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MaggieMay 02-15-2014 01:11 AM

sooo i think that my friend is asexual (she described all the stuff to me: never having had a crush or been attracted to anyone) but she doesn't think that she is and is all sad she hasn't found anyone yet
and i'm trying to convince her that it's okay not to have a romantic partner in society and she agrees but still i still feel bad for her i doN'T WANT HER TO FEEL MESSED UP HELP

rebecca 02-15-2014 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieMay (Post 519932)
sooo i think that my friend is asexual (she described all the symptoms to me: never having had a crush or been attracted to anyone) but she doesn't think that she is and is all sad she hasn't found anyone yet
and i'm trying to convince her that it's okay not to have a romantic partner in society and she agrees but still i still feel bad for her i doN'T WANT HER TO FEEL MESSED UP HELP

First thing - don't refer to them as symptoms. Just something I noted.

Okay, I'm asexual. I appreciate the aesthetics of a person's face, but it isn't my main priority. When I am drawn to someone, their appearance is rarely a part of it.

It's great. For example, the asexual peoples online are bizarre and ridiculous and enjoy themselves so much. Everyone is unique.

Being asexual is, for me at least, great fun. If she really is asexual, she'll work this out in time. Besides, you're young yet. Sexualities are only just coming to light in your minds. I didn't realise I was asexual until I was thirteen. At first I rebelled against it, presuming myself to be heterosexual because 'I'm not gay, right?'. Then I realised sex is a triviality as are most relationships and I'm better as I am.

MaggieMay 02-15-2014 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebecca (Post 519938)
First thing - don't refer to them as symptoms. Just something I noted.

Okay, I'm asexual. I appreciate the aesthetics of a person's face, but it isn't my main priority. When I am drawn to someone, their appearance is rarely a part of it.

It's great. For example, the asexual peoples online are bizarre and ridiculous and enjoy themselves so much. Everyone is unique.

Being asexual is, for me at least, great fun. If she really is asexual, she'll work this out in time. Besides, you're young yet. Sexualities are only just coming to light in your minds. I didn't realise I was asexual until I was thirteen. At first I rebelled against it, presuming myself to be heterosexual because 'I'm not gay, right?'. Then I realised sex is a triviality as are most relationships and I'm better as I am.

(Yeah sorry I cringed when I reread that I changed it)

I get what you're saying. I think she is kind of scared to admit it to herself (although it's obvious she really doesn't like the thought of romance all too much). But I think she will and everything will be sorted out in all due time

EmmaR 02-15-2014 12:44 PM

(Psst)
(Also)
(Asexual doesn't mean she doesn't feel romantic attraction)
(That's aromantic)
(They're different things)

rebecca 02-15-2014 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmmaR (Post 519948)
(Psst)
(Also)
(Asexual doesn't mean she doesn't feel romantic attraction)
(That's aromantic)
(They're different things)

(I told her that)
(I think)

MaggieMay 02-15-2014 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmmaR (Post 519948)
(Psst)
(Also)
(Asexual doesn't mean she doesn't feel romantic attraction)
(That's aromantic)
(They're different things)

(Yeah I know)
(I just want to get that point across to her)
(But quick question: does being asexual lessen your chances of falling in love? Since you always have to look deeper than sexual attraction?)

blossom 02-15-2014 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieMay (Post 519963)
(Yeah I know)
(I just want to get that point across to her)
(But quick question: does being asexual lessen your chances of falling in love? Since you always have to look deeper than sexual attraction?)

Sorry to but in, but I doubt it would lessen the chances. I'm demisexual and I practically fall in love at the drop of a hat, so. :P.

Most relationships don't start off with sexual attraction, at least in people our age (????? I think we're all around the same age). Usually I'd say sexual attraction is a deciding factor in a relationship at college age, so roughly early twenties, especially because people tend to be promiscuous at that age, except for aces/demis. It all depends on personal views anyway, though. I get crushes rather easily despite being demisexual, and I've also believed in sex after having a partner for a long time my whole life. (That makes it sound really weird omg.).

MaggieMay 02-15-2014 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blossom (Post 519965)
Sorry to but in, but I doubt it would lessen the chances. I'm demisexual and I practically fall in love at the drop of a hat, so. :P.

Most relationships don't start off with sexual attraction, at least in people our age (????? I think we're all around the same age). Usually I'd say sexual attraction is a deciding factor in a relationship at college age, so roughly early twenties, especially because people tend to be promiscuous at that age, except for aces/demis. It all depends on personal views anyway, though. I get crushes rather easily despite being demisexual, and I've also believed in sex after having a partner for a long time my whole life. (That makes it sound really weird omg.).

Haha, I'm almost the opposite; I'm pansexual and it's insanely hard for me to get crushes. And yeah, that does make more sense. Thanks!

HeatherB 02-16-2014 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieMay (Post 519963)
(Yeah I know)
(I just want to get that point across to her)
(But quick question: does being asexual lessen your chances of falling in love? Since you always have to look deeper than sexual attraction?)

not at all take it from an asexual

i used to get crushes really easily but ever since i got a girlfriend theyve lessened considerably
this does not mean however i do not spend most of my day admiring others' physical appearences

rebecca 02-16-2014 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieMay (Post 519963)
(Yeah I know)
(I just want to get that point across to her)
(But quick question: does being asexual lessen your chances of falling in love? Since you always have to look deeper than sexual attraction?)

Nope, it doesn't. I don't have to look deeper than appearances, I already do. It just happens naturally.


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