That's just the problem. I'm unhappy and I don't know why.
I have this amazing life with a family that means the world to me, I have friends, I go to an awesome school district, but yet some how I find a way to turn everything around and make it something that makes me feel sad. It's a vicious cycle. I'm depressed because I'm depressed and I don't know why.

Awww...
That is exactly what I feel, sometimes.
:(

i forgot how much it hurts knowing im going to die alone

You won't die alone. You have sam remember? c: I bet there's lots of people who love you right now and there's just gonna be more and more people stacking up in the future who love you. You may feel lonely now, and I'm sorry if you do, but you will find more people c: stay strong!

a thing about butterflies:
see, though visual representation of the butterfly may help you to not harm yourself, i hope what i'm about to tell you now will help even more. you don't need the butterflies, lena. you are the butterfly. you're beautiful and still growing and learning and changing and evolving like every other creature on this earth, and it's going to hurt. but you need to let yourself feel. you need to let the emotion flood your brain until you feel ready to explode. because if you don't feel, you become void of emotion, and that leads to cutting more easily than anything else. you're the butterfly. you may want to harm yourself but you shouldn't, okay? you're important and you're lovely inside and out. i hope you're doing better today. you deserve it, as all butterflies do *hugs tightly*
you're not.
i'm here.
you have friends.
online and otherwise. it doesn't matter.
you are not alone. *hugs*

Awww Lena!
I moved away, but I still cannot forget the look of disgust my old best friend gave me, and she was emailing me like crazy and stuff.
Forget about the bad things. Do more happy stuff in your life.
Draw more butterflies if you want.
Draw and color things on paper.
I'll always be on your side.
*Huggles*

i know *hugs* but idk who's actually gonna stay with me the entire time?
i know i'm not alone now, i'm getting better at seeing that… but they're all gonna leave and i'm gonna end up alone, not making any more close friends not long after college.

i will. and many, many others, if they have any sense in their brains at all.

you don't know that they're /all/ going to leave you. and how do you know you won't keep in touch with them or have any close friends post college? you'll still have a life. my parents don't have very many friends, and even less close ones, and their besties live way far away from them. but they still fly out and see each other once and awhile, and have long talks via phone, and hey: communication gets faster and faster every day. even if your friends are far away you can still text/email/message/skype/whatever them often enough. and you will have friends, close or far. distance doesn't matter physically. emotionally--well, you already have a bunch of close friends, and if the weak get weeded out along the way, then it just strengthens your bonds with the others. maybe you can't always talk to them about what's going on, but that's okay. you're a good person, isaac, and people should recognize and love that about you. you won't ever be alone. trust me.

Yeah, it seems to me that adults have lots of "really good friends" even though they almost never see each other. Maybe it's just because they all understand what it's like to have a busy schedule, but even some good friends that live right next to you will only see you 2 times a week. So if you feel like you're growing distant from everyone, maybe you're not. I think when you're young, your friends need to be RIGHT THERE WITH YOU ALL THE TIME OR IT DOESN'T MATTER but when you get older, you grow closer to them mentally and farther apart physically. If that makes sense. ^_^' So, I think you will be okay as far as friendships go and it's okay to be lonely, but you're never really alone. (Especially if you think about micro-organisms. They're probably everywhere. *shudders* Don't listen to me; I'm just rambling on about science now.)