my parents can't do anything about it bc she even scares them, but they try their best to avoid having me alone with her by just taking her on trips and stuff, or leaving her behind when i need to go somewhere, because they can trust me to be alone and everything, but that doesn't always work... and i don't see the counselor much but i don't want her to contact my parents bc they already can't do much about this and it's not their fault. i told a friend once but idek it felt like i was whining and looking for attention but this has been happening for so long that i consider it almost normal. i should try to talk to the counselor anonymously, though. thanks c:

also i have been reading old posts again and i was so mopey and whiny and just sat around crying and i have moved on and im so much stronger both mentally and physically and this makes me so happy bc you never know what will happen and how you'll change unless you just hang in there <3 AND I REMEMBER SO MUCH FROM DANCE CLASS????? THIS MAKES ME ALMOST TOO HAPPY OMG WAIT TILL SISSY SEES THIS

My brother's enlisting in the military on Friday. He's joining the Marines. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of him for the fact that he wants to serve this country and try to make a difference, but as his sister, I'm scared. He wants to be in the infantry. Those are the people who get shot at and shoot. As of now, there aren't any major wars that are going on, but in the next couple of years, who knows. The world's falling apart and our president's too coward to do anything about it. The next president that comes may use our forces to aid overseas and I don't want my brother stuck in the middle of it. We've had our arguments, but in the end, we're also friends and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I don't want him to change. We grew up too fast and it's still hard to believe he's leaving. Gosh. My best friend has also enlisted in the army. She's still too young to leave so I'm going to cling on to her leg for like another year or two. Luckily she's going to be a mechanic so she'll be away from all the fighting but still. I'm proud of them both but I'm gonna miss them.

i don't like having five and a half hours of sleep each night
i have a physics project and a bio quiz and a chinese test tmr
next week i have two math tests, a chem practical test a chinese history test a mandarin test a chinese dictation and a bio test and :///

five hours is the most sleep i have had in a while XD lately i haven't been getting more than two..

just plan out a schedule to work on your projects and study for the tests. i usually set a timer for fifteen minutes and work, then when it's over i set it for five minutes to take a break and do whatever i want.

Reasons to stay alive:
Going to France
Hosting the same French student who hosted you
Matt and Jillian
Mom and Dad
Seeing Luke and Sierra get married
Saving Tyler from crying and losing faith in God
Finding someone to love romantically
Being section leader for the mallets in marching band
Arabella and Jasper
Nicole Dollanganger, Benjamin Francis Leftwich, Panic! At the disco, |-/
Steven Universe
Animation
Writing stories
Finishing my journal
Maybe I won't fall apart

Sorry I didn't mean to quote meera

i would go beat up a certain person except im really freaking sore for no apparent reason and it feels like i fell off a horse and on top of that im really scared for one of my friends because reasons so my mental health is awful and i couldn't focus on school today but i really just want to punch this person in the face now and i would've done it except people were watching.

@tia: im really glad you at least have the energy to make a list of reasons c: hang in there <3

unhappy things i guess
 

me!!! ur a reason for me to be alive too ily tia plz stay alive

ok so i can't say i relate bc i am mentally a small child and everything, but i've had a kinda similar thing before, i guess... like i went out of state for this thing two summers ago and i was literally the youngest person there but somehow i was also taller and older-looking than a lot people (yeah i haven't grown since fifth grade but i was an enormous fifth grader). like everyone was 16/17, and i was this little 13 year old who kept being dragged into sorta sketchy situations that i could only have handled if i was a few years older. and i was scared, i really was. and once this sketchy older guy tried to flirt with me and the first thing that popped into my mind was "i don't like guys" and i literally just blurted that out. it was before i knew i'm not straight o.o

but no one found out about my age bc i just made up some other excuse like "oh sorry but i'm not really into that" or "nah i'm really tired" and later, someone jokingly said something like "lol what are you like thirteen or something" and i just laughed but didn't say yes or no. so maybe that might work? if people bully you into doing things then you have every right to report them to authorities or just completely ignore them in every way possible because that is not okay.

and honestly, if anyone suddenly stops talking to you when they hear about your age, they're not worth your time at all and you need to knock them out of your life with a sledgehammer or something, okay? or just get me to beat them up for you. i'd be more than glad to long-distance punch anyone in the face if you need it. because you deserve better than that. <3