i'm so unmotivated now it's scary
like i have two b+'s and i would be scared but now i'm just like "whatever just gotta accept i'm bad at school right"
but at the same time i'm internally like "EWAFSDFUASDBUVSKLVAHFAKSJFASKBFJHVASLEFKJHVASDKLF JH" all the time bc anxietyness and pushing it away and i can't live like this anymore

also i hate it when people are like "oh well you don't need to put on a smile you know!!! you probably have some deep dark secret you're hiding!!!! when a girl says she's alright she never means it y'hear!!!!!!!!" when they ask me how i am and i say i'm alright.

like, i literally am alright. stress and stuff is normal to me. i live in competitive-land, basically, and i've been here for ten years or so and i'm used to it. sure i get panic attacks over everything, and i fail at academics and stuff, and i have almost no self control anymore, but i'm literally 110% alright so stop asking or else i'll have to invent a tragic backstory to shut your ass up for awhile or just say "actually no, i'm not okay, and i'm just saying this because you overcomplicate things and assume the opposite of what i tell you word for word and i don't see why you would do that because that makes your reasoning basically fallacious so go take your attitude and let it die in a hole with trombone spit valves kthxbi"

Meera I just want to insert some piece of advise that will help you. But I can't because I'm crying because of stupid girl/boy problems.

If you care to listen...

Ok, so we're in 6th grade, and this guy came up with the *great* idea to make a 6th grade chat. Harmless, right? Well he made it, and then like half an hour ago my friend, lets call her M, she texted me telling me not to add my other friend (Let's call her S) to the chat. I asked her why, naturally, and this is a bit how the convo went:

M: Plz don't add S to the chat. Thx!
Me: Why not? I'm gonna do it. *Insert devil face*
M: No seriously don't. I have reasons. I don't want her to know C's (He's a guy, FYI) #.
Me: Jealous? JK. (Also, M has a history of liking C. I also have a history of liking him.) Y not?
M: No, I don't like him. I'm trying to protect him. Shes bad. Like if her like (My other friend) or U I would be fine but not her. C already knows I don't want him with her and he agrees.
Me: (Taken aback.) M, thats mean. She's your friend. It's not up to you.
M: I know. But please don't.
Me: You have to both deal with this like adults instead of 1st graders. Seriously.
M:
Me: Oh, god I don't know how to deal with this. It's wrong that you two conspired about this and are intentionally leaving someone out because you don't want two people to talk.
M: She's a bad friend to me. Only (Insert other other friend's name) sees it. Sry, i'm in a bad mood.
Me: (Blahs about how S isn't always the nicest friend.)
M: She's just bad for him. If I was jealous I wouldn't let u 2 (meaning 1st other friend and me.) around him.
Me: M this is insane. U can't keep two friends separated because you think they're bad together.
M: I'm protecting him. If someone said someone else was bad for me I would listen.
Me: Why do you think she'll tell him she likes him? Why can't it all just be friendly?!
M: Because thats what I did. (last year.)
Me: (I said some other stuff along the lines that she hasn't replied to.)

M is usually really, really nice and this is really not like her. I don't know what to do because she has placed me in an impossible situation. If I add S to the chat M will get ticked off, and if I don't I'll hate myself because I KNOW thats not the right thing.

Anyone care to solve 6th grade girl politics?

the truth of the matter is that my life is not my own and it's better that way and i don't need real people or anything :)

hmm well sixth grade is a bit too early to be worrying about boy problems isn't it? like, my sister is in seventh grade and no one talks about relationships and stuff. literally, no one. sure, they did in sixth grade, but now they've matured and realized that middle school is a bit too early to act on your feelings for your crushes and stuff like that, and these things should wait until eighth grade or high school when your brains have developed more and you can handle these things better. a year makes a lot of difference, trust me on that. but maybe that's just how it is here in the middle of nowhere... so, if i were you i would simply log off the chat because it doesn't seem like much is getting done there. it's best to stay out of situations like these, because although it might not seem like that now, avoiding these little conflicts and focusing on something you love and distracting yourself will help in the long run.

also i'm more or less okay c: a friend gave me this book i've been meaning to read and that's really nice, and plus i have so many awesome piano pieces to learn for exams and i'm super excited to start sightreading all of them! yeah it might be easier to work if i'm in a library or somewhere instead of in my house where everything is drama-land and it's so freaking pointless. LIKE PLEASE, DO NOT FIGHT, JUST GO PET A CAT OR LISTEN TO SOME STRAVINSKY OR SOMETHING. like today, i had a hole in my class schedule bc something before first period, so i just went in the library with a few acquaintances and friends who also don't have a first period class and we got so much work done together and it was really fun and i just want that more often, y'hear? but i'm alright. i really am. c:

what's the context omg i'm scared now just tell me you're ok

I would talk to her about it in person, and remind her that life will take its own course. She can't protect him forever, and if anything else, it'll be a valuable lesson for him. Talk to her about it, and add S to the chat. What happens then is between those three.

i had a sort of crazy breakdown last night and really scared myself and today was kind of awful and draining and i've been constantly on the edge of tears all week tbh and i just want to go home and sleep but i can't

hey im so so sorry ur feeling down. this week is almost over, and i promise u things will get better really really soon. u can do this!!!! :~)

Hey, try not to worry or hurt yourself too much! the weekend is almost here and honestly, if you need to take care of yourself, you shouldn't need an excuse. people should recognize that you want to relax and sleep and just let you do that. Hopefully the rest of the week goes better for you! Hugs and kisses, sweetheart! Hang in there!

WHAT WHAT MANIC GIRL HERE LiKE WTF WORLD