._.

I've been in this anti-social slump for over two months now, and I FINALLY feel like chatting with someone...but none of my friends are available to talk.

*curls up in a corner*


http://media.screened.com/uploads/0/...ner_of_woe.jpg

You. Gmail. Now.


(*intense face*)

Me when I saw that gif:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2lf8dqSwb1r6x0bw.gif

(Yes. Fighting Hetalia with more Hetalia. *me gusta*)

Meh… Kinda curious? Annoyed. And a bit fml-ish. And relieved.
 

(the second part isn't meant to cause offence to anyone. It's just… gah.)

I can't hold onto me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.
~ Lithium by Evanescence
^ Basically that.
When I'm around other people… I don't feel depressed. I don't really feel anything. Just spazzy, usually. Sometimes a bit nervous/anxious. But thoughts… hardly flow through my head. Few emotions. It's absent. Like… my personality, my self, just ups and leaves. Leaving me just an empty shell. I'm not depressed, usually not self-hating… but it just doesn't effing matter, because I'm hardly there. There's no deepness to me. I'm kind of… flat. Just a spazzy facade. Any teasing, insults? Most of the time they don't matter to me. I don't feel anything toward them.
I've wondered if maybe it's just loneliness causing the depression and stuff, since the empty-spazziness usually only happens when I'm not at home, but… I don't think it is. I feel… empty, around others. It's not a screaming feeling, but if you stop and think… you realise something's wrong. It has to be.
I mean… I can blurt out random things from the deepish part of me, but there's not much feeling behind them. It's not really from the me that speaks the words.
It drives me mad.

I'm sick of living in the middle of Bumblefug*, Nowhere. For nearly the past decade, I've lived in the middle of nowhere, places with few things noteworthy. In a forest, near gravel roads, in an incredibly rural place in Oklahoma. Miles from the nearest town. In uber redneck land. And the other place? Seven miles from the nearest town in pretty rural Missouri, with neighbours I've talked to maybe twice this year.
The local public school, I've heard, really effing sucks and I think I agree: earlier today, I took an achievement test there. It was supposed to to test for all of high school and have questions I wouldn't know the answers to, my mom said.
The toughest/most complicated mathematical problem was y [divided by] 10 = -5
The person giving the test said I was good at math. While I was doing pretty simple addition.
-________________-

There's the fml/f-every-place-I've-lived-in-memory part. The relieved part is because my mom said they were considering putting me in ninth grade, when I should be in tenth. Which would have been very effing bad.


* I BLAME JOHN GREEN. It sounds better than the version ending with a four-letter word, to me. :p


La dee da… Another novel from LST! *Skips away* >_>
*Isn't angsty at the moment* *Instead… apatheticish*

And then I see you there
With your arms open wide, and you try to embrace me
These lonely tears I cry
They keep me in chains and I wish they'd release me
Cold is the night but
Colder still is the heart made of stone, turned from clay
And if you follow me
You'll see all the black, all the white fade to grey

I can't do it.

I want to go.

Please.

I remember, I remember being half-asleep.

I was in a state where, if I wanted to, I could have gone to sleep.

It was eleven-o-clock at night.

I chose to remain in this peaceful state.

I had flipped the seatbelt behind my back so I could lie down and sleep.

Pillows were stacked high, along with books, my notebook, and a bag of donut holes.

It was too dark to read.

We were somewhere in Idaho.

My sister and I counted the miles till Boise.

We were the only car on the road.

Lights shone in the distance, and we waited patiently for the city to arrive.

I didn't want it to arrive, secretly.

This moment was perfect, the movement of the car soothing.

We had been driving for twelve hours that day.

The music surrounded me as I drifted off to sleep.




My favorite songs change quickly. But I know now what my favorite is. The one that makes me cry, because my life isn't that simple anymore and I want to go on a road trip again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDPuHsOVZws

Maybe you're not getting enough sleep, ot on some sort of caffeine crash, and loneliness, combined with your sometimes emotionlessness. Because being completely away from most people can sort of be frustrating like that, even for extreme introverts. I'm not sure where the problem really stems from.

Maybe you need to relax. High school might actually do some good, not really with relaxing, but the making-friends-and-having-fun part.

And I will repeat the age old words that people say to people who are about to commit suicide, even though you are not about to commit suicide.

IT GETS BETTER.

No, honestly, it will, and in no time at all, you'll be travelling out of your rural area and off to some apartment in some city with a Dr. Who themed bedroom. Maybe not exactly, but something along the lines of IT GETS BETTER. Even though you're sort of stuck in the middle of your room in the middle of somwhere you don't want to be with a completely empty, devoid-of-emotion feeling. I suggest going to sleep, waking up to a happy song, drinking coffee, and jumping outdoors or doing something you enjoy doing a lot. Or do free writing, getting all your thoughts out without editing anything.

And if you still can't feel a thing, maybe you should watch those 8 minute long videos that challenge you not to laugh and are full of hilarious cat memes. Or request a family member to tickle you. Or get into an argument with a family member until you get mad. If that doesn't work, come back to Kidpub and we'll give you far more extreme measures. ;)

I'm not the best at giving advice and all that schtuff, but um, hopefully that helped.

Exactly. And try jumping off swings, too. :D

Swing jumping FTW xD
Forests are nice.

Or flipping off of swings. >:3

How do you do that? O_____o