no 1 rly? cares??? like im not sayin that to get ppl to care im just statin facts. i dont know why im still alive. delete me

Sometimes I really hate KidPub??? I mean, I thought I liked the people here. Then again, I'm very selfish about the people I like. But it doesn't matter. I used to view this place as a family; now it's just another slap in the face about reality and how far from 'socially acceptable' I am. I guess I'm only capable of liking a few people. It's better than real life here, but sometimes not. I liked my summer camp better. Idk. Maybe I should leave.

But I just feel so powerless and why do I need to want to feel better than everyone and why do I need to have the upper hand on people and why do I like fear as a form of power and why do I like being above people like wtf why don't I get any respect and why is my idea of respect so twisted. Why am I a hypocrite and why do I demand respect when I don't respect anyone but I don't want to change it I just want my respect wtf I'm not even a good person anymore

I hate feeling so helpless

and I just hate people okay
I start school tomorrow am I gonna give people a chance? Haha fuck no
Screw it I don't want to associate with anyone new
I don't need to have an open mind sometimes
fuck it all

I get what you're feeling bro
about people and everything, but honestly, if you don't talk to anyone and make new friends school is kinda miserable.
I started Wednesday and I have three classes with absolutely no friends and all of the popular people. So far I've been sitting in these said classes silently, feeling miserable and hating school '
but then I started talking to some people and it's slowly getting better
so give people a chance ^_^

literally how i'm feeling.
if someone smiles at me in the halls, i smile back, but other than that there's not much actual interaction.
i'll try to stay out of everyone's way and see how it goes, i guess.

I kind of hate my friends?

And they did nothing wrong I just... I can't stand them and I just want to be alone and I don't know what I want I just feel so... Empty and I hate it. I hate feeling nothing. And I feel like a terrible person because my friends have done nothing wrong they are just so juvenile and obnoxious and I just get so irritable around them and I don't want to feel this way I don't want to be a stuck up b***** but I can't stand them. I just can't stand them. I feel like I'm not good enough for them and at the same time they aren't good for me. I don't know how I feel and underneath it all there is just this undercurrent of complete, stifling apathy. The apathy is what hurts the most. Because it is just nothingness. I can't breathe and I can't feel and I almost want to put myself in situations that will hurt me so I can feel something. But my life is just boring, it's just nothingness and I have to read this stupid book for English and all I want to do is escape into words of a real book rather than a book on Grammar but I can't until I finish this stupid book and this sounds really petty.
I'm just tired and empty and I feel like things aren't changing fast enough. I'm sick of my house I'm sick of where I live I'm sick of this emptiness. And I'm growing up too fast and I don't know what to do. My problems are really petty and I'm sorry.

My feelings exactly.

Watch me screw this up royally, make it so awkward, or say something accidently offensive
but I'm so fricking happy right now
and I know that's going to all crash down sooner or later and that's scary as heck