The Writer's Block

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Confuzzled 07-07-2013 05:00 PM

http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-c...hurting-222813

For you behind that screen.

Sandy 07-07-2013 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 479115)
Like a year and a half later, I still think I may be schizophrenic... partly because I'm self-diagnosing with the internet again (sigh... -_- "People with schizophrenia may seem completely normal until they talk about what they are really thinking" really does apply to me) but mostly because I'm still hallucinating, and I feel like I bottle them up until I talk about them--whether on here or to someone else. (haha, "someone else"... as if I'm going to tell anyone in real life that this happens to me, pfft...)
My hallucinations seem to be getting more malevolent, though...?
I remember it used to be just people talking, and just some mildly creepy stuff (ie, the eyeless triplet girls were creepy, but still benevolent, as was Coraline's dad and stuff) but a couple months ago I was texting my friend and looked up and saw this girl hovering above my bed (oh god I get scared just thinking about it... *shudders*) in a hospital gown, also without eyes, and for a moment I was totally paralyzed--I remember she touched my foot. I looked around the rest of my room and I saw two other people, also in hospital gowns but... nailed to my wall? I remember after a couple of moments of me laying there, terrified, the whole thing passed and I went to bed as fast as I possibly could. But about a week ago I was trying to go to sleep, but I was feeling really anxious... and I heard all these animal growls and scratching and stuff? Like, it was obviously not something that would happen in reality (I live like smack-dab in the middle of the city and our dogs do NOT sound like that) and it was in that weird stage, like not-quite-in-real-life but also not completely in my head as a thought kind of sound, and whispering and snippets of words basically telling me to be afraid and that I wasn't good enough--it was mostly animal growling and scratching, though. I remember a small part of me being scared, but for the most part I was like, "Oh no, HERE we go again... " and I just kind of sat there and waited it out for a couple minutes...

...???????
wat???

Every so often I'll hear one voice I've heard during the day at night, too, talking endlessly about random gibberish without ending. This is the most common one I get, where I'll usually hear my mom or one of my best friends yammering on and on and ON without even stopping for air about random stuff, and I won't get scared but I'll just being laying there, cramming my face into my pillow and pleading with them to shut up so I can go to sleep. They usually don't stop talking until I get up and make some sort of noise to pull me back into the "real world", so I'll start tapping on the shelves in my room or scratching at the blankets to pull myself out of it, and even then it takes a couple of tries to get the person talking to be quiet.
And like, this has to be some sort of weird brain quirk or a hallucination. There is NO way that my friends are talking to themselves in my room at 1AM when I'm trying to sleep. There's no way that this could have just been something I was hearing in real life.

HhhhhHH... whatever. =_= I just keep ignoring them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieMay (Post 479139)
You know, I used to get mild hallucinations as well; mainly voices rambling meaningless gibberish in my head while I tried to go to sleep, which is why I now use a white noise machine to drown them out. But I still can't imagine what you're going through, therefore I don't have any suggestions as to how you could make it any better. There is definitely a possibility that you do have some form (I don't know, are their multiple forms...?) of schizophrenia, if all that you're saying is the truth. And I also understand why you wouldn't want to tell anyone... :/

You aren't alone in the area of self-diagnosing using the Internet; I myself have diagnosed myself with a mild form of OCD. But this seems much, much more serious, so I would recommend getting some professional help. I don't know what else you may be going through with your family that prevents you from wanting to talk to them, so I'm not going to urge you to tell them...but is there anyone else, say, a friend or aunt or uncle or cousin, that you could tell about this? Here on KP we can only go so far helping you...

