So. Back to square one, eh?
...
It's either depressed or emotionless, sad or nothing at all, and I still don't know which one is worse.

What happened?

I feel like no-one I know really cares about me.
My mother stalks me (everywhere except WB) and is an absolute control freak. My father is convinced my mother has a new boyfriend, and constantly tries to use me as a messenger pigeon and tries to get me to stalk my mum. My youngest sister is constantly throwing tantrums which I have to sort out, and my other sister is seriously violent - I have to del wih her too.
I literally run any kind of birthdays or events in my household - my mum seems to have forgotten that my sisters still believe in Santa, and I need to remind her every day that we need a tree and need to get the presents, because Christmas will never be peaceful if there aren't presents and a tree to decorate to occupy my sisters. My parents are currently only letting me do one club (Aikido) as they constantly forget to sign my up. I know it's not a lack of money, because my sisters do at least one club every day, and it really wouldn't kill them to focus on their homework a bit more and cut back their clubs so I can at least keep another one.
My mum seems to forget I need money to buy food at school, so I often have to go through her purse to find loose change, or will use my own pocket money.
I feel suffocated and like I'm the only responsible person in my family. I honestly thought that my mum would perhaps be nicer after the bullying in school, but she now just ignores me, only speaking to me to insult me or order me to look after my sisters.
School isn't much better - my 'friends' are still basically ignoring me and he few real friends I have I almost never see. The school still hasn't done anything about the bullying incidents, and I just generally feel alone. My grades are dropping fast, which lowers my self-esteem, and I find it difficult to get even a few hours sleep at night. The rest I do get is very light and not very relaxing or restful.

This year, I'm trying out for a chorus role in my school play. I really want to be a part of it, but I can't sing, and I've neither danced nor acted before. It's just a middle school play, and auditions are in a month, but I really don't want to screw this up.

/hugs I'm really sorry you have to deal with all that…
We care about you, though. Others do, too.
Would a counsellor help with that at all?
As for your self esteem… you're bloody awesome. I mean, come on, you like Doctor Who and Sherlock—how could you not be awesome? (:
Good luck! :D
Dancing's hell. At least for me.
Luckily I didn't have to audition. :D

As much as I hate to say it, I don't know any of you in real life. I appreciate the thought, but right now I need caring face-to-face. *bitter laugh* Others? What others?
I hate counsellors. I always get the overly sympathetic ones, and that REALLY annoys me, because they will never understand what I am going through. No matter how much I explain it. I already had services from one of the best mental health and psychology hospitals in the world, but I hated the person assigned to me. She had no idea what it was like for me, and that frustrated me.
Thanks. *shaky grin*

This thread actually depresses me to see what all these people are going through. Why does life have to be so hard? Well, even through the bad times, there is always good. :D I sound like some philosopher.. :D
Well, this is completely and totally random, but how do you make a sig here? (Like on WB)

Ah, health and psychology help. Guidance counselors? Please. I never thought that I would sink to to the depths that I'm in right now. I was so happy. But what I had no idea was going to happen was cutting. I just sometimes threaten myself. Hopefully it won't get worse.

You'll be fine! How could you not be? You're Mary Elizabeth!
Acting's easy - as long as you think of it as your real life, instead of a play. You're a writer, so easy.
Dancing as well, if you have a good sense of timing.
Singing - just getting the right notes.
Not too hard in the end, right?

Talked to the school counsellor... She's nice (and is a Potterhead) but kind of useless.
Trust me, I'm never going to start cutting. I'm in enough pain as it is, with JHS and possible appendicitis. I don't need or want to cut.
Don't you ever cut, either. Or else...

Isn't it kind of ironic that I can vent more things here and almost guaranteed at reply (of some sort of help) on the web with almost total strangers than in the real world?

Can't help it. I have these two tiny ones. On my hand, and on the underside of my wrist.

Slightly, yes. ._. (That is...I think. I'm horrible at identifying TRUE irony. XD XD DX DX :3 *le blissfully stupid*)

O_O So.

The other day, my dad read this article about a newly recognized personality trait. Not a disorder, not an advantage. A personality trait. People who have it are called Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs). This means exactly what it sounds like--their nervous system tends to be more sensitive (meaning, more pain or more pleasure than most people feel), they're extremely emotional people, are effected by the emotions of the people around them, take great pleasure in sensory experiences (music, food, etc.), notice subtle things in their surroundings/life/situations (think like Sherlock Holmes, basically), and a whole bunch of other stuff.

