The Writer's Block
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The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)
-   Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)
-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

wildwolf 11-08-2012 05:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 360903)
o_o I despise Algebra with every fiber of my being.

Who cares if I'm an “A” student in all my other classes EXCEPT Algebra (and Spanish but that doesn't count it's just an elective anyway)? When I'm doing my Algebra work, I feel like a total failure.

"A chemist wants to make [insert number here; the test told me what it was, but I don't want anyone trying to solve it for me, that would be cheating] liters of a 7% acid solution by mixing a 9% acid solution and a 4% acid solution. How many liters of each solution should the chemist use?"

I'm sorry, but, here’s where the whole right-brained left-brained thing gets in my way. (A person who is "left-brained" is often more logical, analytical and objective, while a person who is "right-brained" is more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective. Left-brained people are better at Math and Science. Right-brained people are better at Reading and Writing. I’m a right-brained person, so it's hard for me to submit to following steps I don’t understand for the sake of solving the problem. I NEED to grasp the meaning behind why each step is taken, or my brain goes off on a tangent.)

The immediate thought tangent I went off on after reading this “acid solution problem”:
This chemist person seems to have something better to do than doing all this crazy percentage work. Is that why he's making me do it for him? Sheeish. Why can't he just go out and buy the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution? Is he stranded on a deserted island with me and we have an unlimited amount of 9% acid solution and 4% acid solution, and desperately need to make it into the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution or we're going to die? o_o (I'm NOT trying to mock this, I'm serious. O_O) When am I going to need this kind of math to help me get a job and keep it? And what KIND of job would this be useful for? I can tell you now, I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, but I certainly won't be a chemist. So…um…what? D: I'm so stupid.

o_o
I started to get angry at myself. All I wanted to do was rip my Math notebook to shreds. HOWEVER: Doing that would be a real waste of paper. (sorry, trees). Not to mention unhealthy. Such a surge of adrenaline and stress hormones takes a toll on your heart after the years go by. And getting angry never solves the problem. It just makes it worse, actually.

When I realized I was stumped, and felt the anger beginning to simmer inside of me, threatening to boil over, I asked myself, “How are you going to react to this, Ash? What’s the best way to do this?”

In short, I wrote a nice note to my teacher saying I haven't the foggiest idea how to answer that problem, and I've tried my best to understand it with my textbook and using online Algebra help, but I still don't understand how to solve that problem. I also mentioned that I'm getting an Algebra tutor. (Thank GOSH someone in my family understands this crazy foreign mathematical language. X_x)

Me.
Getting a tutor.
...
Half of me wants to scream, the other half just wants to go take a nap and forget about all this. ;w;

*headdesk*
GAWD I HATE ALGEBRA TOO. HATE IT.
HATE.
I'm really frickin frustrated with my homework. >_<;

TheAshWolf 11-08-2012 05:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 360904)
It took me quite a long time to understand simple interest and I realize why I've gotten every problem wrong is that I multiplied the principal with the time as well.
I grasped simple interest and % off fairly quickly. It's just when I get into the whole, "what's 15% of 89% of half of three-fifths of 1,000" thing that my brain dies on me. x_x

I hate Algebra, but I actually kind of like Geometry. 0_0 I think it's because it deals with the physical world instead of number theories and empty equations and such. AGAIN, right-brain dominant way of thinking. x_x

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 360911)
GAWD I HATE ALGEBRA TOO. HATE IT.
HATE.
I'm really frickin frustrated with my homework. >_<;
:^B Just wait until you're doing freshman-level Algebra. It's even MORE frustrating. x_x

wildwolf 11-08-2012 05:49 PM
I am so alone. I'm always ignored. No one bothers trying to talk to me, and whenever I try to start up conversation no one listens.
I feel invisible.

TheAshWolf 11-08-2012 05:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 360925)
I am so alone. I'm always ignored. No one bothers trying to talk to me, and whenever I try to start up conversation no one listens.
I feel invisible.
http://gifs.gifbin.com/052012/1337880370_cat_hug.gif
Kitty does not think you're invisible! HUG THE KITTY AND FEEL BETTER. :3

Eh, I know how you feel...it's hard being the goldfish in a tank of guppies. :(

Ruza 11-08-2012 06:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 360903)
o_o I despise Algebra with every fiber of my being.

Who cares if I'm an “A” student in all my other classes EXCEPT Algebra (and Spanish but that doesn't count it's just an elective anyway)? When I'm doing my Algebra work, I feel like a total failure.

"A chemist wants to make [insert number here; the test told me what it was, but I don't want anyone trying to solve it for me, that would be cheating] liters of a 7% acid solution by mixing a 9% acid solution and a 4% acid solution. How many liters of each solution should the chemist use?"

I'm sorry, but, here’s where the whole right-brained left-brained thing gets in my way. (A person who is "left-brained" is often more logical, analytical and objective, while a person who is "right-brained" is more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective. Left-brained people are better at Math and Science. Right-brained people are better at Reading and Writing. I’m a right-brained person, so it's hard for me to submit to following steps I don’t understand for the sake of solving the problem. I NEED to grasp the meaning behind why each step is taken, or my brain goes off on a tangent.)

