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^Not an insult. All writers are lunatics. |
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That awkward moment when you're wearing headphones and answering a phone call and your music is blaring through the speaker thingy. |
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I just feel really weird lately.
Unsatisfied with my friends, unsatisfied with not having a boyfriend, awkward and cold and just... not right. Like I was putting on mascara this morning and kind of just looked at myself in the mirror and realized, Why am I doing this? Everyone knows I'm wearing makeup. Everyone knows I'm not NATURALLY pretty, I'm not even pretty wearing this, I'm average at best... and my day kind of went downhill after that. And this sounds weird but I've been taking a lot of bathes, like hour-long bathes each day, because it just warms me up and I surround myself with like good-smelling perfume or whatever and I curl up in a ball and just kind of want to stay in there because when I leave, I'm just cold again, and I don't mean that literally although that's true too, I just want to stay there and not move or see anyone and just... lose all feeling except warmth because that's the only way I get it. I'm centered around temperature right now... it's weird. |
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Another good gif: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7...lh1io1_400.gif |
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The thing is, I like a guy who apparently has no chance with any other girl. Am I really that unattractive and horrible that I can't be with someone who no one else likes besides me? Sorry, not trying to make you my therapist. xD |
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And to make this not clogging (even though that is hard to do on WB), I will reply to these: Quote:
Just ignore her. Don't talk to her. Don't let people think you are friends, and hang out with better people. That's all I can say. Don't be mean; just don't... be her friend. Do you get it? Quote:
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Oh, I'm kind of like that. I WANT someone like that, but my hormones are all "LOL NOPE YOU LIKE THIS GUY YOU WANNA KISS HIM THAT'S AWKWARD IDC LOL LOOK YOU LIKE THIS GUY NOW YOU'RE GONNA ACT ALL STUPID AND STUTTERY AROUND HIM" and I'm like "Hormones, STFU." Except for they don't. So... I'm just trying to not think about guys at the moment. Enough crap going on in life without 'em. No, it's all right. I don't mind being a therapist so long as I get to covet your deepest, darkest secrets. ...that was a joke. |
1) One of my best friends is ignoring me and I have no clue why ;~; I want to ask him but I'm afraid too. Besides, I barely see him at school and he just doesn't come online anymore (aka appearing offline to me) So I don't know why. He was the person I was able to vent too and now he's gone. I don't know what went wrong. Whatever it was, I'm sorry.
2) Another of my best friends, my puppy dog, Buckley, has hip dysplasia and we're eventually going to have to put him down ;~; I love him so much ~huggles puppy~ 3) So I liked this guy and he actually liked me back, but he doesn't text me anymore. So I keep wondering why and that leaves me wondering what's wrong. Is it because I'm ugly; not good enough? Did he find another girl; one whose better then me (aka anybody). Ah, just another reason to make me insecure. 4) My parents are freaking jerks. I mean, I don't hate them. I just don't like them; you know what I mean? They never listen and they always pin the blame on me, not my brother. Example: My brother hit me, so I hit him back then he started cussing at me. My mother comes in and starts screaming at me. No, not yelling, screaming. I just really can't take it much more. I've considered running away, but where would I go? 3 more years till I can move out; three more years . . . 5) My friend. I've said enough about her in previous posts. It remains the exact same. Her continuous one-upping is killing me from the inside out. Ugh. 6) I always try to be there for my friends, I really do. I stayed up with my best friend till around 4 am in the morning when she was upset after being bullied and was considering suicide. She said I saved her. I love that feeling but I don't know how much longer I can do it; listen to others vents while my own, and there's pile up inside of me. They're ready to just burst out. And I feel selfish for this but I can't help it. Argh. Besides, most of my vents are about my friends so I can't tell them without making them feel bad. Especially after my friend found out about one of them..... Her reply (and I quote)~ "and now im the loneliest girl ever. Most hurt. And probably beat the world record of crying but why should i say anything anymore im just seeking at attention like the attention wh*** i am," And then later she said stupid razor so I told her not to cut. So she said, "Im not running away from anything!!! I said stupid razor i didnt say i cut god just leave me alone." Me: "Well forgive me for asking. I thought friends cared about each other." So she said, "Guess I'm not a good friend then." Bleh. I hate my life. Thanks for reading this vent (if you did XD) If you didn't I don't blame you ~looks up~ It's quite stupid and long. I just needed to get it all out. |
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Yeah, I know that feeling. My hormones: "NORMAL CONVERSATIONS HAHA NOPE JUST SAY RANDOM S***." -_- I hate it. :D No, that was hysterical, I wasn't creeped out. xD |
so, a few days ago, my friend found a post of mine that was about my sexuality. it wasn't clear and i told her i would tell her later, but I never did because i don't think im ready to come out yet. however she keeps bugging me and she doesn't understand why i can't tell her but i can tell a bunch of people on the internet... at the same time im not ready to tell her i'm bisexual and i'm confused on what to do.
