Werty |
12-24-2018 09:09 AM |
Do you ever get the feeling your friends don't actually like you? Like, they think you're immature, and in my case, pushy and bossy, and only hang out with you to keep you happy? Like, this has actually come out and happened before with my three year long best friend. She completed me. But I guess I pulled her too hard with my demanding chains of trust, and they snapped. I shouldn't, but sometimes I miss her. I'm about to start a new year without her. Last year(going into this one), we had a sleepover on New Years. This year, I'm doing it with another friend, but... I don't know. What if no one likes me? Do my chains of trust pull everyone? Am I just a chained weight to be pulled around? Do you guys think I'm (still) immature? What is wrong with me?
I feel used, by her. She used me to make me happy, so why do I feel used? I don't know! She held me up and let me down in the sheer weight of responsibility. I don't know. I know it is partially my fault, when I was younger I had a really bad "bossy" problem. But I'm really trying to fix that. I haven't talked much about this issue here because when it started, I talked a lot about it. Then she "came back". I believed her, but she just felt bad for me. Now she's left me broken in pieces again, shattered, this time without any form of contact (besides me contacting her once via my friend setting something up.)
Without her, I don't know what I am. Sometimes I feel like a shell. Sometimes I feel my friends are in the same boat as her, trying so hard to hold me up while trying not to get crushed. Is that it? Is that what I do to everyone? How do I stop? It's not my fault. I know it isn't. But... how on Earth will I survive broken like I am?
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