The immediate thought tangent I went off on after reading this “acid solution problem”:
This chemist person seems to have something better to do than doing all this crazy percentage work. Is that why he's making me do it for him? Sheeish. Why can't he just go out and buy the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution? Is he stranded on a deserted island with me and we have an unlimited amount of 9% acid solution and 4% acid solution, and desperately need to make it into the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution or we're going to die? o_o (I'm NOT trying to mock this, I'm serious. O_O) When am I going to need this kind of math to help me get a job and keep it? And what KIND of job would this be useful for? I can tell you now, I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, but I certainly won't be a chemist. So…um…what? D: I'm so stupid.

o_o
I started to get angry at myself. All I wanted to do was rip my Math notebook to shreds. HOWEVER: Doing that would be a real waste of paper. (sorry, trees). Not to mention unhealthy. Such a surge of adrenaline and stress hormones takes a toll on your heart after the years go by. And getting angry never solves the problem. It just makes it worse, actually.

When I realized I was stumped, and felt the anger beginning to simmer inside of me, threatening to boil over, I asked myself, “How are you going to react to this, Ash? What’s the best way to do this?”

In short, I wrote a nice note to my teacher saying I haven't the foggiest idea how to answer that problem, and I've tried my best to understand it with my textbook and using online Algebra help, but I still don't understand how to solve that problem. I also mentioned that I'm getting an Algebra tutor. (Thank GOSH someone in my family understands this crazy foreign mathematical language. X_x)

Me.
Getting a tutor.
...
Half of me wants to scream, the other half just wants to go take a nap and forget about all this. ;w;

*headdesk*
Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes. I'll feel crappy when I don't understand something. And there's always that one jackass who boasts, "Oh, these were so EASY. I got through them in five minutes flat!" -_-

TheAshWolf 11-08-2012 06:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruza (Post 360936)
Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes. I'll feel crappy when I don't understand something. And there's always that one jackass who boasts, "Oh, these were so EASY. I got through them in five minutes flat!" -_-
Exactly. ;w; I feel like there's something wrong with my brain and that's why I can't understand it.

Ugh. I HATE IT when people are like that. I just want to slap them. ._. But, of course, that would be wrong, so I usually just tell them, "That's very nice. I'm glad it's so easy for you. But I, unfortunately, am having a problem understanding how this works. Unless you want to help me out, PLEASE leave me alone." If they keep prattling on about how awesome they are for understanding it, I can typically just pull out something they don't understand that I do, and that shuts them up 99% of the time. "Oh, really? That's nice. But have you read the unabridged version of The Prince and the Pauper and can tell me how the Pauper's mother knew the Prince posing as her son wasn't really her son? NO? You've never read it? Well, have fun with your math problems, then!"

soph-soph27 11-08-2012 06:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 360830)
"I dunno about me, but I know about you. Clemmy cloo!" -PewDiePie

You like the walking dead. New BFF. :P
I LOVE the walking dead. *high-five*

TheMoonWakedWolf 11-08-2012 07:54 PM
I kind of hate my parents sometimes.
I finally admit that I feel much better talking to people on the Internet than I do to them about everything; that most all of my problems are shared to friends I haven't even seen in real life because they're the ones that help me the most.
I tell him this and the only thing he says is, "That's a problem. You're obsessed with the computer; going on and writing and chatting with complete strangers you don't even know. No computer until you've got your grades straightened out."
And then he walks away and yells at me to not lock my door because "we don't do that in this household".
Sometimes I wonder if he just cares about having a smart daughter that's socially acceptable and does everything he says than having a daughter that is happy.

soph-soph27 11-08-2012 08:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 360989)
I kind of hate my parents sometimes.
I finally admit that I feel much better talking to people on the Internet than I do to them about everything; that most all of my problems are shared to friends I haven't even seen in real life because they're the ones that help me the most.
I tell him this and the only thing he says is, "That's a problem. You're obsessed with the computer; going on and writing and chatting with complete strangers you don't even know. No computer until you've got your grades straightened out."
And then he walks away and yells at me to not lock my door because "we don't do that in this household".
Sometimes I wonder if he just cares about having a smart daughter that's socially acceptable and does everything he says than having a daughter that is happy.

I'm sorry. I almost feel like I can relate. "we don't lock doors in our household." I really, really, really, really, really,really fugging hate my mom.