Yeah, I hope that random, rambling speech made the tiniest bit of sense... :I

why is this on the crush thread? o___o

Could you tell me a little about the white noise thing? o_o It... uh, sounds like something I could probably use on a daily basis. I constantly hear stuff and it's gotten to the point where I'm either unable to distinguish between reality/hallucinated noises or too scared to try and distinguish them.
There's only maybe one person in my entire (living) family tree that I could talk to about this and not have them judge me, and that would be my cousin, who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and takes anti psychotics or whatever for it. She's in nursing school so I presume that she's doing well, however we live in different parts of the province and we're grown really disconnected. Besides, even if we were on comfortable speaking terms I would hesitate to bring it up because it may be triggering for her. :/

maxi 07-07-2013 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 479136)
Why are all of these people hating themselves. Get ready for my pep talk that will fail.
Like I said to Max,
YOU
ALL MATTER.
More than you can know. Why hate yourself when others LOVE you? People care about you guys! Don't deny that! Stop pushing yourself into some place where you hate yourself and your life and your guts. Stop it! You are just hurting yourselves. You matter, and you make a difference in your lives. Stop thinking your mean, and horrible and not worth it. Because I promise you, you ARE. Even if your family and friends hate you (which they don't) KP is still there for you. We care about you! Stop hurting yourselves! It hurting me to see you guys pushing your own selves down. Just stop, please?

itsnotthateasy.

L.S.Trendom 07-07-2013 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 479203)
Holy Moses, no. You are not pathetic. Holy crap, never. You are amazing to too many many legions of people who all label themselves as pathetic (ex. Moi), to them, you are smashing. Utterly incredible. I can have my pathetic, girly moments, but that doesn't make ME pathetic. The moments are. The seconds, minutes, and hours you spent ever thinking that are pathetic. They are a waste of air, time, and are too stupid and small to override your fabulous brain.

Kay? *sticks hip out and stares at you*

nooo you aren't pathetic shhh.
it's not just moments, though. it's more of a constant thing.
thanks. *huggles*
Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 479205)
no you're not *takes a running leap and jumps on you and hugs the sh*t out of you* you are a beautiful, amazing person and you like so many great things and i love you so much shhhh you are NOT pathetic *continues to hug the sh*t out of you*

*hugs back* thank you

lvhamsters 07-07-2013 08:33 PM

You told me that I'm not allowed to listen to my music anymore. You say it's evil. You said it's changing me.
I'll tell you something, you're right. It is changing me. It's making me happier. It gives me something to look forward to everyday. You have no idea what taking it away will do to me.
So let me tell you something. I don't give a crap about your opinion. You have no idea what's going on in my head. You have no idea what's happening to me. Therefore, I'm never going to stop listening to my music. It's the one thing that's mine. And you're not taking that away from me. I'm going to keep listening to it and you're going to back off. Besides, you're never here anyways, so why do you even care?
Sincerely, your daughter.

L.S.Trendom 07-07-2013 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 479254)
You told me that I'm not allowed to listen to my music anymore. You say it's evil. You said it's changing me.
I'll tell you something, you're right. It is changing me. It's making me happier. It gives me something to look forward to everyday. You have no idea what taking it away will do to me.
So let me tell you something. I don't give a crap about your opinion. You have no idea what's going on in my head. You have no idea what's happening to me. Therefore, I'm never going to stop listening to my music. It's the one thing that's mine. And you're not taking that away from me. I'm going to keep listening to it and you're going to back off. Besides, you're never here anyways, so why do you even care?
Sincerely, your daughter.

*hugs and high fives* that's reallyyyy stupid of your parents. good luck c:

Lily09 07-07-2013 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 479136)
Why are all of these people hating themselves. Get ready for my pep talk that will fail.
Like I said to Max,
YOU
ALL MATTER.
More than you can know. Why hate yourself when others LOVE you? People care about you guys! Don't deny that! Stop pushing yourself into some place where you hate yourself and your life and your guts. Stop it! You are just hurting yourselves. You matter, and you make a difference in your lives. Stop thinking your mean, and horrible and not worth it. Because I promise you, you ARE. Even if your family and friends hate you (which they don't) KP is still there for you. We care about you! Stop hurting yourselves! It hurting me to see you guys pushing your own selves down. Just stop, please?

