mmmm idk if i'm butting in or something but here's my two cents--
(btw im a lesbian, and i spent a good year and a half identifying as ace/demiro, if tht makes any difference)

so i grew up in a variety of countries in asia (we moved a lot), and in all the places ive lived in, gay sex/marriage were criminalized. this is relevant because every time i see the discourse about why cishet aces/aros are actually lgbt i get really confused-- see in a lot of places... the lgbt community is still fighting for basic human rights. which means... het aces and aros are not legally marginalized and they would have no common goal w/ lgbt ppl who are being hurt daily. like if you're protesting for gay sex to be decriminalized, for example, what does a het ace or het aro have to do with it? idk if i'm making sense, but basically for all intents and purposes... they don't share any common goals, they are not marginalized by the same things, so why would they even want to be a part of a community that has nothing in common w/ them except for being not perfectly heteromantic hetersoexual cisgender?? (this goes for everywhere int he world tbh)

also i agree, logically... het aces/aros are straight right? as in, you'd call a biromantic ace bi. you'd call a homoromantic ace gay. why wouldn't you call het aces straight?


anyway not trying to start a fight or be rude or anything! rip

Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone. It doesn't matter if they are a stranger, a friend, an SO - if you want to have sex w them that is considered sexual attraction. However, it is also completely normal to not be sexually attracted to strangers - everyone experiences attraction differently. But I would probably say that if you feel like that, then you aren't asexual? I can't define you, tho
I agree with all of this. I don't believe cishet ace/aros should be in the LGBT community, but rather to start a new community specific to them where they can share experiences - especially because problems ace people face aren't the same as problems gay people face.

I'd also like to say that many people use the word "allosexual", which isn't a great word, it lumps SGA/MGA people with oppressors (aka heterosexual people) and is often used in terms of aggression and homophobia

idk I don't think of homoromantic aces as gay like. I guess they're gay aces, and heteroromantic aces are het aces
(straight is a problematic word I only use it to describe The Straights TM)
but the thing is that it's established that gay can be romantic and sexual right? But aren't you not 'straight' unless you're heteroromantic heterosexual?

I've never interacted with het aces before though, so you don't really see a lot of "afraid of being gay" people because a good deal of them are aro-spec and pan, bi, and sometimes gay. As an aroace-spec most of the aces I've interacted with are aroace-spec and typically don't care about gender in relationships but I'm sure that's not representative of the entire ace community.

Sorry but I won't take your word for it.

anyways stop saying my orientation is invalid and bad and doesn't belong

1: this isn't the goddamn oppression olympics
2: you don't get to decide who has been discriminated against or who you've offended.

If het aces don't act like The Straights and aren't just there bc they're Afraid of the Gay then I'm fine with them

ok whatever I get gay people are oppressed hell I've seen discrimination against gays with my own eyes in 21st century America

but like.... i know gays don't like the term allo because it lumps them with their oppressors but like... y'all allosexuals ALL discriminate against the ace community??

The thing about het aces is that the gays are like "YOURE STRAIGHT!!!!! GET OUT OF LGBT!!!!!" but The Straights are like "EW GROSS!!!! DISEASED PEOPLE!!!!! SEX IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!"

anyways why does the LGBT community hate us so much

Thank you, i needed that clarification,
I've never actually wanted to have sex with someone, so.. Then again i've never been in a relationship so maybe that would change things but idk.
Thanks (again)

//

On another note, following a bit of what Ena's been saying; i'mma put up some points of consideration, because i feel like there are some things that could use a little clearing on behalf of the ace/aro spectrum.

- first of all, from what i've seen, you probably would not call a homoromantic ace gay, or a panromantic ace pan, because those terms are used to refer to the sexual orientations of people and by calling an ace person gay or bi or straight, you are in essence naming their sexual orientation as something it is not. ...it's a bit like purposely referring to a trans person by the wrong pronouns...only minus the risk of causing dysphoria (although i could be wrong on that point, depending on the person and their experiences it could be extremely upsetting to be given the wrong sexuality.)

- secondly, forgive me if i'm wrong (and feel free to correct me), but it looks like you feel that aces should be excluded from the LGBT community because they don't experience the same discrimination you do? Pardon me, but when did getting bullied become a membership card to any community? The purpose of the LGBT+ community is to support LGBT+ members, and that can mean rallying against discrimination, but it can extend beyond that. There are quite a few aces who go for a majority of their life thinking that their broken, because literally every other sexuality (including demi and grey-a, to a lesser extent) feels sexual attraction, and they don't. There are sex-repulsed aces who have serious anxiety over having a partner with a normal sex drive, only to be rejected because of their inability to preform. There are aces who are continually told that their sexuality isn't valid.
Who are you, to leave them out to dry because their problems aren't as big as yours? The fact that asexuals experience less discrimination than most other sexualities and genders does not negate their need for support. You should not get to deny them support just because you feel that they don't have it that bad.

FOLLOWING THAT:
I typed that last night after reading Finny's post, and it should be noted that Ena's idea for an ace/aro spec community separate (or possibly as a branch of) the LGBT community would be a good idea imo.

Okay but this is super us/europe centric

gay doesn't mean just sexual orientation though? like isn't that kind of sexualizing identities i guess? like children, celibate ppl, ppl who are abstinent, etc etc are still their sexuality. like what im getting at is.. if there was an 9 yo girl who doesn't experience sexual attraction cos of age and still likes boys... you'd call her straight?? which goes for like, everyone

also, personal prejudice is definitely a thing like there are def ppl out there who will be rude about asexuality but?? having a separate community would just make more sense bc there isn't any like... shared goals? the support that ace/aro people would need to work through the stuff you said isn't, as far as ive expereinced, something that the lgbt community is for. for example... het ace/aro people don't need the same resources for coming out as gay/bi/etc ppl (as in obvs ace ppl can come out as ace, but it's a whole different conversation to when you say you like your gender, or that you're a different gender). cishet ace/aro ppl won't be personally affected by, say, getting to serve openly in the military, getting legally married, being allowed to adopt, etc. all of which are key issues that the lgbt community is fighting for so?

like thinking about it as a community with shared political goals, het aces and aros don't fit in it at all?? i'm not trying to exclude ppl bc im just mean, i just genuinely don't get why... het aces and aros would want to be part of a community that does p much nothing for them in terms of the rights they're fighting for or the resources they're providing.

also @ what meera said: YEAH thinking that "you're not human w/o sex" is defs not a worldwide phenomenon, every culture has a different take on appropriate sexual behavior or lack thereof so