HeatherB 11-08-2012 08:14 PM
Oh my fucking god. You guys, I'm ranting. /woot


...okay. I walk out of Morning Meeting. I want to get to class. I'm in a hurry because I don't want to sit next to *creeper* boys, I want to be with my friends. Teacher A (henceforth referred to as 'A') comes up with attendance sheet in hand, asks me if I'll take it to the office. I decline because I'm in a hurry...as I mentioned before. Also, it's not for my advisory, and kids are all around us. A should have no trouble getting other students to take it. I set off for class when I am stopped by Teacher B (henceforth referred to as 'B'). B has apparently witnessed the at least ending of what has just occurred, meaning my declination, and is mad at me. Whoop-dee-doo. I try to defend myself, but B's having none of it, even though now I really WILL be late for class and I hope to god the last spot's not near a creeper boy. He started lecturing me and at one point says, "I know you can do better. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and you've walked away. Do you know what I'm talking about?" My reaction to that on the outside is *small, pitiful nod.* My reaction on the inside: "Dafuqqqqqqq?????" Because, um, actually, it's just a small thing and he doesn't have to make such a big deal of it, saying it was rude of me and I'm "so kind NORMALLY" blah blah shit. And it IS the first time he's taken me aside like this, acting all bitchy because I wouldn't do a small favor for someone. I was trying to tell him that I needed to get to class and that was why, but he misunderstood and said "No. Right now you're here talking with me." And internally I was all "facepalm" but on the outside I was just: ....uh-huh. Yep. Whatever you say. And so this goes on for far too long and finally, FINALLY, after several escape attempts because I really effing need to get to class, he lets me go with a "now, I would like you to keep this exchange confidential--between you and me" and a raise of the eyebrows. As if that's supposed to mean something, me keeping a motherfucking secret for him. Whatever. So I don't actually agree to anything, but I give him the impression like "yeah, uh-huh, yep, whatever you say" which was basically my entire generic response to the conversation. Then I get to class and start my internal fuming. Why me? Why today? Why the fuck can't he just let me get to class? Why was he making such a big motherfucking deal out of it? What's wrong with him today? And most importantly, WHAT. THE. FUCK. Because that was just... no. That should not have happened. He's making a mountain out of a molehill and then backing himself up by saying "this has happened before." Before? BEFORE? Are you fucking kidding me? Don't you think I'd remember if he'd taken me aside and shaken his metaphorical fist in my face and basically lectured me on the fucking importance of BEING KIND? Yeah, I think I'd remember that. But noooo, nothing comes to mind when I do a brain search--"B taking me aside to lecture, bringing up several disgustingly inaccurate points and ultimately making me moody for the rest of the day, as well as late for class." Because that's what happened. And it shouldn't make me so mad. But it does. I've known for the past couple of days now, been realizing it actually, that I am completely and totally emotionally unstable. I can't cope with fucking ANYTHING--be it a complaint from a parent, just thrown around as a side remark but it bounces around in my head all day, begging attention and thought and oh no, what if it really is true? What if I'm not capable of taking initiative at all?, or be it a little scoff from a popular girl, "that's stupid," it shouldn't make me want to cry, should it? I don't ever give fucks for popular people--why should I start now? So basically, yeah, my emotions are a mess. And so there and then at school in the middle of class, I decide something: I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to shed tears over something as fucking trivial as false accusations and lectures that only make me late for class. I'm just fucking NOT. And I don't. And I haven't yet today. And I don't think I ever will, because I'm not even crying while writing this, and that is a motherfucking huge accomplishment for someone as fragile as I am when it comes to feelings. I can pretend all I want, but really I'm a train barreling down a track at breakneck speed towards another train, emotions, coming at an equally ferocious rate, and it's not the collision itself--it's the second before, when I can see the train coming, closer, closer, I know it's going to hit, closer, and the worst part is--I can't do anything about it. I'm NOT IN CONTROL. And I wasn't in control for the past couple of days. My mom would make an offhand remark, I would curse her out so bad she'd ground me till my dying day under my breath and look out the window determinedly but still the tears would come, hot and prickling over my eyelids, and I've never felt so pathetic as I have in the last few days, when I'm a ball of yarn and something's unraveling me but I'm all knots inside so the unraveling, instead of lifting burdens and being relaxing, is loosening the outside and tightening the inside and I'm afraid because I'm going to break at any second. Today, for once, I managed to get a hand on the brake of my train. I slowed the collision for one more second. For just one day, I was in control.
But tomorrow. Tomorrow it's not going to be like that. Tomorrow, I'm afraid, I'm so afraid, because tomorrow is the train wreck. I'm going to crash and I want to die and I want to kill myself before the crash because at least I would be in control for ONE MORE SECOND but I can't kill myself because that's stupid, selfish, bigoted, and who says I'm not deserving of pain? I'm deserving of whatever's coming tomorrow. I'm deserving of the pain that it's going to bring me. I'm going to go through my crash and come out crippled and I am not going to fight back. I wish I could. But the only way I can think of fighting is killing myself, because then I won't feel anything at all, I'd truly win, would I not? And yet, and yet. I can't kill myself. Firstly I have nothing to do it with. Secondly I could never follow through (bitchy coward I am). Thirdly I must think of the others, not so selfishly of myself, of the others who need me and who look up to me--not that anyone does, but I'd like to THINK that someone does, it's going to keep me going, it's keeping me going. I am not happy. I am not sad. I feel nothing but angry and that pains me. I want to laugh and cry and hope again and I don't know how and most of all I want HELP. I'm tired of my voice being ignored and drowning in my unseen and unheard crashing emotions. I'm so tired of everything and I really do want to die sometimes, I swear it. But I've already listed why that mustn't happen, yesterday night I was listing people I love so that I could feel something else that wasn't so dreary and moody and angry and crashing and ferocious: gratitude. I am so, so lucky, and I won't ever forget that. But right now I need more than luck. I need help. I don't want to hear how amazing and strong I am--I don't care about that. I want to hear others' stories: I want to help. Because helping others helps me, and that rings true even this morning with the episode of A and B, and I didn't help so I wasn't helped and I got real bitchy but I made this post and this is my plea for help: tell me what's wrong. I want to not destroy and de-story, de-structure, demise. I want to build and fix and learn and HELP. I think it's one of the only ways I can fix myself, too.

