Dude. What the heck... you shouldn't be embarrassed. You are the best and I am actually jealous of you and your writing and your life. Find your best way to express yourself and try to get the pain out. I feel terrible for you. I don't want you to overcome these actions and think about what you do... You are an amazing person. I don't want you to be this way or this event occurring—DON'T BE THIS WAY I KNOW YOU ARE AMAZING—you are awesome. I just don't want you to go through pain.

I don't think it only gets worse. I'm sure there were a few better moments. Maybe not what you'd call good—maybe just moments where you were a bit more removed from the depression, but… still.

If you aren't doing well in school, that's fine. If you are doing well, that's fine too. What matters is surviving.
And the point of your life is to be awesome duh which you manage quite well.

You really, really shouldn't… no amount of embarrassment is worth ending your life over, ever, no matter what, and the pain and stress will pass eventually.
*hugs*

Thank you so much. I'll try.
I'm just not sure who to trust, or how they'll react, or if they will even care.

Thanks. You're awesome too, and a great friend.

Thank you.
I'm so tired of it, and so far, I haven't had any better moments. Every day is just a blur. I can't grasp anything memorable or important.

I'm not a great friend... take a day off school. You need it.

You are.
I think I will. I need to attempt to clear my head. Thank you.

No. I am not.
yes, you will... and you will enjoy

Dad: So...how do you think you played today?
Me: Horribly.
Dad: How so?
Me: I got....tired easily.
Dad: Yeah, you really need to work on your stamina.
Me: Ok.
Dad: How many times do I have to tell you...
Me: Wut.
Dad: I'm always telling you to improve and practice at home, but you always procrastinate and are on the computer all day and doing yoyo. You need to get your priorities straight. You can improve your stamina by running on the eliptical.
Me: -_- *Has heard this speech countless times.*
Dad: Do you want to quit soccer?
Me: No! Of course not.
Dad: You think you play horribly, then don't practice at home at all, then go back and play another game a week later, and say you played horribly again. How do you expect to get better if you don't even practice at all at home?
Me: *Thinks about the amount of hours I spent on Kidpub and YouTube*
Dad: What did you do that was productive today?
Me:......I played piano. And wrote the Gospel of Luke on paper, for my Lent project.
Dad: Anything else???
Me: No.
Dad: How long did that take?
Me: Two hours.
Dad: You didn't go anywhere today, right?
Me: Yeah. *Sees where conversation is heading.*
Dad: Then what the heck did you spend all the other hours on?
Me: I was screwing around.
Dad:.................*sighs* You had a four day weekend. Did you practice soccer at ALL?
Me: No.
Dad: Did you do anything this weekend that was productive besides your scripture writing and piano?
Me: My SAT workbook.
Dad: You don't have much time! During weekdays, you're really busy. When you have time, during weekends, you have to make the most of your spare time and dedicate it to worthwhile things! If you want to join a yoyo team, fine, join it!
Me:*Thinks KP is worthwhile* *Feels guilty about not doing anything that useful the entire weekend* *hates sarcasm hinted when yoyo team discussed.*

It's like this: I don't do anything productive, my father lectures me about it, and I know it's for my own good. I agree to do something about it, and then I forget about it and DON'T do anything about it. The next week, I get the same lecture, and this cycle repeats for months. And I still don't do anything about it, and I forget about doing 'productive' things, and my father just gets angrier, and angrier, and angrier. This is why I hate myself. I'm stupid. I can't remember things; I'm stupid. I can't believe I go to a school for the gifted. They put me in the wrong place.

MCR was the first band that got me interested in music at all. It was my favorite before I even knew any other bands. I listened to them when I needed to block out bad thoughts and sounds of shouting. And now they're gone.

At least their music is still here, but they won't be that inspirational now that they're gone.