Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 258814)

The world looks different since I've been fighting with an eating disorder and an anxiety disorder. They're undiagnosed because I haven't been to a M.D. since I was six, but really, it's hard to be blind to them. I've been crying and fighting against food, not really sure why, and now my parents have noticed and they're doing all that they can to make my relationship with food healthy... After hearing me hit my fists against the wall of my room and walking in and seeing the lamp ripped out of its place and the books scattered across the floor, my mom has forbidden me to stay home and threatened to get me with a doctor, the third time she's threatened and not done it... my dad has offered antidepressants to me twice, but she's always stepped in and said no. I personally don't want them, but my anger management is not what it used to be and is quickly going down the toilet.
But what really troubled me was when I laid down again... I could have sworn that my dad's hand was pressing against my ribs, even though he was CLEARLY not in the room and would never do that anyways... but it was like the hand was trying to force me into the bed, so I tried to shake it off... and then I heard little girls, about four years old, LAUGHING in my head. And... I was confused at first, not really alarmed as much as I was annoyed because they were laughing at ME... They laughed for a couple of seconds, and then they said some things to me, and a man came in their little trio and said some things to me too, but now I can't remember what they are, apart from how one girl said quite clearly "dangerous times." Now the troubling part is that these were NOT MY THOUGHTS, and made absolutely no sense out of context... but they were clear, like I was hearing them with my ears, but it came from inside MY HEAD. I don't know how I should interpret these... dismiss them? I don't want medication, but if those are really the cure... I don't know. I never liked the idea of taking medication that would make you slow down and get fat and feel numb, but... :^I
Right after I thought I saw a huge brown hell-dog watching me in the neighbour's yard, but I went back and I couldn't find it... there was just a railing and it didn't seem like something I could have mistaken for a dog...

This wouldn't be the first time that I've heard voices... I remember when my dog escaped from our backyard (little silly that she is... -___-) and this voice, totally separate from my scattered thoughts as I stood outside, swooped in and said in a very calm, air-like tone, "Don't panic. She's right there." And then my mom found her in a yard down the laneway... <_<

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 258865)

Well, the day I tell my mom that I heard voices and that living life seems to be much more difficult for me than it is for everyone else is the day that my freedom comes to a grinding halt. Also, my mom has done an awful lot of reading up on anti-depressants and pshycotropic medications and all the negative things that they do, and she believes that it would be better for me to cut my liver out than take any kind of drug, and I loath sitting there and talking about my problems to some dolt who views me as nothing more than their monthly paycheck... :^I Really, I see no options for me.

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 259537)

^^@Ash and Sandy: Writers actually are more likely to suffer from depression than a normal person. True story.

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 259418)

..... o_o *suppresses OMPJ-worried-friend-mode*

Okay, Cass. I'm going to be straight with you. You. Need. Help. I know, it'll be hard at first. But you're going to have to pick the lesser of the three evils here. Go untreated? Risk future problems and the current issues worsening. Get some anti-depressants? Get a little better but risk the side effects. Seeing a therapist seems to be the least difficult. They can't write prescriptions, and you can say whatever you want about whoever you want and vent 'til your heart explodes and they legally can't tell anyone about it.

Look...I know it might be hard at first. But you can't keep going on like this, Sandy. :( You're my friend, and I'm getting worried. You need to get help.

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 259537)

^^@Ash and Sandy: Writers actually are more likely to suffer from depression than a normal person. True story.

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 259730)

OMPJ I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK AjsHDJSAHJDKHJSKAHDJKSA >w< (*implodes*)
Ahem... anyways...
I don't think it would ever be possible for me to be put on drugs: Please, doctors, keep your Zyprexa away from me! Being an adolescent girl, there's no way I'm giving up my already-fragile weight balance just for some peace in the head. >_< And there's this mental guy we see on the street sometimes... he has this look in his eyes, and he makes eye contact with me until I give up, run away, and grab my little brother before the guy goes all Kony on him. His face is pudgy and swollen from the drugs he's on. I have a friend who has some... instabilities... (I don't know if she's like/as bad as me, though) and when her parents found her cutting, HOOOOOOO. They shipped her right off to the Doc and she's on about eleven different meds now; she doesn't take them anymore and sells them all to this druggie in our class.
http://cs951.vkontakte.ru/u67529725/...m_fc0a66d8.jpg
And therapists... ehhh... the whole concept of VENTING... I'm not really the type of person who feels very comfortable with that in the flesh and blood...
And plus... I'm sure I can get by!
If anything, this has a way higher chance of being schizotypy than anything else, or it could be nothing at all... even though this is like the second time, and schizophrenia runs through two generations of my family...
Don't worry about me... I'm doing a lot better than I was a couple days ago. I think that creepy voice experience scared the crap out of me so now I'm acting rather normal. XP






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