HeatherB 11-08-2012 08:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 360989)
I kind of hate my parents sometimes.
I finally admit that I feel much better talking to people on the Internet than I do to them about everything; that most all of my problems are shared to friends I haven't even seen in real life because they're the ones that help me the most.
I tell him this and the only thing he says is, "That's a problem. You're obsessed with the computer; going on and writing and chatting with complete strangers you don't even know. No computer until you've got your grades straightened out."
And then he walks away and yells at me to not lock my door because "we don't do that in this household".
Sometimes I wonder if he just cares about having a smart daughter that's socially acceptable and does everything he says than having a daughter that is happy.
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp...kxoqo1_500.gif
I know exactly how that is, hon, exactly. It's pretty much what my parents tell ME all the time, rephrased. (Including the locking doors thing, believe it or not. "Please don't lock your door, it makes me feel sad." Mmm-hmm. And I'm not locking my door BECAUSE I feel sad, no? Of COURSE not--it COULDN'T be. /sigh)

BlueMi 11-08-2012 08:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 361000)
Oh my fucking god. You guys, I'm ranting. /woot


...okay. I walk out of Morning Meeting. I want to get to class. I'm in a hurry because I don't want to sit next to *creeper* boys, I want to be with my friends. Teacher A (henceforth referred to as 'A') comes up with attendance sheet in hand, asks me if I'll take it to the office. I decline because I'm in a hurry...as I mentioned before. Also, it's not for my advisory, and kids are all around us. A should have no trouble getting other students to take it. I set off for class when I am stopped by Teacher B (henceforth referred to as 'B'). B has apparently witnessed the at least ending of what has just occurred, meaning my declination, and is mad at me. Whoop-dee-doo. I try to defend myself, but B's having none of it, even though now I really WILL be late for class and I hope to god the last spot's not near a creeper boy. He started lecturing me and at one point says, "I know you can do better. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and you've walked away. Do you know what I'm talking about?" My reaction to that on the outside is *small, pitiful nod.* My reaction on the inside: "Dafuqqqqqqq?????" Because, um, actually, it's just a small thing and he doesn't have to make such a big deal of it, saying it was rude of me and I'm "so kind NORMALLY" blah blah shit. And it IS the first time he's taken me aside like this, acting all bitchy because I wouldn't do a small favor for someone. I was trying to tell him that I needed to get to class and that was why, but he misunderstood and said "No. Right now you're here talking with me." And internally I was all "facepalm" but on the outside I was just: ....uh-huh. Yep. Whatever you say. And so this goes on for far too long and finally, FINALLY, after several escape attempts because I really effing need to get to class, he lets me go with a "now, I would like you to keep this exchange confidential--between you and me" and a raise of the eyebrows. As if that's supposed to mean something, me keeping a motherfucking secret for him. Whatever. So I don't actually agree to anything, but I give him the impression like "yeah, uh-huh, yep, whatever you say" which was basically my entire generic response to the conversation. Then I get to class and start my internal fuming. Why me? Why today? Why the fuck can't he just let me get to class? Why was he making such a big motherfucking deal out of it? What's wrong with him today? And most importantly, WHAT. THE. FUCK. Because that was just... no. That should not have happened. He's making a mountain out of a molehill and then backing himself up by saying "this has happened before." Before? BEFORE? Are you fucking kidding me? Don't you think I'd remember if he'd taken me aside and shaken his metaphorical fist in my face and basically lectured me on the fucking importance of BEING KIND? Yeah, I think I'd remember that. But noooo, nothing comes to mind when I do a brain search--"B taking me aside to lecture, bringing up several disgustingly inaccurate points and ultimately making me moody for the rest of the day, as well as late for class." Because that's what happened. And it shouldn't make me so mad. But it does. I've known for the past couple of days now, been realizing it actually, that I am completely and totally emotionally unstable. I can't cope with fucking ANYTHING--be it a complaint from a parent, just thrown around as a side remark but it bounces around in my head all day, begging attention and thought and oh no, what if it really is true? What if I'm not capable of taking initiative at all?, or be it a little scoff from a popular girl, "that's stupid," it shouldn't make me want to cry, should it? I don't ever give fucks for popular people--why should I start now? So basically, yeah, my emotions are a mess. And so there and then at school in the middle of class, I decide something: I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to shed tears over something as fucking trivial as false accusations and lectures that only make me late for class. I'm just fucking NOT. And I don't. And I haven't yet today. And I don't think I ever will, because I'm not even crying while writing this, and that is a motherfucking huge accomplishment for someone as fragile as I am when it comes to feelings. I can pretend all I want, but really I'm a train barreling down a track at breakneck speed towards another train, emotions, coming at an equally ferocious rate, and it's not the collision itself--it's the second before, when I can see the train coming, closer, closer, I know it's going to hit, closer, and the worst part is--I can't do anything about it. I'm NOT IN CONTROL. And I wasn't in control for the past couple of days. My mom would make an offhand remark, I would curse her out so bad she'd ground me till my dying day under my breath and look out the window determinedly but still the tears would come, hot and prickling over my eyelids, and I've never felt so pathetic as I have in the last few days, when I'm a ball of yarn and something's unraveling me but I'm all knots inside so the unraveling, instead of lifting burdens and being relaxing, is loosening the outside and tightening the inside and I'm afraid because I'm going to break at any second. Today, for once, I managed to get a hand on the brake of my train. I slowed the collision for one more second. For just one day, I was in control.
But tomorrow. Tomorrow it's not going to be like that. Tomorrow, I'm afraid, I'm so afraid, because tomorrow is the train wreck. I'm going to crash and I want to die and I want to kill myself before the crash because at least I would be in control for ONE MORE SECOND but I can't kill myself because that's stupid, selfish, bigoted, and who says I'm not deserving of pain? I'm deserving of whatever's coming tomorrow. I'm deserving of the pain that it's going to bring me. I'm going to go through my crash and come out crippled and I am not going to fight back. I wish I could. But the only way I can think of fighting is killing myself, because then I won't feel anything at all, I'd truly win, would I not? And yet, and yet. I can't kill myself. Firstly I have nothing to do it with. Secondly I could never follow through (bitchy coward I am). Thirdly I must think of the others, not so selfishly of myself, of the others who need me and who look up to me--not that anyone does, but I'd like to THINK that someone does, it's going to keep me going, it's keeping me going. I am not happy. I am not sad. I feel nothing but angry and that pains me. I want to laugh and cry and hope again and I don't know how and most of all I want HELP. I'm tired of my voice being ignored and drowning in my unseen and unheard crashing emotions. I'm so tired of everything and I really do want to die sometimes, I swear it. But I've already listed why that mustn't happen, yesterday night I was listing people I love so that I could feel something else that wasn't so dreary and moody and angry and crashing and ferocious: gratitude. I am so, so lucky, and I won't ever forget that. But right now I need more than luck. I need help. I don't want to hear how amazing and strong I am--I don't care about that. I want to hear others' stories: I want to help. Because helping others helps me, and that rings true even this morning with the episode of A and B, and I didn't help so I wasn't helped and I got real bitchy but I made this post and this is my plea for help: tell me what's wrong. I want to not destroy and de-story, de-structure, demise. I want to build and fix and learn and HELP. I think it's one of the only ways I can fix myself, too.
Other people's stories?
I swear to god, heather, when i had no clue you were going to post this rant, after school today, i started a list called 101 reasons. A shitload of stories there.
Coincedence? I think not.