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hallppppppp
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(or maybe that's me being odd but whatever hope is good.) |
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We're kids. KIDpub, people, KIDpub. Are there teens on here? Yes, clearly. There are lots of teens on here. But we're all still developing as individuals. We shouldn't think we have to decide what we are just because we see someone else is deciding, or because it's the norm, or because it's suddenly being accepted. We shouldn't think that what we say we are now is what we'll be for the rest of our lives. People change. Kids and teens change the most, but so do adults. The point I'm getting at is...don't rush yourself. <:^J Don't worry about this. Do whatever makes you comfortable. But I think you're putting unnecessary stress on yourself. |
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I think you should tell her, and she proabably won't think of you as weird. If you don't feel comfortable telling her, that's fine. Don't worry. If she's a true friend, she'll be there for you all the way. Oh, and if you are suffering from it or are depressed, just think of the best memory in your life. Always think of that. Or just cling on to a tiny thread of hope. That's what I do; the person I like probably doesn't like me. You'll be okay. I'm sure of it. |
oh hay look
a lot of f-words i hate myself i'm fucked up i hate myself fuck feeling (my version of) okay i hate it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc today—or was it yesterday—it crossed my mind to kill myself because everyone else would be better off without me i'm not actually going to do it but sometimes i want to burn it all down and build myself up as a new person but i don't know how and i can't find anything to burn down and i'm so sick of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iCtpuQvydk i actually have no idea if people at school actually like me or if it's all one elaborate joke, let's humour the homeschooled kid and my dad just asked when the last time i ate was (hahaha like you fucking care) i said lunch /fucking…idon'tevenknowwhat I HATE MYSELF |
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2. i don't know, that's always the hardest part, trying to find something and recreate yourself, but hang in there okay. 3. i don't know what to say, but if it's a joke f**k them. 4. please eat please you need to. 5. don't, you're an amazing person. |
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And that's the end of me discussing ONLY the point of you thinking that "everyone" would be better off without you. O_O Give me a minute to reply to the rest of your post, please, Isaac, my friend. |
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I have an Isaac in my reading class... but he... nevermind. |
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thanks. Quote:
and, just so you know, i wasn't actually considering it. it just… sort of crossed my mind. thank you. a lot. :'3 Quote:
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3. i really don't think it is, i don't see why they wuold go to that effort, but sometimes i get kind of paranoid and i don't know 4. i am. a bit at least. that's part of why i hate myself. i should go on a bloody diet, haha. and thank you all. |
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LST you are amazingly awesome and epictastical!!!!! Of course all of the people from your school like you, how can they not? From your personality you are an awesome person :3 I don't know what I can say to help you, but just stay strong, keep eating, and push all of the bad thoughts to the back of your mind and keep all of the good ones at the front. I know way easier said then done, but it will help :3 ~glomps you~ If you ever need help or . . . well anything, just email me :3 |
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Anyway. I totally know how you feel about wanting to just kill off your current self and just make another, better you. I've actually done that many, MANY times. Sometimes I think I'm a flipping Time Lord from all the times I've died and totally completely reinvented my personality. But, the thing is, I'm still just a teen, so, I'm hardly ever satisfied with who I am, and that seems to be the trend with all teens. What you need to do is this: If you want to reinvent yourself, I say, go ahead. In fact, I want you to do that, because I can't stand to see you look at yourself like this. O_e But, when/if you accomplish that, don't be surprised if your newish self isn't 100% perfect in your eyes. The point of remaking yourself is making yourself into someone who you can at least tolerate--maybe even have some respect for, NOT to be all ZOMG-I'm-Eclipse-Silver-and-Evil-Kineval-combined-I'm-100%-awesome! *sincerely hopes you remember Vaaren Salvation enough to know who Eclipse is* <:^J You know? Just...just...jkabskjfbakjbf. Okay. Start with your viewpoint, if