| soph-soph27 |
09-18-2012 07:23 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherB
(Post 341598)
First of all, no. No, it's not back. But something else is. And the thing about it is that I can't tell anyone and I hate keeping secrets like this but I can't, can't, can't say anything or even write anything because there's that chance, and I can't even risk that. And I just can't do this anymore and I don't want this anymore because it's all just one big, effing vicious cycle. So YAY. It's just going to go on and on and on and I know they'll never consent to stopping it, so why bother? And I was thinking about this last night, lying awake in bed because I can never go to sleep like a 'normal person' within a span of seven minutes, and then I thought about how the time it takes for my life to pass doesn't even amount to the blink of an eye in the universe's perspective, and how my problems are petty and stupid compared to the rest of the world who has poverty and unemployment and starvation and slavery and kidnapping and awful awful things like that. But in the end, even that doesn't matter, the world's biggest issues and your most trivial problems don't matter, because humanity is finally going to be wiped out one day, and the whole universe is going to breathe a sigh of relief like that one bug bite it was being annoyed by just stopped itching and nothing matters, nothing matters, nothing matters at all, and who cares if you're famous or notable because only humans will remember, and then they're all going to die anyway, you're going to die anyway, it doesn't even matter and all your writing won't matter because it'll all go up in flames, it's not worth trying to be remembered when no one's going to be left to remember you. And that's what's keeping me going, going through life, because even though it seems like horrible things after horrible things, nothing will matter and none of science or technology will matter, none of it none of it none of it, and that's what makes it all okay, that's what makes our mistakes all right, because it's all going to end anyways, just some days I wish it would end sooner than later.
|
I know how you feel and I know that sounds stupid and impossible but hold on and listen to my shpeel. Everything will disappear one day, but don't think for one minute that you didn't matter, what you accomplished didn't matter, because every step of the way shifts the earth a tiny bit, every story brings a little more knowledge to the world, and every time you feel happy, the happiness spreads. And I'm not giving you and of that overly happy crap, and I won't pretend that I haven't thought of this before, how we'll all die out eventually, and it won't matter anymore because we were just people, just people who happened to exist back then- but see what I mean is that each time I think of that I remind myself, I DO matter, everybody matters, love matters, knowledge matters, everything matters, and you just can't give up on what matters, because ignorance isn't the right path to take. I'm not asking you to put a spring in your step, I'm not asking you to feel happy again, but think about what matters, think about what it means to love, think about what it means when you give a thought to someone and it spreads think about writing, and how much it matters now, think about today. Live for TODAY Heather. Reminiscing is all fine and good, but only THINK of that, LIVE now, experience now, and you'll see that everything matters, even when we are tiny insignificant specks and we'll all die someday in 4.5 billion years, the human kind, will be probably be obliterated in 4.5 billion years, who knows if we'll live that long, but the present is what matters, and the matters matter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherB
(Post 341613)
But lots of people won't. And besides, those who do will just die anyways. Perish. Vanish. Whatever. And I don't think you quite get what I mean, because, rather than depress me, this fact that we're all gonna die eventually and are insignificant and vanish eventually is actually cheering me up. Because when I'm depressed about a certain thing, this knowing that my life won't matter in the end and that nothing matters in the end cheers me up. It really does. Because then I know it doesn't matter how many mistakes I make, it won't matter in the long run. I have come to terms with this fact and fully embrace it. Sometimes, as I noted, it makes my life worth living to know that it'll end.
|
Yes,no, don't think that, because what you do NOW is what counts, not what you did yesterday. Don't think about shriveling in the heat of tomorrow, bathe in the warm glow of today. The sky isn't the limit anymore, life is the limit, life is any limit, except it isn't, because look at everything that happened, and maybe we will be gone but you need to realize that even when we're gone it won't matter because we made our change to the world while we were there. |