HeatherB 11-08-2012 08:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMi (Post 361003)
Other people's stories?
I swear to god, heather, when i had no clue you were going to post this rant, after school today, i started a list called 101 reasons. A shitload of stories there.
Coincedence? I think not.
That's fucking crazy, man. *Bryce voice* CRAY-CRAY! TOTES MAGOTES! xD

BlueMi 11-08-2012 08:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 361004)
That's fucking crazy, man. *Bryce voice* CRAY-CRAY! TOTES MAGOTES! xD
I only have 6 reasons, though.
I should work on so maybe i can let you read it
But first
Homework.
GODDAMN TEACHERS
GIVIN ME HW
WHEN I COULD BE DOING SOMETHIN TO CLEANSE MY SOUL
WHY YOU DO DAT.

soph-soph27 11-08-2012 08:25 PM
Heather, since you said you don't want to hear any compliments, or you want to hear others pain, look. Ha. I sound pathetic, like a ghost of christmas pasts or something. I don't know. Fine. I need to spew. My pain is overwhelming. I see NOTHING anymore. Nothing matters anymore, and my parents lie so much that I can't even distinguish if they EVER tell the truth anymore. Like, for instance, today, and my mom kept saying don't say you didn't do anything, because you did, i saw you. And I'm like, no I fucking didn't you have no right to fucking ground me, and so of course I get fucking grounded for a week or so. So WHAT. I don't care anymore, I can't do ANYTHING anymore, I'm dead to myself, there is no Sophie, Sophia, or anyone else anymore, there isn't me, there's just this girl who seems to be having a helluva lotta conflicted feeling and no, I don't think she knows how to solve any of the damn problems. So when I pour myself out, I hear this empty, hollow noise and so I laugh, because so many of the smiles are false, so much is made up, who's to say that the science and math is wrong, and we're all just stupid paws on a chessboard, waiting to taken? Oh and is life so precious? Is it? I wait, and I sit, and I just don't understand, how life can be so precious, when depression exists, and why is there depression in the first damn place? I'm not recognizing anyone, anything, anything that happens anymore, so I'm an empty bag and I'm just not here anymore, and I don't recognize myself, which is terrifying, if for some obscenely strange reason you were wondering why the fuck I'm even posting that comment. So I don't feel anything,s o what, everything is crushing down on, heavier than that goddamn twenty-pound backpack that I carry around with myself when I'm at school, pretending.

I can't cry.

