I feel like no one understands me. I just wish for another world, where people will love and care for me.

I fucking hate life right now. I told everyone I could handle my anger in school but uggggh I can't fucking calm down for shit and I just...

I just want it to be over. I hate school. I'm just now coming in for eighth grade when this grade has been together since sixth grade and now I'm all alone. Even the other new kids are making friends faster than me! On top of all that, my gender dysphoria has gotten REALLY bad and I just hate myself right now. I would tell my mom about everything but she doesn't get the whole "being trans" thing.

I want to die but I don't want to commit suicide...

my hair looks good, i kicked a sexist frickface's ass in a class debate (people started applauding i think i'm the new class hero), and also writer's club started up.
today has been a good day.

I feel like crap.

That was my one chance. My one shot and now it's gone, and I don't know how I can stand not ever seeing you and just letting you go and oh my God I just can't right now...

what's the strongest word for anger you can think of
okay now think of a stronger one
and that's about 1/10 of how pissed i am right now

i mean it's just not fair. i don't deserve this kind of treatment as a player OR as a human being. look, if i met the challenge and showed you what you wanted to see, which you said i did, then LET ME FUCKING PLAY ON JV. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT "TEAM COHESION" I LITERALLY JUST WANT TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED TO DO

spoilers for a movie + an emotional ramble
 

SO I just watched Saving Mr. Banks. ^_^ (*throws confetti*) I cried. Twice.

Is...is it strange that...that the whole thing reminded me of myself?? I mean, P. L. Travers was just her pen name. And part of that pen name was chosen for sentimental reasons, and came from the memory of one of her parents. That's...that's...exactly how I chose MY pen name. And I'm 110% sure I'd act like her if someone was trying to turn one of my stories into a movie. Nitpicking, protesting, lots of sass and sarcasm. And, naturally, there's her father, who she was super close to but died when she was little. That happened to me, too. SO much of her life reminds me of mine, I could go on for hours. Even down to the intricate little structures she made out of leaves and twigs. I was always the only kid I knew that did that all the time. And how drinking tea from a paper cup is sacrilege. (*just used the SAME EXACT WORD yesterday when my dad suggested I make coffee by heating the water in the microwave*) But the biggest thing is...I've always worked out the problems in my life through my writing, either directly or through metaphors, consciously or unconsciously. And no one who reads my stories knows my background well enough to spot the rather large bits of reality and personal history in all my stories. (Especially WOT.) Same thing for P. L. Travers.

It's just...wow. I did NOT expect to identify with this movie so much. O___O

So today sucked. And it's only going to get worse.

(*hugs*) email if you want to talk dearie i'm so sorry

fuck .