Yikes I got on an religious soapbox so forgive me buddy
 

Oh hon I know what those bursts of anger can be like. First of all, there is nothing inherently more romantic about wanting to hurt ones self as opposed to the desire to harm others, which I think is a little piece that tumblr and Pinterest inevitably get wrong. I remember feeling a lot of shame for my urges to hurt others, and turning it on myself because that’s more socially acceptable. You can pity someone who hurts them self, but not so with those who physically or emotionally cause damage to others. It’s all about assigning blame, even though urges to hurt yourself or others are just flip sides of the same coin.. You can of course take this knowledge and say, “oh well if self-harmers are as fucked up as people who hurt others, they all belong in prison or an asylum.” I would, however, argue that this reality means that anyone who wants to hurt others needs just as much compassion, understanding, and love, as someone who wishes harm on themselves. I’m sure you don’t truly intend to hurt someone else, especially since these appear to just be independent bursts of emotion rather than plots of cold-blooded malice, but I just wanted to get that out of the way. No human life is worth more than any other, and as a Christian myself (I’ll get off the soap box in one second here) I think that your soul is as precious as any other, regardless of your urges, emotions, or even actions. Anyway, preaching aside, you DO NOT NEED TO FEEL BAD about this. A lot of people want to hurt thenselves and feel no remorse whatsoever. If you did or do end up causing harm, of course you’d need to reconcile that and repair whatever damage you could, but There is no point to feeling guilt at all emotionally or, if you will, spiritually. I know it’s really hard, like incredibly hard, to stop hating yourself and pummeling yourself for everything you do or feel. Your emotions don’t control you, and furthermore, they don’t define you. In my uneducated Christian opinion, There is literally nothing wrong or sinful about violent feelings or urges or ideation, as long as you recognize them for what they are and don’t dwell on them as best you can help it.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that despair and self-loathing is a much greater sin (or just less productive in all reality) than, say, feeling angry and wanting to hurt either yourself or others. In the end it all comes down to forgiving others, and at least trying to forgive yourself. You are God’s kiddo, and you are precious to Him and to me and this isn’t you being a bitch or a bad person or whatever. This is you being human and dealing with illness and it rly sucks but I’m here for you in any way you need and my contact tab is ALWAYS open and I’ll give you my phone in an instant if you just need to rant.

Love you, my friend.

-esther

I feel like I'm dying with kidpub oops

Okay so I meant to respond to this a lot sooner but stuff came up.

Just, thank you so much. I really needed that, so really, thank you.
It's just so frustrating to have everything pent up and explode like that, and it's difficult to describe it and I won't go into another little complaint post right now but what you said was very helpful and I want to thank you but I'm bad at talking apparently sorry.
Ah sorry if this sounds informal or goofy or not genuine and whatnot but I really did appreciate it.

you're v welcome and its ok i'm also bad at the talking thing

Just had a breakdown at school lmao disassociated for a solid hour my entire body is numb especially my legs unexpected movements and noises still bother me and I'm barely used to having a body again wow. Still mildly dissociating , legit feel invisible like a fuckin ghost disconnected from everything rn

I remember flashes of dialogue from when I was out of it but...

Lol so useless. Everything doesn't make sense. Error

Talked to senpai in my head. Helped but can't

No work done. Disconnect

It'll be alright in the end, won't it, old almost-friend?
Will the ringing in your head go away if you attend
To the things both strange and wonderful going on around you?
I pray for serenity to take you and surround you,
For lasting peace to come into your heart and head and soul,
For you to love your every journey to your every goal.

umm idk if that'll help at all, hahaha, but I admit I don't understand what's going on with you, quite, and I want to do SOMETHING to help.

if you want to, maybe, tell me what set it off?

meh it was just schoolwork

haha oh man

yo sup meera

No Advice Needed: I just wanna vent

Crushes suck man. Like, I have a crush on this one guy (a good friend), but he has a crush on my best friend. Last night he asked her out, and now the friend group is sorta awkward and we are all leaving to go home for winter break (I'm in college). And like, now I have to deal with both sides of this story, and everythings fine and all, but inside i'm freaking out because I really like this guy, and he likes my best friend, and Ive wanted to talk to her about how I like him but now its gonna be really awkward and stuff and just ughhhhhh.