HeatherB 11-08-2012 08:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMi (Post 361011)
I only have 6 reasons, though.
I should work on so maybe i can let you read it
But first
Homework.
GODDAMN TEACHERS
GIVIN ME HW
WHEN I COULD BE DOING SOMETHIN TO CLEANSE MY SOUL
WHY YOU DO DAT.
"When I could be doing somethin to cleanse my soul." xDD ...I'm sorry, it's not that funny, it just reminds me of being at church.
I finished my math like forty minutes ago. 36 is motherfucking awful. It's like two questions in one and then I have to write the two entire goddamn proofs. D: (Um, at least, I THINK it's 36 that required that. IDK. xP)

Cherrybomb 11-08-2012 08:43 PM
You scream and shout and ignore mom. You just yell and yell and yell and cover her words and storm to your room and talk about how a 1 hour break isn't enough and how a stupid history lesson is too hard and how mom is giving you too much work and JUST SHUT UP. Just STOP. Please, please, please just STOP. Don't you ever think about mom? Don't you see how hard she's trying for YOU AND YOUR FUTURE? You just refuse to try. You take it further every day, until she cracks and says she can't do it anymore. She can't try. You know what she said, bro? "Other moms are strong and keep on going. I'm not strong enough." I don't want to have a mom that worries about herself, worries that she isn't a good parent, because she IS, even if you don't think so. Even if you treat her horribly when she tries to help. But she comes back for YOU, for US, and tries. SHE TRIES. And you just have to keep on BREAKING her and keep on treating her feelings like dirt. Look, I'm scared, okay? I'm scared for mom and I feel bad and look back at how much happier she used to be, how much more free time she had to do things she loved. Which she spends the WHOLE DAY on you and you don't even care. Just throw it away. Please. Just respect mom for once. Just give her a good day for once.
I'll probably regret this later, but I have to get this out. :^l

HeatherB 11-08-2012 08:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherrybomb (Post 361029)
You scream and shout and ignore mom. You just yell and yell and yell and cover her words and storm to your room and talk about how a 1 hour break isn't enough and how a stupid history lesson is too hard and how mom is giving you too much work and JUST SHUT UP. Just STOP. Please, please, please just STOP. Don't you ever think about mom? Don't you see how hard she's trying for YOU AND YOUR FUTURE? You just refuse to try. You take it further every day, until she cracks and says she can't do it anymore. She can't try. You know what she said, bro? "Other moms are strong and keep on going. I'm not strong enough." I don't want to have a mom that worries about herself, worries that she isn't a good parent, because she IS, even if you don't think so. Even if you treat her horribly when she tries to help. But she comes back for YOU, for US, and tries. SHE TRIES. And you just have to keep on BREAKING her and keep on treating her feelings like dirt. Look, I'm scared, okay? I'm scared for mom and I feel bad and look back at how much happier she used to be, how much more free time she had to do things she loved. Which she spends the WHOLE DAY on you and you don't even care. Just throw it away. Please. Just respect mom for once. Just give her a good day for once.
I'll probably regret this later, but I have to get this out. :^l
That's sad... :c Perchance you should educate this person (brother, isn't he?) on all the pros of your awesome mother. If not now, then when he is more matured and ready to understand how freaking great she is. /nods

Cherrybomb 11-08-2012 09:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 361031)
That's sad... :c Perchance you should educate this person (brother, isn't he?) on all the pros of your awesome mother. If not now, then when he is more matured and ready to understand how freaking great she is. /nods
Knowing me, I'd probably make a powerpoint about it. XD Thanks. :)

HeatherB 11-08-2012 09:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherrybomb (Post 361050)
Knowing me, I'd probably make a powerpoint about it. XD Thanks. :)
Niiice. xD And anytime. :3

maxi 11-09-2012 01:17 AM
Stressing pain.
 
Look, everyone who said I was going to write a book with them, you are stressing me in every way possible. I know I say "I will try to get the chapter out by ___" but I never do. Do you know why that is? It is because you are telling me a deadline for doing it and you make me feel agitated about Future Wars. I feel like I will never be able to write it again. Ever. I know, I said to Sandy I would write a book with her but we suggested next year in June. <:^J Okay? I am already co-writing with two people AND writing FW AND thinking about more story ideas and STOP it--I can't, I just can't. Don't stress me. It isn't damn right. I am turning 12 tomorrow and this is how you make me feel the day before it so STOP. Freaking STOP.

I will fight it off but you need to promise me, guys, that you won't stress me anymore with co-writing until I ATLEAST finish editing, okay? So, leave me until that happens or... I just will feel like quitting FW. x_x Don't make me feel that way. It makes my stomach go in my throat.

TheAshWolf 11-09-2012 01:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361181)
Look, everyone who said I was going to write a book with them, you are stressing me in every way possible. I know I say "I will try to get the chapter out by ___" but I never do. Do you know why that is? It is because you are telling me a deadline for doing it and you make me feel agitated about Future Wars. I feel like I will never be able to write it again. Ever. I know, I said to Sandy I would write a book with her but we suggested next year in June. <:^J Okay? I am already co-writing with two people AND writing FW AND thinking about more story ideas and STOP it--I can't, I just can't. Don't stress me. It isn't dang right. I am turning 12 tomorrow and this is how you make me feel the day before it so STOP. Freaking STOP.