And you know what?

It.
Makes.
SO.
MUCH.
SENSE!

From the reading my dad and I have done, we've come to realize that many people we know are HSPs. He and I both took a little test thing to give us a rough estimate of how likely that is for us. I checked 23 out of 27 of the boxes on the test, and only 14 checked boxes were required for a "yes, you're probably an HSP" answer.

All of the sudden, everything in my life that I never thought about and dismissed as a family quirk is making SENSE. O.o Why my migraines are triggered by flashes of bright light. Why I get so irritated after being in a large, upset crowd for too long. Why I go through mood swings that are strange even for a teenager. Why I can smell nearly as good as a hound dog, despite my constant stuffy nose. Why my advice to those who don't see value in life is always to try to enjoy having the five senses. ESPECIALLY why I love music and writing and reading so much--HSPs tend to be "unusually creative".

I'm not an introvert. I'm not bipolar. I'm an HSP. It has a NAME. There's a name for what I am. o__o And the statistics!!! :'D 15% to 20% of the people you meet is probably an HSP. That's about 1 in 5 people! And my recently developing social anxieties? Unfortunately, yes, that's real. It's apparently one of the effects of not being identified as an HSP early enough--the person will be misjudged by themselves and the people around them, thereby causing long-term damage such as chronic depression (eh, possibly, now I see it might just because I always seem to be around depressed people, thus making ME depressed), social anxieties (x_x yup, getting there), being severely anti-social, and a plethora of other things.

I just can't get over this. O.o

If anything I just said sparks your interest, or you think you can identify with it, you can take a self-test here: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm
REMEMBER, like the bottom of that page said, the results you may get are NOT final. It's more like an educated guess. NOT concrete proof.

I love it when you find out something about yourself that makes you understand yourself more. It's just this nice feeling that maybe you know yourself more and maybe you are better than you thought you were.

That's SO COOL. Everything makes sense now! Why I hide in my room, listening to music after a huge meeting, why I only feel comfortable in clothes that are exactly the same material that I'm used to, and why I tend to want to sing when I'm nervous. SO COOL.

*cries* I'm just glad I could help someone... Yesh, he's really cool, for sure! *still can't say "fo' sho'," without feeling awkward/unwanted*

I got 22 of those...that like...really describes me, too. Thank you SO much for sharing this! I thought there was something wrong with me.

Whoa, I got 20 and I was being loose. IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE NOW! Oh my god, I've always been able to tell when people are uncomfortable, and also when things are and aren't appropriate so much better than anyone I know!
THANK YOU!

Good for you, Ash!:D
Some of those are true for me, I'm sensitive to noise and light, but that's about it.

