no im just being stupid my lip and fingernails/fingers are bleeding lol
that was prolly a bad idea in hindsight but it feels good
no i am not self harming if you think so
unless
and now im wondering is vigorous nail/skin biting is a form of self harm is it
also @cosmo: lol wb does that to my posts sometimes too it's annoyig you're fine

ohhhh ok that's good c: well not really good bc my lip keeps randomly bleeding when i try to flute and it sort of made my entire section so concerned for me xD (gosh i love my flute children) plus it impacted my playing so much
also i'm 110% fine now and my friend's here and we're studying together <3

meera. listen to me. aiming this high is too much for you apparently, because i can clearly tell you're freaking out over this and it's rly affecting your mental health.
what profession do you want? bc my shrink has a doctorate in psychology and a rly good income as far as i can tell and she does what she wants and she got a c in math!! she said she nearly failed german but she never needed it in life, and maybe it would've been better if she did better in it but she accepted that she's never going to germany and it's completely irrelevant to her career, and nobody's judging her immensely for not getting an a in german, so who cares?
honestly not getting straight as is completely ok. not many people do, and no parent wants to see their child end up in a high college with straight as that's way too stressful for them. no parent wants to switch their child's emotional stability for straight as. i promise you. if you try your hardest, that's all you can do.
no one is perfect and ik deep down you know this too. don't set yourself too high up bc you'll just come tumbling down

Jasper, my friend, abandonment is something we all fear. But know that I'll always be here for you, and so will other members of KP. My mum's bestie is bipolar so I've seen this stuff before, though not in any great detail as I'm kept away from it.

But Jas - can I call you this, I like it as a nickname like - if you're bipolar, you'll have done your research, right? I know I did when I got told I was on the spectrum. Do you have an official medical diagnosis? Do you have prescription meds? These things are incredibly important, my mum's friend didn't have them as a teenager and so didn't have much support. With bipolar, support is ESSENTIAL. My mum's friend has been through so much, if she'd had a diagnosis sooner it could have helped.

If you can't get medical help, talk to me about it okay? I'm on tumblr, I've got an email, I'm on skype, if you ever need to talk I'm not going to bail on you. I'm here.

You're my secret Aussie twin and I'll always be there for you.

i did it last semester

apologies for the terrible "advice" TT-TT
 

Hey, Jasper, it's going to be okay. People are terrible and usually they don't realize the impacts they have on someone's life (a negative impact in this case). It's a bad feeling when this happens, but try not to dwell on it too much. and this next part is very important

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

you can affect things, but know that you are only affecting them in the way you were always meant to. if something bad happens and it was overall someone else's decision, it is not your fault and I don't blame you for being upset about it. I know it may seem like stuff in you life pushed them away, but really, did you ask to have a disorder? did any of us ask to be depressed? to be happy? to go through puberty? to be suicidal?

No! So you can't blame yourself for these things that are affecting you because I know that can consume you to the point where it feels like they're a part of you. But trust me, you are going to be fine and they were very rude for not at least trying to help you through this.

on the slightly brighter side of things, now you know for sure you have room in your life for someone better than them, someone more supportive and caring, and someone who doesn't want to leave you EVER. that person WILL DEFINITELY come along and they will help you the best they can, but don't be afraid to find them (even though the world will make you afraid because there are weird people out there).

So hang in there, okay? We're all here for you! and although I don't know what it's like to have a bipolar disorder, I do know what it's like to have depression....and it sucks. and with stuff like this, it's important that people are there for you and some of them won't be. But hang onto those people who are there for you and know that there are others out there who would give you all of their love and support if they could just meet you and get to know you. so hang in there, little gem. blue half of square mom's lookin out for u

@jasper: i'm on my phone now so i will type a very long reply when i have computer access, which will be after school today, alright? hang in there <3

ey, ruby, sweetheart, Imma tell u that I'm graduating soon. Like, i only have one class to take and I'm done. I'm off to college in the fall. legit, see u guys in the south (i've actually missed the southern winters, so maybe it will be nice. anyways) so i've been through all the crap that highschool has thrown at you and seriously, i've learned that you can't blame yourself for trying to work with this horrifying school system.

