psa i am illiterate i literallyl saw none of these replies oops omg
it's one in the morning rn that's my excuse

eh i don't even know at this point i've relapsed a few times and i'm really triggered and want to relapse more and hng
*hugs back*
sam :I
thanks :/
thank you *hugs*
hahathere's no such thing as not appreciating me enough, just appreciating me too much
eh i'll try for the no infections part at least… but i feel like i have already failed at that bc i am too lazy to take care of my earrings :D
i fucked stuff up with sam like i always fuck things up except in a new way this time haha
eh the half never really replies to texts soo but yeah i'm talking to the other person. *hugs* thanks c:

I'm sorry you feel so badly about yourself. I used to have a ton of self-hate, so, I know, it seems impossible to get past. And from time to time, it comes back. I don't know if it'll help you, but, what helps me is reminding myself that no one's perfect. The people I love the most all have the biggest, most blatant flaws, and that's okay, because I shouldn't expect perfection from them, OR myself. Also, it's possible to get past your mistakes and become someone you like more! I've known soooo, so many people who've learned to like themselves. Not love, but, at least like themselves enough to keep most of the bad thoughts away.

And, oh my gosh, I TOTALLY understand what you mean by that. One of the hardest things about letting go of my most recent best friend was no longer exchanging "I love you"s. That's just...it's one of the best feelings in the world. Please just remember, you can have that again, and most likely will, even if it's not with Sam.

Suicide really isn't a GOOD solution, though. You're risking giving up soooo, so much! That's like sinking your fishing boat after going fishing but not catching anything just on one particular day. You'll obviously catch fish other day, but, if you sink your boat, you won't even get the chance to catch them. (Sorry, weird metaphor, I know; sorry. x_x)

If you feel like you need to confront this, then, by all means, confront it! Don't bottle things up. But, please, don't let yourself become hopeless. Don't assume you know what will happen. Life is full of impossible things that suddenly become possible. Some good, some bad. But the bad things will never make the good things worthless if you don't let it!!!

You can move past your mistakes. I've made some of the most horrible moral decisions possible in my life, and I still feel terrible about them, sometimes. But, the thing is, I've worked through them and moved past them. It IS possible for you to do that!!! I'm sure you can!

And, Isaac...please don't assume that about your parents. I'm sure they love you, and I'm sure they're just trying their best. Isn't it possible that you misunderstand what they mean, sometimes? I know, parents can be kind of rough to talk to, and it's hard to get them to understand sometimes. But that DOESN'T mean they don't love you!

And, yeah, PLEASE don't. (*bear hugs*) Don't thank me. Just feel better and take care of yourself. ;_;

Yeahhh it feels completely impossible to get past :I eh I idealize people a lot tho so yeah that makes it a bit harder to accept myself……
ugh yeah it sucks so bad. and she was like the only person i could like… just hang out with and tell her how much i loved her and have sweet moments like that becaaaause i fuuucked that up too.

Meh more like just saving myself a few years of painful loneliness *shrugs* and it would be more like after months of getting very very few fish, not enough to live on.

i honestly don't know how to healthily cope with anything oops. :I
it's not just decisions though it's everything i am.

Haha. When I first talked to a 'therapist', she asked my parents what they wanted out of therapy. My dad said for me to be happier. My mom said for me to be a part of the family and not be so angry. My mom just uses my therapist's advice as an excuse to control me. she fucking thought i would have written a bomb threat at the school. she thought i was a complete douchebag to Emma and Sarah. and then you know all the comments like "why don't you be a decent human being"
so yeah they have a very fuckin high opinion of me
but they don't even know me. they can't fucking love me.
and whatever. they can go fuck themselves.

Well, I'm telling you, it's not actually impossible. <:^J You just need to try, as corny as that might sound.

You need to stop comparing yourself with other people, if you can help it. Just because someone seems perfect doesn't mean they are. All it means is that they're good at keeping secrets.

Hey, I'm not entirely sure what happened, but, I'm positive it wasn't entirely your fault. Everyone is responsible for their OWN actions. Whatever Sam did is NOT your fault. Okay? (And, yeah...I...I totally know what you mean. Thankfully, I have other close friends. But, after I lost my closest one...the empty space she left behind just seemed like too much to bear. Like it was just going to consume me. Spending time with her was literally the highest point in my week. Nothing else even came close to it.)

You can't predict the future, buddy. <:^/ Please don't assume they'll be lonely years. And, some fish is better than no fish at all!!!

Look, I'm sorry you have such a strained relationship with your parents. All I'm saying is that despite what people say, they often have good in their hearts. They can still love you even if they say/do things that end up hurting you. I just don't want you to completely count them out if you need someone to lean on. Isn't there a way that they can get to know you? Can't you just sit down with them and say, "I don't feel like you know me anymore; can we PLEASE fix this?"

i know but… idk

i always do though ugh. I know they're not actually perfect, just… it's hard for me to see flaws in them. *shrugs*

no it wasn't entirely my fault. but I fucked up. And like… i can't actually?? blame?? ??Sam?? idk i just can't.
fuck i become overdependent so easy tho i don't want that to happen with sam.

I know I can't predict the future but I can have a pretty good idea of how it's gonna turn out.

But how can they really love me if they don't know me at all?
I can't lean on them tho. hell tbh i don't know if i even want to be able to lean on them. but god i'm jealous of people who are like "yeah family love is unconditional!! no matter what you can always go back to your family!!" and sam is like no love outside of family love really exists and i'm just like
oh
haha I feel like it's too late for that. I'm too fucked up and pissed at them and I don't have any trust in them

I'm towards the end of the first season of Once Upon a Time. so um what are the chances of Red being lesbian or bi or pan or something because yeah

Yeah it is almost over. :)
Thanks again for asking. There's a lot of terrible stuff going on on this website (I mean to the people) and I appreciate you asking. :)

Also I love all of you guys. Hang in there please. You are all so worth it.

How fast do you estimate you have to go? I can't help you in person, but I can give you a few tips on breathing and pacing and whatnot. I run in these all the time, and my 5K record is now 26 minutes last I checked.
Email me ;)

Yeah, earring suck sometimes. TT-TT Hand sanitizer is really, well, handy to carry around, though. In case you ever feel like you need it (i use it on my earrings when I can't get a hold of any hydrogen peroxide, but note that it just kills the germs so you might want to wash afterwards to get the dead germs off).

Hang in there everyone!

oH MY GOSH
MY CHANNEL JUST GOT MENTIONED IN A YOUTUBE VIDEO
WHAAAAAAATTTTT
seriously I just was like, "heh, I never comment on YouTube; wouldn't it be awesome if they actually took my suggestion?"
aND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
I SUGGESTED THEY MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT DACHSHUNDS
AND THEY DID

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yBnIAdcsbo

WHAT
WHAT
WHAT

I mean yeah I know this is a small up-and-coming YT channel, but it's run by Animalist, which is owned by the DISCOVERY CHANNEL!

Just
what

I'm freaking out

I know this is really small and random but oh my gosh this totally made my day! ;w;