Quote:
Originally Posted by chelseki3
(Post 291031)
As I thought of this, I started crying.
Don't blame me--blame it on puberty. e_e
For some reason I kept on thinking that you guys hated me, and I thought that you guys thought that I was extermely annoying.
I have no idea why I'm crying over this stupid thought, but it seems so real...
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Sometimes I get really upset over how if I suddenly disappeared no one would even care, no one would even notice, EXACTLY like in the song "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park... it's so familiar, I think I teared up when I listened to it for the first time... as soon as I heard the first words, it hit me, but I'm pretty sure everyone feels like this. :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMoonWakedWolf
(Post 291154)
*eyes suspiciously* *puffs cigar*
How good of a watch we talkin'?
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(*turns towards you, anticipating a business deal*)
Hohoho, my friend, it be a mighty fine watch. You want to be in on this deal, brutha. Trust me, I'm kind of this hood. I know me some good watches.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAshWolf
(Post 291543)
This whole numbness thing has been hanging over my head for months, but it suddenly got worse about a month ago, right when all this stress piled up on me. I think that's it...this whole huge family issue has made doing anything feel like it's totally useless. I can't seem to cook food right anymore. I don't clean as much as I used to. I can't seem to enjoy my favorite songs. Nothing tastes good. Nothing sounds fun. All I want to do is curl up on the couch with someone I care about (though I don't know exactly who that person would be) and cry for a little bit, then go to sleep for a year. I KNOW if I can just cry it out, I'll feel better, but...I just...can't. I'm too steeled over. Too numb. Too apathetic of everything. And yet, I want it to stop. I've tried everything I can think of, but nothing works. I can't bring myself to be anything but numb or outraged or horribly lonely. And that means I can't write, because I can't describe the emotions my characters are feeling if I don't feel them myself.
...And you know what? Through it all, every time I feel lonely, there's only one person I seem to want to be with. And...it makes no sense to me at all. I want to be with my character Charlie when I'm feeling lonesome. Not my friends, not my family. They really haven't been able to help me. A lot of them just made it worse. All I want is to hang out with Char for a while...vent a little bit, then watch some movies together, maybe go on a bike ride or a walk, then curl up on the couch together and go on a YouTube music spree. I don't know why that's the first thing my brain comes up with when I'm feeling lonely, because I know all of that is totally impossible...but.....I don't know. I just don't know anything anymore...
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About the numbness... you should be careful. Don't think about doing anything ridonkeylous like I did as a desperate way out of your numbness. What you described up there sounds unsettlingly familiar of what was going through my mind before the sirens and alarms started going off... be careful, Ash. Don't make me worry about you! >_< D:
I used to get lonesome all the time until I actually went out into the world and realized that no one could amuse me as much as I amused myself ohgodthatsoundsweird, but it's true.
Your mental relationship with Char is completely normal, and pretty cute actually (I'm smiling right now... Aww, Char, always there for everyone >w<). To be completely honest with you, I noticed something very peculiar when I first started to read WOT... Amber sounded a lot like you, not only similar in circumstance (what happened to her parents) but in personality... I could imagine that Amber's occasional bitter moments would very much resemble yours, along with her sense of humour, and of course, there are the physical resemblances as well. I think this is the first time I ever told you this but from the very beginning of the prologue, I couldn't help but wonder if this was a manifestation of you and your conscience. If so, then that would give us a little bit of a lead as to why you find comfort in Charlie.
Now, I'm not pairing you guys, as that would be ridiculous, nor am I saying anything about boyfriends, so don't get me wrong, okay? <:^J I did this exact same thing with my very first big book... I was new to writing and I needed to find a way into my story to be able to truly write about it... so I became Chelsie Davidson, a blond-haired, green-eyed spunky girl in grade six who was being fancied by a handsome Sam McGuin, who not only had great hair but wings just like in Maximum Ride. This was the manifestation of the peer pressure for "boyfriends" that I was experiencing, and the adventures Chelsie experienced were reflections of how utterly bored I was with my life.
I would always imagine Sam with me, and I remember I had one dream where we flew together. Even for Vladimir's Mansion, the main character and I had to share SOMETHING, thus, Sarah's green eyes; the only thing that sealed the rift between Centrumarida and I.
If this is what's confusing you, don't worry about it... it'll eventually fade and pass as you become more comfortable with yourself. Mine started to go away a good two years ago when I stopped taking a daydreamy and childish approach to writing and drawing and really cracked down on reality... my drawings were not "real," nor will they ever be "real."
:/
Ramble, sorry... I have this weird issue where I need to bounce my thought processes off of something, anything, for them to be cemented and viewed as legitimate in my mind. -_- Sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chelseki3
(Post 291705)
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That... is so true.
