What?????? O_O

so many things.
today, you said that you might be leaving to go to a boarding school and kristen is talking to me about it too and this adds on me being sick and i might not be able to attend to a school fun party day thing and then i will need to wait longer for FW to arrive to my house and now i feel crappy.

*wrinkles nose*

Eh.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned the whole 'boarding school' thing.

sorry kendra

It's okay. I am happy that you would miss me, and sad that your sad XD

XDDDDDDD
True.

Once again, I feel absolutely crazy.
Okay, first of all, are there any KPers who have ever experienced mania or hypomania or ANYTHING like that who might be able to help me out here?
I've been on the manic side for a good couple months now, shifting occasionally to being "normal", but I just went through this really low week or so, and now what I can only assume is mania is hitting me really hard.
I can hear myself talking in my head, amid my thoughts--I hear voices, like they're echoing in my head, whispering words but nothing totally coherent. I've been suspended in this trance of anxiety for about three days now, constantly on the verge of throwing up from being so hyper. I don't actually walk around my house anymore, I SPRINT from room to room for no good reason. The worst part is when I try to talk, I BABBLE--like not the Kidpub definition of "ramble" but legitimate babbling, desperately stringing sentences together at warp speed--and my mom has even told me that I appear to be thinking at the speed of light. I feel like I'm moving on a different frequency or something, I'm terrified yet confident and hyper yet so, so EXHAUSTED at the same time. At first it was kind of funny, but now I'm scared. I feel like I need to get out of my head. I feel like I'm on crack or something, hyper and unable to relax, desperate to be productive yet unable to sort my thoughts enough to get anything done--I'm SHAKING. I have the worst tension headache right now, too...
I'm really nauseous... I just really hope I can make it until the end of June without breaking down. Oh god... Okay, I'm done.
Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I only attended half of a school day today in the hopes that it would help, but it hasn't done anything.

Did you drink coffee or something? Usually, when I'm hyper, it wears off after a few hours. Maybe you can lie down and try to calm down or something. I hope you feel better soon :/


On another note, hope shouldn't exist. Whenever I get hopeful, I get reckless and everything falls apart.


And I'm talking about lying to people O_o

Sorry, I don't have any advice but to rest. :^/ But I have experienced the voices thing before - it was only in one place, just weird whisperings that I couldn't understand. It freaked me out.

Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
I'm so eloquent and articulate in my mind, but outside, I'm so...awkward. Even on the internet, I can't find the right words. And it's even worse IRL - I stutter and mix up my words. It's like verbal dyslexia. And it's only been getting worse. This is probably why I like KP so much - people can't tell that I'm a loner outside of my safe virtual walls.

Ugh.