If she got to be a selfish mother fucker and opt out, leaving her ENTIRE family in ruins (I mean, her father can't even sleep at night because he's always thinking about her, or so I've been told) then why can't i. I'm a selfish person. I really am. I often times think about my self before others. Call in natural animal instincts that all humans have in them, call it what ever. But I'm a bitch to EVERYONE. I barely have any friends became NO ONE likes me. No one says, oh, she's a good person, she's someone I want around noonelikesmeandidontknowhowtochangeandidontknowifi evenwanttobutyesischouldbedead and for gods sake I could have saved her if I wanted to. Why didn't I call her back? Because I hated her. I hated her and I didn't want to talk to her. GODS I WAS SO MOTHER FUCKING SELFISH. Was? Whoops. I mean is. Now I regret my life. I regret everything because I couldn't take five minutes out of my exceedingly boring life to just call and say good night.

Now I'll never be able to say goodnight

Ya know, the last night I was with her, we got in a big fight right before I left. Nothing new. But when she when to hug me a kiss me goodbye and tell me that she loved me, I turned my head. I turned my head and mumbled 'love you too' I put so much venom into those words.

I deserve to die

tfw ur depression is either ignored or slyly pushed aside haha

How could you have known what was going to happen? I know you can't help but blame yourself, but you must learn to forgive yourself and accept that sometimes you make mistakes. You are not a bad person because you're selfish. It can be hard to look past yourself when things are this bad, and no one holds it against you for that. You have every right to be focused on yourself at this time as long as you're trying to get help. We're here for you stormy.

Madie, when people make mistakes they forgot to study for a test or maybe they broke a glass or they forgot their friends birthday. They don't kill their own fucking mom. I will never forgive myself

Lily, I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I can tell you that you are not to blame. I know you don't believe me but I hope one day you can.

here's what I do know about suicide though.

I started feeling suicidal around the same age as you. 11,12. I never thought I was going to make it to 18. Never. Even at 14, 15, even this past December, I was convinced I was going to kill myself before 18.

I'm not turning 18 quite yet. But i'm turning 17 tomorrow. I literally never even thought I'd make it to 17.

But i'm so glad I am. Even with my grades failing, even with constant flashbacks to the abuse and rape I went through, even with Donald Trump getting inaugurated 8 days after my birthday, I am so so so beyond happy to be alive and turning 17. I'm so thankful that I have managed to stay alive this long.

I have two cats I am extremely thankful for, I have friends who love and support me, there are so many places I haven't been to yet, so many concerts I haven't attended yet, so many movies and books I haven't seen, so many foods I haven't tasted and so many things I haven't done.

I don't know you very well but I care about you. If you EVER need to talk to me, my contact tab is ALWAYS open.

think about it this way. If you'd known, you would've picked up the phone. If you'd known, you would've called her to say goodnight. If you'd known within a few months she would kill herself, then you would have tried your best to keep her alive and tell her you love her and let her kiss you and hug you. But you didn't. That's the only difference. Can you blame yourself for not knowing? No. Recently my neighbor's son killed himself, and she feels thee same way you do. She thinks she's to blame. But the thing is, neither of you are. You had no idea, and she did all she could, but in the end, it came down to her son and your mom. We don't save other people's lives. We can only give them the strength to do so. And it's not your fault.

why would you give up your entire academic future for a person

ok... bitter brigade of kp (yall know Who)... do u ever silently agree or disagree w other bitter brigaders of kp. i know im not like Super Bitter but i still classify myself as part of the bitter brigade (that classification probably only exists in my mind lol) and find myself frequently nodding along w other bitter brigaders tho. sometimes i wanna tell some people to back off tho

i love the bitter brigade tho cause i know yall will call me out.... or talk sht behind my back Smh its good tho

i didnt know where else to post lol

Godstheyknowtheyknowilettoomanythingsslipthroughth ecrackstheyknoeverything

No

They know almost everything

They don't know about the scars just under my underwear line

They don't know about the time I painted my face in my own blood

The don't know I'm a psycho

They just know everything in between