I took the test and got 13. XD ALMOST.
I know how you feel... I was so relieved when I found names for what makes my brain fire in the retarded way that it does. ._. Sadly I need to keep coming up with more names to make myself feel validated because the ones that applied in the past do not, now that I learned how to crack down on the negatives, apply.
I have the same Sherlockian abilities, perhaps more intense, though (I do NOT mean that in any rude way, sorry if it sounds like it)... ever since my dad watched Young Sherlock Holmes or whatever that movie was called, I've been known in my family as Sherlock... I can pick up on very strange things (c'mon, do I need to go into detail? .___. Too... many... details...), for example, at a concert, while everyone else is looking at the light show on the stage, I'm looking at the lights reflecting off the roof, or in the theatre while everyone else is staring at the screen I'm the only one who thinks to check the audience. Plus a butt ton of other stuff that is too boring to ramble about. =_=
From the research I did about it, one of the defining characteristics of an HSP is emotional sensitivity, and apparently they're known as "indigo children" aka "the new kids on the block." They're, if one were to view it in a spiritual sense, the exact opposite of the "souls" of people who lived years ago, who had no problem brutally murdering each other over land or food and lived guiltless existences, unscathed emotionally by horrific living conditions and watching people dying around them (I'm talking Black Plague, etc). Apparently, these "souls" (in quotes because I personally am not sure about this and I know that these are not your beliefs, but this is how I came to understand the concept) are being replaced by a new generation of people who are sensitive, caring, righteous, etc. :P There's a lot of videos on it.
Based on the aforementioned qualities, I am certainly not an HSP. X'D DX
(Pardon the random self-analyzation here...)
I find that I do not have the same creativity that an HSP would have. Mine lingers more on the "insane" side, where I will be alone for up to fifteen hours working on something without breaks in a tiny room--and I'll go through bouts of mania and display very extremist personality traits, ie, I get up every morning at five a.m. to work on stuff.... ._. My creativity is not driven by the same things that drive "normal, healthy" creativity, I think... I drink more than ten cups on an average day of coffee simply for the caffeine rush... even without it I'll experience the weirdest thi--well, anyways...
I mean, calling myself mildly schizotypal would explain most of my mannerisms... but I feel like one of those "mastermind" Sims. Whereas a schizotypal person would fall short, I excell--namely, social cues, self-presentation, reading social situations, arithmetic, etc... I am extremely left-brained and extremely right-brained at the same time, and every day in Math and English I am freaked out by something... in English class I seem to reach deeper into things than anyone else (that I know of, at least) and during a quote test for Julius Caesar where we had to interpret the secret meaning of the quotes, I was the last one finished, scribbling out paragraphs of interpretation whereas everyone else wrote "Cassius is angry" or "Brutus is sad." And then one thing in math class has been nagging at me for a long time now... a selected group of students were put in a thinking-outside-the-box math contest and apparently I was able to answer the most questions of people I know of, missing only 1/75 out of two sections, and when we were doing a fun activity for visual thinkers (making shapes out of smaller shapes), I was getting the shapes right with ease while everyone else had difficulty getting just one or two. o_O I told my dad and he said that I just have a knack for visualization, visual thinking, spacial orientation, etc... yet meanwhile I am extremely logical and left-brained? Wut?
I am still waiting for an explanation for those hallucinations, though. I will never forget those...
As for personality types, I'm pretty sure I'm ISTP. :3 YAY LOGIC. 8^)

(*sees other HSP posts*)
http://th190.photobucket.com/albums/.../th_Kermit.jpg
(*is that one kid who isn't HSP*)
... well...

*takes test/counts* well... o_O 18 checked.

XD *lols at that Kermit expression*

You're not the only one...there's nngo and Camille and a bunch of others, I'm sure.

I honestly only posted this info because HSPs tend to be "unusually creative," so I figured there must be more than one writer on KP who shares the trait. O_o But I honestly didn't think more than a couple people would get much out of all this! :D I'm glad I could help you guys, then. :'3 *feels useful*

I took it, got 18.

Anyone feel like sharing songs that best fit their personality? 8D

I... I can't really do that well XD All that comes to mind right now is Welcome to the Black Parade, which is going round and round...
"When I was a young boy, my father took me to the city to see a marching band."

Karma Police, especially the Panic! at the Disco live cover. The whole mood of things. By Radiohead.

Gloomy Sunday, maybe. By some old dude.

I'm Like a Lawyer... (You & Me). Fall Out Boy. The scheme of things.

Some screamo songs I can't remember the name of..

They're mostly songs I 'feel' are like me, not necessarily the lyrics. Unless you're considering This Song Is A Curse by Frank Iero, haha.

Animal I Become by Three Days Grace.

Sandy, I love you. Without you(aha TDG song title), I would have never been introduced to the band that saved my life.

Normally it's Bring on the Rain by Jo Dee Messina or Fantastic by Jonathan Coulton (without the drugs part), but sometimes it's more like Prodigal Daughter by Jonatha Brooke. Depends on how I feel.

*Fictional characters. These are fictional characters.*

DA FUQ GENE.
You and Finny had something special! I felt all awesome and warm inside while writing the beach scene from his point of view! You two were so innocent! He loves you! You love him! COME ON DUDE.
Look man. We all know you're gay. I mean, it's pretty hard to be more obvious without screaming "I'M GAY" at the top of your lungs. Remember that awkward passage where you totally checked out Brinker's butt and made everyone reading it uncomfortable? And what you said about the gym? We can all tell by the way that you describe Finny and the way that you notice him that you're irrevocably and OBVIOUSLY in love with him. And he loves you too! All that stuff he said on the beach, all the stuff that he does with you, IT'S OBVIOUS, MAN. Take the jump. You don't need to freaking jounce the limb and hurl him to cripple-hood.

Sorry guys. Just another rant about A Separate Peace.

