But then it could be argued sexuality is a part of self-perception and understanding who we are attracted to and how we identify helps to solidify an idea of sexuality to us. And as that self-perception changes, how we describe our sexuality changes which is not the same thing as an outright sexuality change but to us it feels similar, because it's a shift in yourself and how you view yourself.

So it's of negligible concern whether it is sexuality or self-perception that alters because even if it is only self-perception, it's still an important factor and shifts in how we understand our sexuality is of an equivalent to a shift in sexuality, as it may cause someone to alter labels which would externally be viewed as a change in sexuality but is internally a change in self-perception, according to this logic.

And following this argument of self-perception, if a shift were to cause a person to go from thinking of themselves as a asexual to thinking of themselves as bi, for example, and they then choose to act on this, you can argue 'oh well they weren't asexual to begin with' but the fact is they identified that way and how a person attempts to figure out their sexuality is worthy of respectful treatment as that person uses different labels.

External events can also alter self-perception and change how a person views and thus labels their sexuality.

but then, complicated shit.

People argue asexuals are sexually broken. This is probably a cultural thing, but not being sexually attracted to anyone can be seen as dysfunctional, or in some cases a symptom of a hormone disorder (but does the fact it can be caused by a deficit of a hormone invalidate how the person identifies). Some asexual people go toward that label after sexual trauma. These however, have become in a sense a stereotype. That asexual people are sexually broken due to things like this, hell, the fact a number of autistic people identify as ace, does this make them sexually broken bc of their autism?? I was told by someone that asexuality is impossible because 'everyone is tempted by lust'. That's a conversation I had while I identified as ace.

I'm not arguing that asexual people are more oppressed. I'm arguing that they are also viewed as broken through certain cultural lenses.

(interestingly, it was assumed women were asexual at a certain point, but this is irrelevant)

so yeah, not arguing abt oppression. arguing abt views on asexuality. I think it's also arguable that gay people are oppressed not just due to this perceived brokenness but a sense of 'deviance' people see in it. Asexuality, while also seen as broken, does not carry the same connotations of deviance. So while it's seen as an odd thing, and possibly negatively in some cultural atmospheres, it doesn't have the same kind of stigma because it lacks the perceived deviance. I'm aware this is problematic language but here I'm talking about views of homosexuality from external contexts.

It's also that in many cultures, sexual behaviour of any kind carries this idea of deviance (unless ofc its for the making bbys and ur getting no enjoyment whatsoever). Homosexuality is just another deviance, and worse in these eyes because it's not a productive one that makes children so therefore it is just 'wrong', it carries the idea of brokenness as well as deviance. Meanwhile asexuality may be a positive thing in these contexts because it lacks this aspect. In other contexts it could still be perceived as being broken. Very culturally dependent ideas of what constitutes 'broken'. That's another argument.

(its also interesting that there are cultures where certain kinds of homosexual behaviour is viewed as acceptable and not broken. these r ofc not current cultural norms but they do and have existed in the past. its a weird one but theres definitely interesting examples from other viewpoints.)

I've derailed myself here but you're frankly inaccurate to argue what gay people face is due in whole to the brokenness aspect rather than the ideas of this deviance too.

So yeah, sorry abt any rhetoric that is a little iffy I'm trying my bestest here to articulate what I mean. I'm not arguing gay people aren't, for the most part, viewed through a negative cultural lens and aren't oppressed. because I did discuss that earlier in there. Ignore the paragraphs in brackets bc it's an aside that isn't really relevant to the thrust of the debate, it's just stuff I find interesting

so I was talking to a friend last night and she's ace and demiromantic but only with other girls? and she decided to just identify as ace because most of the time she isn't interested in a relationship but also she said she would kind of like to identify as gay but she doesn't think she's gay enough for that?

unrelated but then most people in the room started arguing over who was the Most Gay and I realized that there wasn't a single straight person out of the eight of us and it was a good feeling.

i want a gf (Gay Frog)

what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'queerplatonic' thing

what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'aro and ace people' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'relationship that isn't conventional romantic and sexual' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'people on the blue hellsite making up dumb words like queerplatonic and quasiplatonic and akoisexual and aroflux and demiromantic and pansexual and the split attraction model and greygender and bigender and all this other silly shit' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'being exclusive and bitching about every little thing' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'nitpicking every single thing anyone says for being "problematic" and all these people trying to be good people by treading lightly literally everywhere to try to be 100% politically correct all the time' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'being close-minded and exclusive when yall s'pposed to be NOT just like greater society' thing
what are yalls #thoughts about the whole 'judging and policing every single fucking thing people make up to identify with' thing

i mean i just wanted to see people's opinions bc that's how you uh.... learn and develop ur own opinions considering there is discourse about it but.............. ok????? lmaooooo

tumblr discourse really is wild......... believing that u can't just make up words and identities and expect to be ~~~included out of the blue shouldn't be controversial and nor should it be taken as a personal attack against ace/aro ppl

I mean idk?? Isn't that like friendship but with things like cheek kisses and cuddling and all? If so then I guess it'd be considered more of a desperate identity in places where that isn't normal, and in places where havjng that sort of bond with your friends is normal then no? But if someone wants to call their relationship with someone that then they have every right obviously

so with the addition of some cute new couples and me getting to know people better I have realized that less than 1/3 of the girls at my school are straight.

I was re-reading because reasons and actually I think I have a sort-of answer for your friend.
I was having some discourse with someone via wattpad, they were confused what demi/demiro was, and they made me realize that demisexual/romantic in and of itself doesn't meet the right specifications to be an orientation, because it doesn't specify what sex or gender you are attracted to. In reality demi is a blanket term, and should be used as a prefix. For instance, you're friend would be demi-homoromantic.
so there's your daily pedantics lesson.

//

on another note, I have conquered the What Am problem, and the How Tell Friends problem (my friends are all mostly super chill yo). Now I must face the How Tell Parents, suggestions?
My current considerations are;
- Put drawing of skull and crossbones that reads 'asexual pirates have no interest in your booty' on my wall and wait for mom to notice.
- Use the kitchen wall chalkboard to draw an ace card with the words 'I'm ace'
- Write a sentence under the current chalkboard drawing that reads 'Let's get one thing straight; I'm not'
If you can't tell, I'm trying to avoid actually talking to them, because the spoken word fails me and heaven forbid my mom take the time to see a point of view other than her own.

Also! Apparently there is a lack of straight kids in the extracur band/drama.
so far we have;
- a really really gay boy (hey there, Zane)
- a pan girl who is also head of the lgbt+ chapter at our school
- a {closeted} lesbian
- a {probably closeted} bi/aro girl
- your friendly neighbourhood ace
- I'm pretty sure one of the other girl's isn't entirely straight. like 80% sure.
It doesn't seem like that much, but when you consider that there are only 25 kids in band, it's somewhat significant.