just remember it won't always be like this. there will be good nights just for you. you are alive because the world still needs you. that's why. never forget that.

I hope so, but it's hard to tell anymore

i wish i was better at socialising!!
problem is that i suck at striking up new conversations, and when people try talking to me i suck at warming up to new people, and when i actually get close to someone i'm either too shit at expressing affection for them or i cling them way too much and they get sick of me ahahahahahaha

honestly, same. I think it gets better with age, you know, we're all unstable and hormonal and if you go to public school then you're being forced into a building full of other people who are unstable and hormonal too, and no one has really developed their identity fully or truly knows how to communicate with other people.
We just have to try to grow into our own skin a bit better and hope it improves our sociality. :)

You doing ok, Meera?
We're almost exactly the same age. You're 2 months and 1 week older. Less than 100 days.
Sorry, that was arbitrary.
I'm really worried about you.

same the amount of friends ive lost because i was too clingy..... like i knew that i was being annoying but i couldnt stop myself yanno

Feeling like alienating myself from everyone bc yeah I'm kind of a burden anyways. I mean I'm probably too selfish to actually do it but I think I just need to stop like. Being a person. I'm not even really a person just kind of a problematic blob but you know. Hopefully my parents don't see this lmao. They'd try to make me feel better but it's all kind of superficial anyways bc they don't actually know anything about me and don't actually want to hear my problems bc that would humanize me and make me into something besides their blob daughter who seems mildly content all the time. They freak out when I cry I know it makes them uncomfortable.
Even when I do service I'm not a good person and my personality is it just kind of . There and square like no one actually wants to talk to the girl who constantly looks like a pale of dishwater and makes everyone else uncomfortable. Not even a nice person I try to be but I'm too self-absorbed and aloof to do anything really good.
Sorry lmao don't respond sorry Im spreading negativity but again too self absorbed to not post this. Pls just like ignore me though I just needed somewhere to vent because I don't want to burden my friends anymore. So naturally I burden you guys ugh sorry no. Sorry.
Can't even cry rn bc I'm traveling with my parents and we're in the same room and I could never explain to them why I'm crying.
Yeah no gotta blast sorry.
kind of at the point where like I wouldn't kill myself but if I died that would be chill. Like yeah I'm into that. Sounds good. Just like fade away.

I need emotional support. I just read the hat fic. Any scrap of innocence I had has now vanished. I'm scared for my life. I don't know if I can watch another one of Dan and/or Phil's videos again. Pray for me.

Lol jk, I'll get over it someday.

But it's literally traumatizing

this seems stupid but it's not
 

me: has all A's, taking an AP class and self-studying for another, taking classes at community college next year, art classes at the Museum of Fine Arts and attending writing seminars
my parents: *never wanted me to be do online school anyways* you aren't working hard enough, you're probably going back to public school next year!! :---))))
me: *flashbacks to public school when I had migraines every day and was shaking before gym glass and everyone around me was a piece of shit and now this is the first time I've actually enjoyed school and I'm invested in stuff* are you serious rn

fml :^>

fuck man, that's shitty as hell. is there any way you can convince them otherwise? The migraines themselves seem a valid enough excuse to not go back to that. and public school is Not for everyone, I know a lot of people with anxiety and depression and/or insomnia, and being in something other than public would help a whole damn lot.
also if ypu're getting straight a's I see no valid reason to put you back in public school
anything I can do, though I doubt there is because it's pretty fuckin hard decision/situation