It took a long time for me to hate myself, and it's going to take a long while back to love myself too.
It's going to be a long journey for everyone to love themselves, once they've been conditioned to hate themselves.
But no, you can't just stop.
You don't just wake up one day saying, "Wow, I'm an amazing person!"
Nope. Doesn't work like that. Just like people can't stop abusing drugs suddenly, just like people can't stop abusing alcohol whenever, just like people can't stop cutting instantly. Just like people can't stop depression. A snap of fingers doesn't make the self-loathing go away. It doesn't, if it did, don't you think we wouldn't be as fucked up here? We tried that already. You don't 'just stop'. It's not something you can whiz away. Why is it so hard for people to understand that?
People are beautiful. Everyone here is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. And people shouldn't hate themselves. But when a person does reach the point to where they truly hate themselves, you don't tell them to 'just stop', because you cannot just stop. Saying that is not helpful. It just shows that you don't understand.

Sorry if this was so blunt, but it needed to be said.

MaggieMay 07-07-2013 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 479247)
Could you tell me a little about the white noise thing? o_o It... uh, sounds like something I could probably use on a daily basis. I constantly hear stuff and it's gotten to the point where I'm either unable to distinguish between reality/hallucinated noises or too scared to try and distinguish them.
There's only maybe one person in my entire (living) family tree that I could talk to about this and not have them judge me, and that would be my cousin, who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and takes anti psychotics or whatever for it. She's in nursing school so I presume that she's doing well, however we live in different parts of the province and we're grown really disconnected. Besides, even if we were on comfortable speaking terms I would hesitate to bring it up because it may be triggering for her. :/

It's like a fan, anything that makes constant background noise. They make alarm clocks that have it specifically--I have one of these and I keep it real loud.
I understand that...hmm, maybe you could bring it up to her in small pieces, if you could get in touch, instead of all at once, and see if she's okay? I'm not that familiar with schizophrenics, so I can't easily help you here...:/
(Sorry for brief reply, I'm kind of busy.)

MaggieMay 07-07-2013 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 479259)
It took a long time for me to hate myself, and it's going to take a long while back to love myself too.
It's going to be a long journey for everyone to love themselves, once they've been conditioned to hate themselves.
But no, you can't just stop.
You don't just wake up one day saying, "Wow, I'm an amazing person!"
Nope. Doesn't work like that. Just like people can't stop abusing drugs suddenly, just like people can't stop abusing alcohol whenever, just like people can't stop cutting instantly. Just like people can't stop depression. A snap of fingers doesn't make the self-loathing go away. It doesn't, if it did, don't you think we wouldn't be as fucked up here? We tried that already. You don't 'just stop'. It's not something you can whiz away. Why is it so hard for people to understand that?
People are beautiful. Everyone here is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. And people shouldn't hate themselves. But when a person does reach the point to where they truly hate themselves, you don't tell them to 'just stop', because you cannot just stop. Saying that is not helpful. It just shows that you don't understand.

Sorry if this was so blunt, but it needed to be said.

Thank you for saying everything I was thinking.

lvhamsters 07-07-2013 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 479259)
It took a long time for me to hate myself, and it's going to take a long while back to love myself too.
It's going to be a long journey for everyone to love themselves, once they've been conditioned to hate themselves.
But no, you can't just stop.
You don't just wake up one day saying, "Wow, I'm an amazing person!"
Nope. Doesn't work like that. Just like people can't stop abusing drugs suddenly, just like people can't stop abusing alcohol whenever, just like people can't stop cutting instantly. Just like people can't stop depression. A snap of fingers doesn't make the self-loathing go away. It doesn't, if it did, don't you think we wouldn't be as fucked up here? We tried that already. You don't 'just stop'. It's not something you can whiz away. Why is it so hard for people to understand that?
People are beautiful. Everyone here is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. And people shouldn't hate themselves. But when a person does reach the point to where they truly hate themselves, you don't tell them to 'just stop', because you cannot just stop. Saying that is not helpful. It just shows that you don't understand.

Sorry if this was so blunt, but it needed to be said.


this .


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