The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)

- Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)

- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 476908)

i don't even exist for myself i'm literally a prop that people drag around and i only exist to annoy/irritate people or help people and it's so fucking selfish of me but i mean i want to live for //me and i don't even know if i ever did that but i'm so damn sick of living for other people it's gonna kill me ok i can only take so much interaction with other beings before i have to sleep for five days and i take offense so easily but i have to not show it and then even if i do like i was actually crying into a mat at circus camp at one point and no one really noticed and it was brushed off because, you know, i'm ///happy as far as they know. and that's good that they think i'm happy, i guess, but i feel like i'm going to go INSANE and the worst part is my therapist sTILL DOESN'T FUCKING GET IT she doesn't get that i can't actually TALK about things she asks me to 'just talk' like it's the easiest fucking thing in the world and she doesn't get that i'm a WRITER and if she'd just let me WRITE about stuff i mean as;ghsdlghsdg i can't even do therapy right ok i can't do anything right and i get these achings behind my eyes daily now like i'm gonna cry bUT I CAN'T CRY because no one actually wants that, yanno? i don't want to ruin people's lives just because my life is shit. also i had too much candy today and now my stomach hurts like a bitch. also i'm really pathetic and should stop ranting and if i remember i'll delete this later but i won't delete it because, i mean, it doesn't matter, i don't matter, why do people care about me and my problems? i'm so exceedingly pathetic and does it matter that i can do circus shit and write okayishly and get good grades without seeming to try when all i really want to do is go home and go to sleep and never wake up? and it's just getting worse and worse and i want to run away and remake myself and remake my life because even though i don't deserve it, at least i would know how to remake myself. i would underachieve instead of overachieve so people wouldn't expect great things from me and be disappointed with mediocre results. i would make no friends so that people wouldn't be burdened by me and wouldn't care about me. i would eat no food so i could die a slow and painful death. i wouldn't write so well so that people wouldn't assume that just because i have a gift i'm totally going to follow it and nurture it and make money off of it. i wouldn't go into the circus so i could be lazy and get away with it. i would wear cheaper clothes so people wouldn't think i was rich. i would establish a distant relationship with my parents so they couldn't taint me and i couldn't taint them, and i'd do even more. and maybe then i could die sad and naturally instead of angry, confused, and by my own hand.

You don't deserve a 'safe medium' life (does that term actually exist?) with no extremely happy or extremely sad/confused/angry experiences just because you don't want the latter. /huggles.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 476908)

*hugs* no you aren't a prop, you're an amazing, unique, fab person. we won't drag you around… you have never ever irritated or annoyed me. that'S NOT AT ALL SELFISH OF YOU, it's perfectly okay to want to live for yourself.
would she listen if you told her you're more comfortable writing? maybe you could get your parents to tell her?
you can do a hell of a lot of things right. i don't want you to feel like crying, but it's okay if you do cry. *hugs* you don't at all ruin my life, you make it better, seriously. you are NOT PATHETIC, you are fab and amazing and great.
ilysm. *glomps* please… don't ever kill yourself

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 476913)

You don't deserve a 'safe medium' life (does that term actually exist?) with no extremely happy or extremely sad/confused/angry experiences just because you don't want the latter. /huggles.

thank you *huggles you back*

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 476908)

Dear Life,
Thanks. I mean, I really appreciate it. Thanks so freaking much for sending Depression to my best friend. Depression is irritating, and a draining, needy bitch. If the term unwanted houseguest, or really, mindguest, cam from somewhere, that would be it, from Depression. She doesn't fucking need this, don't you get it? Why, out of all the goddamn people, why her? I don't care what she says, she'll deny and counter anything I ever say. And that's just one reason I love her. She's flawless to me. She can do anything. And you will not change that, you will not tear down this representation of hope, and beauty, and everything I've wanted to be, everything she taught me to be. She doesn't need you, Life, just as much as she doesn't need Depression. She doesn't need to get a life, she had her own, and you're being so damn pushy that she had to let you in. I love my friends, and I will tear you to pieces if you keep screwing with her.

Fuck off,
Sophia.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 476924)

Fuck off,
Sophia.

if you could see my face right now
i look like kermit the frog
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__...rmit-frown.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 476926)

if you could see my face right now
i look like kermit the frog
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__...rmit-frown.jpg

A frown, huh? Why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 477033)

A frown, huh? Why?

because even without depression, it wouldn't change much. my parents would still be assholes. i would still have inherited anxieties. i would still stress out and stress cut and stress eat and stress starve. please don't blame it all on the depression. things would not look up even if it was gone, okay?
also, on a side note: venting is, for me, a selfish personal thing. no offense to you guys, but i don't really give a shit whether you respond or not. i'll read them, sure, but i don't really know how to respond other than to say 'thanks,' and even then i don't know what i'm thanking you guys for other than that you care, but you shouldn't care. venting is something i do so that I can feel better, and you don't have to read them or respond to them or whatever. it just makes me feel worse, like i'm burdening you guys again, and lord knows i don't need that. so then i go into the periods where i don't vent for a while, but then it gets too much. actually, i've been thinking for a long time that i'll just severe myself from the evt completely and go to the quiet/thoughts room or whatever it was called. it's a more effective vent for me anyways. and i really don't mean to offend people with this, so sorry if i do. it's a personal thing for me. yeah.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 477056)

But see, I know you don't care if we respond or not. That's, at least to me, why I respond. I just want to know that you'll live your life the way it should be, without these broken bits of glass making you bleed every time you step onto the floor.

To quote my current attempt at a novel:

These are the times I wish you had wings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 477075)

oooohhhkaaaaaay, but why respond if you know it's virtually meaningless to me?
to quote myself: wat