I had my transcript printed for a college meeting and I saw there was a B on there. It was in my 9th grade year in one of my spanish classes, the other of which had an A-, and I was horrified. HOW DID I GET HERE WITH AN A- AND A B? IS THIS WHERE MY 4.0 GPA WENT?! but in reality, a 4.0 gpa is actually unattainable now because even an A- brings it down to like 3.9756 (literally, they go that far with the numbers). and, at least around here, nobody uses A+ anymore. But rounding up, that's a 4.0 and 3.97 is still a good gpa. Heck, now I think mine is 3.897 and that's still a good gpa (not just to me, but like according to the highschool and colleges and stuff! I think you only need a 3.2 to apply for a freaking master's degree, so really, anything above that is fine).

So don't worry about what grade you get now because, honestly, it's going to get harder and it really doesn't matter that much when you get into college. Like, before college, you need your highschool gpa and SAT/ACT scores and maybe you need that for a job before college, too, but LEGIT ONCE YOU GET A COLLEGE GPA EVEN IF YOU ONLY TAKE LIKE ONE CLASS, AFTER YOU GRADUATE AND GO INTO OTHER COLLEGES, THAT INSTANTLY BECOMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE 4 YEARS OF HIGHSCHOOL YOU WORKED YOUR BUTT OFF TO SURVIVE THROUGH. WHICH IS LIKE THE STUPIDEST THING KNOWN TO MAN

i guess what i'm saying is, yeah, it's hard to really accept, but the grade doesn't matter as much as the world wants you to think. especially if it's affecting your mental health. But do your best without getting hurt, and remember that it's only a temporary thing that honestly will not matter in a year or when you're graduating. (because, again, screw the school system for making some things too big of a deal when really, they're going to ignore that in a few years. like what the hell america).

Hang in there, my pretty red gem. and you'll be just fine

ok so i'm not you and i don't know exactly what's going on for you atm, but i'm guessing it's about friendship?? i don't usually like to say 'oh i feel you' or 'i went through the same' bc it doesn't solve your problems, but i have been partially destroyed by someone who i thought was my best friend but ended up acting like i dropped off the earth. the whole part where they move on is torturing, which seems to being happening for you, and it's so so so shitty, but you have to remember that they aren't the only people on this planet that you can be/have been friends with. clearly there's kp, even though we're across the world from you, and there's your family and you will meet new amazing people who don't just walk away. they're not worth your energy and emotional wellbeing, which is easier said than done because i've been telling myself that for months and i'm still not over the whole crushing 'she doesn't give a shit about you anymore' but you have to move on. don't swim oceans and drown for people who won't even jump in the water for you (cheesy tumblry quote oops)
and as for being bipolar, like rebecca said, support is vital. you can't just keep it to yourself bc it's going to damage you in the long term. if you ever need anyone to talk to, even if you think it's stupid and pointless to worry about, i will always listen. i really admire and care about you and i would be so crushed if you did leave the world

okay thanks so much for this. you're the best, sapphire. <3

so my school is so competitive that a 4.0 is basically the average gpa (pluses and minuses don't count) and even jen and the majority of my other friends will have finished the whole math curriculum by next year (and here i am, a freshman in trig) and things like that. but now that i think of it, this is so unnecessary. and i just sat down yesterday and wrote not one but two extra credit papers for my literature class, and that helped even out my mental health because if i get good grades on those, then i can boost my lit grade to over 100% ^.^ and im probably gonna rely on my finals and participation in math and bio to get extra credit, and even if i can't do that, im not as screwed as i think i am because i do marching band and robotics and track and animation/cad and a lot of other random things. and i know colleges love extracurriculars. i guess im just feeling a bit inferior compared to my friends or something, but at least now im alright. <3