Originally Posted by TheAshWolf
(Post 412689)
Warning: This is long. Also a bit obvious. Just needed to speak the unspoken, y'know?
Thanks, Tredom. <:^) I know.
It's just....goodness gracious, everyone. x__x (I'm not trying to single out anyone or anything, and I hope what I'm about to say doesn't offend anyone, because that's the absolute LAST thing I'd want to do. O_O)
When exactly did this thread turn into the Let's Cuss About Our Parents and Talk About How Much We Hate Them thread? When did this also turn into the Let's Write in Tiny White Type thread?
I understand why people feel better typing in font that's harder to read, since it's more like talking softly or being discreet. I understand why everyone's so angry--everyone gets mad at their parents from time to time, some more often than others.
But sometimes, you have to stand back and realize what's going on.
Parents are still people. They're imperfect, just like us. As cliche as it sounds, children are not born with manuals. All those How To Raise a Child books are merely opinions written by imperfect people that aren't much different than the parents reading them. Also, parents were kids once. Some have gone through a lot of hardship in their life. That can make people bitter. That can make raising a child differently from how they were raised difficult. And then there are others who haven't gone through many hardships that still get on their children's nerves and make them feel badly. Parents are still people. People are prone to depression, anxiety, anger issues, aggressive tenancies, addictions (including drugs, and yes, alcohol is a drug) and can sometimes just be plain old stubborn. Not to mention life is getting harder with the economies crashing--parents have to work longer and harder to get less money than they did before. Some parents don't have jobs because there simply aren't any available. That puts a lot of stress on people.
And then you have to remember the biggest thing in all this--no matter what, your parents are your parents. You're not going to get another biological mother and father. If you're adopted, or one of your parents aren't biologically related to you, the same still applies. They are your parents. No one can replace them, even if you think someone can. You should love them for just being your parents, regardless of what they do. Everyone on Earth eventually becomes an orphan. Parents grow old. Parents die. Things are left unspoken, grudges are kept until the bitter end. But when the person is dead and gone, you realize how much time you've wasted. You know why?
Deep down, even the most bitter of people with all the problems in the world still love their children. When they pressure you about school and the future, they're not trying to scare you or make things tougher or stress you out. They're concerned about your future. They want you to have a secure life, a good job, and sometimes they get a little irritable when you don't see things their way. Practicality outweighs dreams, sometimes, in their minds. It's not because they see your dreams as stupid, even though they may say that. They had dreams once. They were kids once. More than likely, their dreams might have died the hard way: reality crept on them slowly, or they found themselves in the middle of the cold, harsh real world without a moment to put away their desires safely. They may just be trying to bring you down to earth in the least painless way possible--by telling you it's not practical. (Key word: least. Not totally painless, least.) Or, heck, maybe they just don't know any other way to do it than to be a little blunt about it. I don't know. I'm not them. My point is, parents RARELY actually want to make their child's life a living nightmare. Unless they're psychopaths or sadists or selfish or something, at the end of the day, they just want what's best for their children. Love can seem tough sometimes. But it's still love, even if it's wrong or seems harsh. Truth is, age does tend to bring wisdom. Is it possible for parents to be wrong? Yes. But is it a crazy idea that they might be right? No. Most often, they ARE right. You just need to trust them, sometimes, even if you don't fully understand.
And you know what helps? As corny as it sounds, talking helps. Tell them how you feel. Avoid placing the blame on them, though, like saying, "You always make me feel ___," or "Every time I ____, you ___, which is mean and unfair to me." No one wants to hear that they're hurting someone they love. That makes people feel guilty, and guilt can turn into misguided anger. They can feel like they're being critiqued. That can make the situation worse. You need to tell them how you feel about the situation. You need to ask them to not do certain things. You need to tell them that you don't understand, but you want to understand.
And, you know what? Every now and again, you really just have to put yourself in their shoes. Honestly take a look at things through their eyes. And if you still don't understand...maybe you just don't have all the facts. Parents sometimes keep things from their children because they don't feel the need to worry them. Maybe there's some issue in the family you're not aware of. Maybe the parent is having a hard time at work. (Jerks are everywhere, not just in school. Contrary to what you might think, most of those jerks don't grow up, they just turn into adults. They go on to get jobs and pick on other people just like they did in school.)
And you know what else? Sometimes, you just have to admit to yourself that you don't understand, and you might not ever understand. There are things you just have to learn to live with. <:^/ Life isn't fair, but don't let that get to you. Picture this: You're on a walk. The wind is blowing relentlessly hard, tangling up your hair. Leaves and other junk hit you in the face as you go along. It's freezing; the wind chill factor is up. Do you yell at the wind for blowing so hard, hate the leaves for getting in your face, curse at the air for being so cold? You could either be upset about the whole thing, go on struggling, being angry, and freezing....or, you could do something about it. You go back inside, get a sweater, maybe tie your hair back, go back outside, and try to walk with the wind instead of against it. It's still cold, stuff is still hitting you in the face, but you're a bit warmer with the sweater, and it's much easier to walk with the wind. And, to top it all off, maybe you decide to make the best of it and fly a kite. (So what if the string breaks and the kite flies away? It was only 99 cents...haha.) In reality, accepting the situation you're in, trying to learn to work with it, and preparing yourself for letdowns and fights to come along now and again is so much healthier than always feeling bad for yourself and fighting to change things that just won't.
In conclusion:
"Might as well share, might as well smile; life goes on for a little bitty while." -Alan Jackson
It's okay to feel depressed about things. It's okay to wish it were different. Just don't let all that depression and wishing prevent you from living your life and having a relationship with your parents.
It's one thing if you post about being angry with your parents every now and again. But if that's all you post about...then...you might want to take a step back and think for a little while. <:^/ It's not good to be angry all the time. Stress is physically damaging to your body.
I'm tired of everybody on here wandering around, all angry and depressed about their relationships, and not seeming to have any solutions. Sometimes the best solution is to accept that there is no total solution. Sometimes, there are partial solutions, and what's left over just needs to be lived with. But, see, I know that sounds hard. Maybe even impossible. But...that's not impossible. It's perfectly possible to live with something you don't like. It's possible to be happy even if things aren't perfect.
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