you want to burn yourself down and start again. Take the Lorelai approach (*isn't expecting you to understand that reference*)! If something someone does to you that's a bit petty but still upsets you, don't get angry. Be amused. Laugh at the person! Don't let their actions govern your mood. Or, if you just want to feel again, take the time to slow down. On a non-busy day (winter break is coming up, you should have plenty), just go for a walk or something. Eat a candy bar and take ten minutes to do it. Or, if you want a different approach, do something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Take another route to get to somewhere! Walk backwards over the course of one day! Go to a totally different library or park or whatever! Say hello to every freaking person you see and say "screw it" to anyone that thinks you're insane! Jump in a freezing pool of water! ANYTHING you've never done before, or haven't done many times. Anything to get your mind to pay attention and FEEL SOMETHING. ...And that concludes Part Two of mah lecture. owo Please allow me to write Part THREEEEE. *flies away* |
Amber: :^| I just wanted to come on here really quick to say something. Tredom? Yeah. I think you broke Ash. XD XD DX DX She's officially stuck in caring-friend mode. If she's smothering you with advice or getting too emotional or talking too much, just know that she'll stop eventually. o_e And she doesn't mean to make you uncomfortable or bored. So...yeah. >_>
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But, seriously, now. ._. I don't see a single thing about you that would make people not like you. I'm dead freaking serious, here. Usually everyone has some kind of quirk or habit or whatever that most people don't like, but if you have one, man, you've hidden it well, 'cuz I don't see it. If you're thinking about your shyness, then, calm down. I think it's safe to say that most people would chose to hang out with a shy person compared to an overbearing person. SO. ^_^ Yeah. And please don't get me started on the eating thing again, buddy. ;w; This is coming from the girl who practically gave teenagers the title of "bottomless pits," so, that COULD be why I can't understand how you're going so long without eating. I can't think about ANYTHING but food when I'm hungry. And, (this is just a theory, here, buddy, but), maybe part of why you feel so bad is because you physically aren't getting what you need to be happy and healthy? As corny as it sounds--healthy goes hand-in-hand with happy, even if you have depression or any number of mental issues. And, if anything, eating would at least take that one small thing off your list of things that's wrong. I know you're probably feeling to ill to eat, but at least choke down a cracker or something ever couple hours. Something is better than nothing. <:^J And I'm sure that deep down, your father DOES care about you. But, sometimes, people are just too messed up to show it, and sometimes don't even know HOW. Just keep in mind that he hasn't abandoned your family, he at least acknowledges your existence and that yes, you are his son. Because if he REALLY didn't give a ****, he would have shown it and left a long time ago. AND he DID care enough to ask you about your eating habits, even if it was brief and didn't seem like much. <:^) This is coming from a person who HAS actually been totally abandoned by multiple family members, so, please don't try to question my credibility on this one. XD |
Point is, Tredom, I care. x_x I'm sorry I went flying off the handle like that. (I'd give anything to go back to being numb like you are--because, once you get so numb that think pain and anger is better than feeling nothing at all...after you feel that relentless pain and anger for a while, you miss being numb...but it IS a bit of a springboard for happiness if you're sane enough to know what pain is acceptable and what isn't [i.e. physical harm VS facing someone who's been treating you like dirt for years]. <:^J)
Just...kjsbfjkbsfkjb. Oh gosh. x_X Where did the last hour ago? Just feel better, okay? Don't make me go crazy like this again...XD XD DX DX |
._. I wish I wasnt so shy.
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*is now a bit insane, so don't be surprised of that blurb right there made no sense at all! 8D* *also would prefer if no one quoted this post just in case I want to delete it later when I'm sane again... ._.* |
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Don't hate yourself. D: You're an awesome person and everyone on this site cares about you even though it's through the internet; that's how great you are! Don't get pissed about school - it's only a short time in your life, and soon enough, you'll be out of it. :P If your dad doesn't care about you, why care about him, or even bother to listen to what he says? Soon enough, things'll be better. :p Ugh. I'm no good at advice, but I hope I helped. >.< |
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