I will fight it off but you need to promise me, guys, that you won't stress me anymore with co-writing until I ATLEAST finish editing, okay? So, leave me until that happens or... I just will feel like quitting FW. x_x Don't make me feel that way. It makes my stomach go in my throat.
D: I had no idea you were so stressed about this!!! ;w; I'm so sorry, maxi. You need to do what's right for yourself; your stories can wait. Maybe you should take it easy over the weekend. <:^J

maxi 11-09-2012 01:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 361184)
D: I had no idea you were so stressed about this!!! ;w; I'm so sorry, maxi. You need to do what's right for yourself; your stories can wait. Maybe you should take it easy over the weekend. <:^J
I think I need to take a break from every single "co-writing" book I am doing for atleast 4 months. <:^/ I can do FW on the weekend but not with thinking about this stress on my shoulders.

TheAshWolf 11-09-2012 01:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361186)
I think I need to take a break from every single "co-writing" book I am doing for atleast 4 months. <:^/ I can do FW on the weekend but not with thinking about this stress on my shoulders.
In my opinion, co-writing is less important than your main story.

maxi 11-09-2012 01:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 361188)
In my opinion, co-writing is less important than your main story.
It is less important. I like it but... not right now. It makes me feel uncomfortable around my main story that I am working on. That's it; I am not writing co-books until I work with Sandy.

TheAshWolf 11-09-2012 01:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361189)
It is less important. I like it but... not right now. It makes me feel uncomfortable around my main story that I am working on. That's it; I am not writing co-books until I work with Sandy.
That's understandable. <:^J You're not Superman; you can only do what you can do. ^_^ Oh my GOSH, a book by you AND Sandy.... O.O

maxi 11-09-2012 01:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 361191)
That's understandable. <:^J You're not Superman; you can only do what you can do. ^_^ Oh my GOSH, a book by you AND Sandy.... O.O
Yep, me and Sandy are writing together after she finishes Vladimir's Mansion.

bookworm1999 11-09-2012 02:18 AM
You know I see this too Max... :(

maxi 11-09-2012 02:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 361208)
You know I see this too Max... :(
I know you do.

bookworm1999 11-09-2012 02:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361210)
I know you do.
Did you even try though? It has been a day and your already giving up?

maxi 11-09-2012 02:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 361211)
Did you even try though? It has been a day and your already giving up?
I tried it and failed.

I can't write it. x_x

Yeah, I am giving up.

bookworm1999 11-09-2012 02:49 AM
Wow. Here is my emotional vent. I am no longer Co_writing with Max. What do I do? Answer: forgive him and move on.

maxi 11-09-2012 02:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bookworm1999 (Post 361213)
Wow. Here is my emotional vent. I am no longer Co_writing with Max. What do I do? Answer: forgive him and move on.
I never said I was discontiuing it with you...well, I did but yup. I don't like the story we made, exactly (no offense) but I think we could have made it better. I need to foucs on FW and I haven't for ages. I can't discontinue my favourite story, Kendra. I just can't.

bookworm1999 11-09-2012 03:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361214)
I never said I was discontiuing it with you...well, I did but yup. I don't like the story we made, exactly (no offense) but I think we could have made it better. I need to foucs on FW and I haven't for ages. I can't discontinue my favourite story, Kendra. I just can't.
I understand. I am just sad that we can't continue it. And it is fine. Just next time make sure that you know you will be able to co-write when you sign up for it :D. You're forgiven :)

otaku 11-09-2012 10:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361181)
Look, everyone who said I was going to write a book with them, you are stressing me in every way possible. I know I say "I will try to get the chapter out by ___" but I never do. Do you know why that is? It is because you are telling me a deadline for doing it and you make me feel agitated about Future Wars. I feel like I will never be able to write it again. Ever. I know, I said to Sandy I would write a book with her but we suggested next year in June. <:^J Okay? I am already co-writing with two people AND writing FW AND thinking about more story ideas and STOP it--I can't, I just can't. Don't stress me. It isn't damn right. I am turning 12 tomorrow and this is how you make me feel the day before it so STOP. Freaking STOP.

I will fight it off but you need to promise me, guys, that you won't stress me anymore with co-writing until I ATLEAST finish editing, okay? So, leave me until that happens or... I just will feel like quitting FW. x_x Don't make me feel that way. It makes my stomach go in my throat.
... Am I one of those people? I hope not... >____________>

HeatherB 11-09-2012 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 361013)
Heather, since you said you don't want to hear any compliments, or you want to hear others pain, look. Ha. I sound pathetic, like a ghost of christmas pasts or something. I don't know. Fine. I need to spew. My pain is overwhelming. I see NOTHING anymore. Nothing matters anymore, and my parents lie so much that I can't even distinguish if they EVER tell the truth anymore. Like, for instance, today, and my mom kept saying don't say you didn't do anything, because you did, i saw you. And I'm like, no I fucking didn't you have no right to fucking ground me, and so of course I get fucking grounded for a week or so. So WHAT. I don't care anymore, I can't do ANYTHING anymore, I'm dead to myself, there is no Sophie, Sophia, or anyone else anymore, there isn't me, there's just this girl who seems to be having a helluva lotta conflicted feeling and no, I don't think she knows how to solve any of the damn problems. So when I pour myself out, I hear this empty, hollow noise and so I laugh, because so many of the smiles are false, so much is made up, who's to say that the science and math is wrong, and we're all just stupid paws on a chessboard, waiting to taken? Oh and is life so precious? Is it? I wait, and I sit, and I just don't understand, how life can be so precious, when depression exists, and why is there depression in the first damn place? I'm not recognizing anyone, anything, anything that happens anymore, so I'm an empty bag and I'm just not here anymore, and I don't recognize myself, which is terrifying, if for some obscenely strange reason you were wondering why the fuck I'm even posting that comment. So I don't feel anything,s o what, everything is crushing down on, heavier than that goddamn twenty-pound backpack that I carry around with myself when I'm at school, pretending.

