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After trapeze today, I went to this sandwich place for lunch and had a sub, and I was like GAMMIT I JUST LOST ALL THIS WEIGHT ON TRAPEZE AND THEN I ATE TWICE OF WHAT I LOST IN SANDWICH. xD |
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Here are the reasons why I'm fat: 1) I eat when I'm bored 2) I'm bored all the time ^^Story of my life. :'D |
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Geez, Mom, I'm just trying to be honest, and you laugh at me.
how incredibly freaking NICE of you Also I can't WAIT for the day I move out of here, don't you dare chain me to the house. |
Wow okay.
I hate how I'm jealous of my friends for having a good-ish life... like I should be happy for them and I am but I'm also jealous. Take L, she's got a cool dad who's letting her dye her hair and get a nose ring and supports gays and is just cool, despite some of his anger issues. And she's got a sister that she shares everything with. E's family has a bit more money than other families and she has a great life, despite her bad past. And then there's me. I've got a bad childhood and I can't really remember any good times. The most I can recall is my dad hitting me and shoving me around and I guess you could say beating. And I used to have a great relationship with my brother, but now I'm just disconnected from my family. I hate myself every single day. It's 90% my fault when things go wrong. I'm kind of jealous of how nice their lives seem. And not just jealous, but I feel alone. L gets her electronics taken away every day at 6 pm, sometimes a lot earlier. So I don't ever get to tell her how I feel because all of these feelings come after 6. And not just that, she's such a happy person that I don't want to rain on her parade. With E, I don't know... I don't want to remind her of her own bad childhood that she used to have, since she has a good one right now. A few weeks ago, L found one of my posts on here. When she pestered me about it I said, "I can't tell you." and she said, "Oh, so you can't tell me, but you can tell a bunch of people online? You shouldn't tell online people how you feel and your secrets." But then, I'd have no one else to talk to. I don't know. |
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I get jealous of other people sometimes too. You're not alone in that. It's natural. I wish you didn't have to wait so long to get away from your family… I really doubt it's 90% your fault when things go wrong. maybe you could ask her if you could email her, while she's off her electronics, if you need to? That might help with her being pissed about you posting on here… Don't hate yourself. To be completely honest, I don't think it will make anything better, at least not much. I have a lot of experience with self-hate, and, yeah, none of these arguments would help me. But I really think that, though you make mistakes, you're still a good person and you don't deserve to be hated. By you or anyone else. |
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