you. You can't let them control your life. It's your life, live it, please. FEEL FREE for goodness sake.

Love you, girly :) Feel free to talk to me anytime.

....*long moment of contemplative silence*...You're right, Kendra. You couldn't be more right. It's just...it's hard to apply things like that to myself, sometimes, because I know how to forgive everyone else...but myself...and I really don't know why that is. (And it doesn't help when some of these problems are unfixable, or at least seem that way at first.) But...you're right. Thank you for saying all that....I needed to hear it. Thank you so much.

You're too nice... ;w; Just...I...yeah. Thank you. I don't feel like I deserve that, but, thank you. It means a lot. You're fantastic. *doesn't really know what to say other than that*

I feel it's my duty to say something about this.
Barbara Park, author of The Junie B. Jones series died of cancer on Friday. I'd like to thank her, because if it weren't for her books I might not be enjoying books as much as I do now. She made me realize I wanted to be a writer at a really young age.
She wrote 30 of these books. She spent her entire life making children happy, and making them love reading. She was amazing.
Thank you so much, Barbara Park.

This .

Looking at what's happened to other people I know I shouldn't be upset with my life, and I overreact to so much, and I constantly feel selfish about this and sometimes upset for no reason and gah. I feel selfish and really miserable right now.