I can't cry.
Godfuckingdammit.
I'm sorry, Sophie, I completely missed this yesterday. /headdesk
BUT FEAR NOT. I'm here now... /handsSnickers
First things first: it gets better. We're in a really tough spot right now, Soph, all of us 8th graders, applying and stressing and worrying the freak out about test scores and being perfect role models and shit. It's horrid to go through depression on top of this, but you know how life goes: it doesn't give a fuck. It hands us stuff on a silver platter but we don't know whether it's poisoned or not, and when we refuse to try it, we get no other food, no nourishment to keep us going. I was like that too, remember? I didn't recognize myself or anyone, I was just an emotionless drifting organism and I didn't feel at all, it was horrible, it was terrifying, and ultimately, it was RIDICULOUS. Because Sophie, let me ask you this: what is the point of life if not to live? Indeed, we MUST live, because it's our duty to the world. We intruded upon it and made it bad, we live to fix it and fix ourselves in the process--at least, this is what I believe. Okay? Do you see what I'm saying? This is why I've been so frustrated lately: I want to get out and DO something, I don't feel like living MY life anymore--I want to go on an adventure and I want to be passionate and brave instead of sniveling and feeling nothing, and I think you'd rather that to the alternative as well. Unfortunately, since we can't just get the fuck away because of reasons I articulated in my rant (see: when I'm saying why I can't kill myself, it's basically the same reasons), we must deal with life as it comes to us. And within our boring monotony, we must find ways to LIVE within our life. We mustn't shake our heads and sigh at every little thing. Fill yourself up while you can, Sophie, life is short and never forget it. Live each and every day with no roleplaying but yourself: become yourself, FIND yourself. I know it's not such an easy thing to do. I know it gets so goddamn hard and you want to cry. But you can't cry--you know that. You'll do no such thing as pathetic and weak as cry. (Even if some tears do not fit the qualification, it makes you feel burning up from within and saddens you more. I advise against crying for the time being. Screaming into pillows, on the other hand...) Conjure up emotion and really FEEL it. Read poetry, lots and lots of poetry--poetry is good for getting the emotional juices flowing. And write poetry, too--you're excellent at that, it shouldn't be a problem. Live your normal, common, exhausting, everyday life, and live it WELL. Enjoy your time because believe it or not, you don't have much left. That's my advice to you.

MaryElizabeth 11-09-2012 08:12 PM
Mother of God, why did I have to make all these friends in the past few months when I'm never going to see most of them again? Some of the kids from my old school are going to the same one as mine, but not the majority of them, and what about these kids? Am I just going to forget about them? And when I see my old friends of nine years again? Sure, we're close, but will there be new things that I won't understand because I wasn't there for them? What about me? I've changed a lot since I last saw them, and will they still be care about me? When I saw them last month, I was surprised to see that they were actually glad to see me, ha. I'm going to sign up for one of the clubs at my old school, and I hope I can just see them all together one last time. I wish I could've known how lucky I was a couple years ago.

LaurenM 11-09-2012 08:57 PM
Don't think like that. You shouldn't refrain from making friends just because you're not going to see them again. Make the most of it and let it go when you have to.

Confuzzled 11-10-2012 08:20 AM
I am feeling so depressed about how many vents there are about here... about bad things. (you know what I mean... like feeling bad.)

So here is a happy thing!
I have auditions for Beauty and the Beast, a musical I have been waiting for forever. I am so excited!

Sorry 'bout that. Needed to get some happiness in here! :)

Confuzzled 11-10-2012 08:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by maxi (Post 361181)
Look, everyone who said I was going to write a book with them, you are stressing me in every way possible. I know I say "I will try to get the chapter out by ___" but I never do. Do you know why that is? It is because you are telling me a deadline for doing it and you make me feel agitated about Future Wars. I feel like I will never be able to write it again. Ever. I know, I said to Sandy I would write a book with her but we suggested next year in June. <:^J Okay? I am already co-writing with two people AND writing FW AND thinking about more story ideas and STOP it--I can't, I just can't. Don't stress me. It isn't damn right. I am turning 12 tomorrow and this is how you make me feel the day before it so STOP. Freaking STOP.

I will fight it off but you need to promise me, guys, that you won't stress me anymore with co-writing until I ATLEAST finish editing, okay? So, leave me until that happens or... I just will feel like quitting FW. x_x Don't make me feel that way. It makes my stomach go in my throat.


Umm.. *asking this in the nicest way possible* why did you say you would co-write with them?


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