The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

they're coming in ten minutes jfc send help

ugh I feel so fucking trapped
oh honey eat whatever you want, you're working out you deserve it. oh but not THAT, that has too many calories. not that, either. or that. drink this, it has protein! good for working out! but it will also make you gain weight. you've been eating a lot lately, maybe you should stop. but don't restrict yourself TOO much, otherwise you'll starve yourself and end up gaining more weight back. don't exercise TOO much, you need your rest! but maybe you should exercise more? no, don't rest when YOU want to rest. you need to rest HERE, on THESE days. what, you're feeling overwhelmed? well, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to help! stop crying! no apologies! WHAT? no CUTTING either! otherwise we'll make sure you never get the one thing that's pushing you most! come on, why don't you rest on these days you say you NEED to exercise? you don't NEED to exercise! it doesn't matter that it's the one thing that's helped you most through your depression, it's always second priority! why are you so stressed? if you stress, you get fucking diarrhea and don't lose any weight at all!
look how skinny you are! we're so proud of you! well, at least as proud as we CAN be of our little family disappointment.

I wanna fucking cry or cut or skip or not even eat please why can't I get OUT

Ok my parents are letting me go in one period later I can workout this morning thank god I'm ok

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf (Post 562629)

*huggles*

Eat whatever the fuck you want and exercise reasonable amounts and you'll be good. That won't get you fat, it'll get you healthy. Buy into your parents obsession with calories and you'll get an eating disorder and it'll be shit. Trust me, treatment is no fun. No one should be proud of you for looking a certain way they should be proud of you for being fabulous. Okay?

andyesIknowIquitbutIsnuckbackoncuzIwasbored

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 562636)

Hey you probably won't reply or see this but how are you man?? Haven't seen you for ages obviously. Hope you're doing a lot better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 562636)

yea they're not OBSESSED with calories, but my mom just keeps making comments on everything and i'm worrying enough as it is and whhy does she do this
yea i know i can't fall into any of that shit again. and im glad you snuck back man, we missed u c:

i h8 having pics of ppl i used 2 be close with

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 562657)

i h8 having pics of ppl i used 2 be close with

replace them with pics of birds and dinosaurs not even trying to be funny thatd be rly cool

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 562661)

replace them with pics of birds and dinosaurs not even trying to be funny thatd be rly cool

this is true
also try puppies and kitties and different animals on skateboards or with sunglasses

i guess i should have expected it?? i mean, i did, but i mean i should have prepared myself better.

after that one marathon event when she left me during a panic attack for her new friends, i probably shouldve just ended it there. i don't know why i kept holding on for so long. i shouldn't have believed her when she said she was sorry or that she would try harder to be a better best friend. i'm somewhat upset that she only tolerated me and never bothered to tell me that.

however i'm more upset with myself? it's no wonder she left, being around me is fucking exhausting. and i know it's exhausting because i'm completely exhausted by myself. i hate how my mental health is ruining all of my friendships. i don't mean to be annoying and anxious and paranoid and in constant need of validation that i am real and worthy. it just sort of happens. i'm so upset with myself for letting my mental health get in the way of things. maybe if i had just been a little more quiet, a little less outwardly anxious, a little less trusting, a little more conforming to her expectations, we would still be friends. i hate myself so so so much for allowing my mental health to get in the way of everything.

honestly, it is easier to kill myself now since she doesn't have to worry about me anymore and i would be doing everyone a huge favor. it's really really tempting. now when i say that i don't mean anything, i really don't mean anything. i dont have to think "except for her. i mean something to her." because now i don't mean anything to her. and that just makes everything a little less complicated, knowing that i am not of significance to anyone.

i want to talk to an adult really badly because i do feel like a genuine danger to myself, but honestly, would it even be helpful or beneficial to anyone else if i stayed alive? probably not and it'd just be selfish of me to want to continue being here when all i do is fuck up.