Eh. Unimportant, really, as just about anything sets off my craptastic emotions these days.
Sweetie, I'm sorry you have to deal with all this s---. It's obviously not fair to you and no one deserves to feel alone, especially one with your standing of Extreme Epicness. I feel that way all the time--like I'm the only one who really gets me, like no one around me knows who I really am--and it sucks. But the thing is, you're NOT alone. I know that across the Internet I can't do much, but I can try--and I can care. I wish I could do something to make this better for you, DR. You're such a good friend to me and I really want to do something to help you in return, but I suppose I'll have to wait until 2020 when we invent teleporting by way of laptops. Until then... know that you're NOT alone. We KPers here love and support you and don't you EVER forget it, okay? You are amazing amazing amazing and you've made it this far. You can do it, hon. I hope that you can find a helpful friend over there across le mighty sea soon, but please remember your friends over here too when you do. :D Again, I am so sorry you have to deal with all this crap but I have no way to help but say: I give you all my guidance and support that is possible through virtual realities. And you have my email. You can always email me. Stay strong, DR. <3
Honey, please please please don't cut. D: I love you and it SUCKS that you feel this way, that you feel like you have to cut. Like I told DR, you can always always always email me. Vent to me. Tell me what's weighing you down and I'll try to lift the load for a little bit.
...I only got 13 as well. /highfives xD

I gots 23 O_O My life has just been completely explained.

Heyyy....
That's my exact score and one of the first things I said when my dad showed me the article he read. o_O "My life has just been completely explained."

Out of curiosity, which ones didn't you check? ^_^ (You don't have to answer that if you don't feel like it.)

To all possible HSPs:
 

Here's an even better quiz. ^_^ It's the exact same questions, just with answers that range from not at all true, somewhat true, mostly true, and very true. 'Tis a bit more specific. :3

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Am-I-Too...ve-Person-Quiz

YES I know it's Oprah not everybody likes Oprah I don't like her either just bear with meeeeeeeee. ._.

... Says I'm an HSP. *doesn'texactlyknowwhattosayhere* explains things...

Are you kidding me? o.o I ALWAYS look at stuff no one looks at during big social settings like concerts. XD *has never been to a concert; the inner musician in my heart is slowly dying from that fact ;_;* I always watch people when I'm in a crowd, since I'm just paranoid like that. >w< Also, if anyone sticks their hands in their coat pockets anywhere NEAR a cash register, I notice it right away... o_e One time.......there was this guy....at a Wendy's...I was waiting in line a couple people behind him......he paid for his food with a $100 dollar bill, which made the cash register guy all confused and annoyed since he had to find change for it, which required he open the cash register and get into their money safe to get the proper change.....then the guy kept brushing his hand against his coat pocket...he looked all twitchy and upset, too....and his friends kept hovering around him, whispering stuff.....they all looked really seedy and one guy smelled like a certain illegal drug.....I was just like, "O_____O ...if he has a gun, I might be forced to either hide behind that table, or rush to save that little girl that's standing, like, two feet away from him.....dangit, IjustwantedahamburgerandaFrostie... ;w;" Of course, turned out the guy DIDN'T have a gun, and he WASN'T going to rob the Wendy's, he was just paid that day and cashed his check with big bills for some reason. Also, he kept messing with his coat pocket because he was expecting some kind of important phone call, and he had lost his phone earlier that day and couldn't afford to lose it again......yeahhhh, I gathered all that from just standing there, eight feet away, watching. :^B DERP! 8D

x_x MAJOR RAMBLE I'm sorry....point is, I'm also super aware of my surroundings. XD XD DX DX Stupid long anecdote.

...

........Indigo children. Where have I heard that before? >_< *le intense thinking* .....O_O Wait a second, one of my teachers called me that during one of those parent-teacher conferences they held each quarter. Well okay, then. XD

o.o Interesting concept.

I don't know; maybe you're, like, both-sides-brained or something? XD You're a whole brainer. Yeah. *LOLs* *stops LOLing suddenly* o_o But, in all seriousness, you DO seem to be ISTP. ^_^

..........Okay, the only explanations I got for those hallucinations are either (a) stress-educed, (b) extreme caffeine overdose, or (c, the most likely one) you were between the planes of being totally awake and asleep, and LOTS of crazy stuff can happen when you're like that, and all of it typically feels real. :^/ But that's only my guesses, ESPECIALLY since you don't seem to be schizophrenic. At all. So...XD XD DX DX Yeah. o_e

We're learning about homosexuality tomorrow in class. c; Someone give me a headstart about it.

Uh... There's not much to it... As far as I know.., its natural and completely okay...