i went to the therapist two days ago and i almost got hospitalized. my dad keeps saying "its not that serious!! why would they think to hospitalize you!!" but i dont think he or the therapist knows that if my family wasnt home on sunday i probably would have attempted. i want to be dead so bad i want out i hate being alive. i never signed up for this.

so done.
so so done with this all.

my best friend is being an absolute dickhead about everything and insulting everything I do so there goes the majority of my social life at school (he's not actually a douche he can just be really really mean when he wants to).
and yesterday I was talking to my older sister (she's 22) and my dad and I was trying to congratulate her and support her bc she's doing this epic sport thing (too long to elaborate but she's hella) but my dad started contradicting everything I said and I was just like "dude she's your daughter she's my sister let me congratulate her she's amazing" but he was arguing with everything I said.
and now my mom's pissed at me and idek why and I tried to apologize and she just said "mm" and then was like "you're awful" and so I told her I was sorry and didn't mean to be and I'd try to be better and she just said "you were much nicer before christmas" and wouldn't talk to me again.
and exams are coming up and i'm just so fucking done with this all right now

Wishing you the best! I'm sorry everything sucks, just remember that you don't need other people to be happy. :)

Just putting this out there:
what really f's me up the most is that all the horrible people don't seem to have any karma. like what

(*hugs*) everything will work out okay? sometimes parents don't get it, but you don't always need them to get better.
(*hugs and pets head*) i dunno man sometimes people just don't make sense
they can be really shitty and it sucks but hey you have me and us and you'll make other friends if that one is truly an asshole bc you're great and people are bound to notice it.

Thank you! She's doing better today, and should be discharged tomorrow. :)
Hope your grandfather stays well too. <3

ughugh long rant lmao
 

okay i am literally so pissed off at the education system and society
i mean it's freaking ridiculous, first of all, that in some curricula you literally choose the subjects you take exams for by like freshman year? and that you need to choose subjects in highschool because hell i get that you'd want to quit the subjects you hate asap but when you're in high school there are so many things that can influence your decision and why are we making life choices at fourteen or fifteen anyway?

it's so hard watching everyone you know just spend all their time studying for some stupid tests because those tests will literally decide the rest of their future. it's even harder watching friends choose careers ((at fourteen may i add)) because they're 'stable' or 'well-paying'. and the worst bit is when people's parents pressure them into things because it's ridiculous and honestly why are we so dependent on money i mean you don't need to be a millionaire to be happy and i hate that society has told us that money is everything. i hate that society has conditioned me to look down on non-academic jobs i hate that i need to stop and tell myself off because honestly i just hate this horrible education system that eats away at you and pressures you into choosing a career you hate and makes you choose between your social life, your grades, your mental and emotional health, your physical health, your actual hobbies, entertainment and free time, family time and sleep. i hate that the education system is ruining our lives by forcing us to be committed to something we hate.

and yes who wouldn't hate it? there's a difference between hating education and hating learning because the education system's main goal has always been to mould young people into money-making machines. in high school it's like, "okay, do your work so you can get into a good college." in college it's, "do your work so you can get a good job." and so many times these jobs aren't even things you enjoy. and the education system just sucks the beauty out of learning anyway. i mean the whole joy of it is just waking up and wanting to /know/ something and just learning about something in your own time in your own way whether that's by reading or watching movies or experience or art or whatever i mean the education system is killing off everything that's amazing about learning and it freaking sucks.

also don't get me started on the 'academics' of the education system because. when these schools are pressuring kids to do everything they can to be in clubs and committees and join stuff and compete with each other for top grades, they're sucking the life out of them in most cases. here i don't mean joining an activity you like because if your school offers something that caters to your passion then you are freaking lucky. here, i mean the schools singling out the 'smart' kids and turning them on each other, making everyone who gets good grades compete for a freaking number. our school has a really strong 'academic circle' where everyone in it is literally at each other's throats over a few grades. i mean people join clubs and activities just because their competitor is doing it and that's just horrible. i had the misfortune of actually being in that academic circle but i'm trying to get away from it because it literally fucking drains all the passion for learning out of you and it's so draining and makes you feel like shit no matter what grades you get. and of course at the same time it's lowering the self-esteem of everyone else who doesn't test well because "i'll never be as good as them. i'm not smart enough. why can't i be like them?" and for that matter it's not just academics it's the arts and sports and everythign else that school pretty much murders while "training us for the real world. bc the real world isn't FAIR." haha thanks so much for ruining all these kids' childhoods now you wonder why teens rebel lmao

so yeah that is my long rant lol

I just told my homophobic friend that I'm gay.

And he accepts me.

CAN I GET A HELL YEAH.

HELL YEAH
:cool:

whoo! (*high-fives*)

on another note i've had a really shitty week but i'm going to see my favorite musical tonight so.