I am such a terrible person.
Today, Saturday, the one day of the entire week where I have TIME to work on productive things I should be working on, like my long-term school projects, piano, building my vocabulary for the SAT, etc. etc....And I spend the entire fucking day trying to get better at yoyo-ing. Is yoyo-ing going to make an overall impact on my life? No! But here I am, after being lectured for an hour by my mom on how I should be productive. And after the lecture, I am thinking, and I am realizing just how fucking bad I am with time management. My dad says that I don't work hard enough academically and that I barely get through just because I'm "smart enough," and that I always expect good results without putting effort into things. My parents are right, I am wrong, I want to inflict major self pain, and I am bottling up anger that I have been bottling up for over a month...well, no. More like since the school year started, so like six months.
And tomorrow, I go to church, which takes up six hours of the day, and though I love God and I love going to church, it's such a fucking pain to be there for six entire hours. It is physically draining, and afterwards it leaves me thinking about how much schoolwork I could've been finishing instead, and then thinking about that makes me feel guilty because I shouldn't be thinking those thoughts and that I shouldn't think about it in the first place and have no right to because I procrastinate. Life for me is so fucked up right now.
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