YUSS next chapter released

i hate when ppl refuse to talk to u about stuff that u know is bothering them esp when that stuff is stuff that YOU did like i know i did smthn wrong pls just tell me what it is so i can stop doing it and we can be ok again COMMUNICATION IS SO VITAL TO RELATIONSHIPS AND I FEEL LIKE THATS WHY I HAVE NO FRIENDS OK

Ikr .

i have the trevor project page bookmarked in case i need to use trevor chat because my walls are really thin and i don't need my parents hearing me on the lifeline and i dont wan't any texts to be discovered.

i don't know how i got here. literally a week ago i was so happy but now it's like im forgetting everything.

Holy crap I'm SO out of shape oh my gosh I can't even do ONE SINGLE PROPER PUSH UP WHEN DID I BECOME SO WEAK!??!?!?!? (*sobs and laughs at the same time) I'm not overweight or anything; technically I'm almost underweight...hhhhh.....x_x

so yeah I just learned I've been doing pushups wrong this entire time
I can do it the incorrect way (just barely) but I literally can't even lift myself off the ground with just my arms when I try it the right way i'M SO WEAK WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?! I BLAME YOU, INTERNET...I BLAME ALL THE HOURS I'VE MINDLESSLY SCROLLED THROUGH THE INTERNET OH MY WORD!!!!1!! (*collapses in the corner*)

push-ups are hard, man. I'm in the same position as you, at the end of last year I could do 9 but now I can't even do 1 and can hardly do the ones where you use your knees instead of your feet. it sucks but it doesn't necessarily mean you're not strong.

ok i'm fairly certain i have ocd or anxiety or s o m e t h i n g

i'm pretty sure people my age who are virgins and exceedingly awkward around guys don't have to repeat "i am not pregnant" or move in certain ways to reassure themselves there is not a life form growing inside of them

I'm pretty sure most people aren't so terrified about bacteria and disease that they use hand sanitizer directly after washing their hands or decide to wash their hands just because

i'm pretty sure most people can let go of a recurring thought they have that worries them so much it feels like someone is squeezing their brain

i'm pretty sure most people don't hear one small sound or see one freckle or feel some tint itch on themselves and flip out bc they're terrified of parasitic worms

I'm pretty sure most people don't put the laundry away with their feet bc they're scared of contamination

i'm pretty sure most people don't burst into tears when they have to use windex or something because they're so scared of accidentally swallowing chemicals and dying or going blind or getting sick or something

i'!m pretty sure this doesn't come in cycles for people and during that cycle I'm pretty sure they don't worry about it almost all the time or make up phrases like "none of the bad things all of the good things" or go through rituals like tapping their knee or something to prevent this stuff from happening

but you know like the doctor said "we all get anxious sometimes"

yeah ok because this is totally something everyone does ur right its just those darn teenagers

bro. okay. i cannot say "I know how that feels" because while i have undergone some p uncomfortable questioning and putting up with my parents' homo/trans/nb-phobia i've never really experienced severe upset or smth bc of it.

you say you're forgetting everything. u mean like how to be happy or something similar, or legit forgetting things? either way that's scary and i want to help so u just say the word

glad you're using the chat though, keep talking to people who want to help and encourage you!

gg i can relate, although my rituals aren't as intense, but they are super time consuming, repetitive, and compulsive and combined with paranoia, they can take over my daily life. i don't really know how to help man but i hope things get better!!

it isn't just focused on my gender, although it's a part of it.

like how to be happy, and i'm just wondering if i can even be happy for more than a week. is that possible. will i ever be happy for more than a week.

thanks!

tfw you feelin rly shit and u wanna die and u relying on ur friend just to chat to you but then they have to go