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Of course you can.
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Okay.
I FEEL SO AWESOME RIGHT NOW! Besides the fact that my toe is f-d up, I'm so happy. I was feeling really insecure about my audition, and I didn't get the part that I wanted, so I was a little (I emphasize little, I wasn't nearly as devastated as I thought I'd be) bummed, until the director came up to me and told me how he especially enjoyed my audition, that I was one of the strongest singers and that he's excited to be working with me. Totally made my day. Also, orchestra was really fun, especially because I got to sit first chair (I'm normally 3rd). AND THE CASTING FOR SEUSSICAL IS SO FREAKING GOOD! I'm a bird girl with 5 of my friends, and it's going to be amazing. The girl who got the part that I wanted (my best friend) is legit so much better than I am that I don't even mind that she got Mayzie. I'm so excited and happy! Even though I might've just broken my screwed up toe that I've been getting up to full playing speed for 2 years. |
I just looked up Social Phobia...
It sounds just like me... Quote:
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It came back for a total of three minutes (more or less) and I have no idea why.
For that brief amount of time I cried like I'd just had my heart broken, and I felt more sad than I had in weeks, maybe even months. But I didn't know why. There's all this pressure and tension in my chest, and it's been building and rising and crumbling and falling in a constant struggle for the past couple of days. Today was pretty perfect. Except for this... intrusion. I really don't know what to call it. It seemed like it lasted for hours but in reality only a couple of minutes had passed by the time it stopped. So why does my chest feel empty now? Why is there no more struggle or tension or pressure? It was not a release. I see now that the struggle somehow filled me. And it was washed away by my crying, and it's empty there now. That hollow place like a bullet wound next to my heart. I don't understand anything. My head is spinning and my world's collapsing but it's a personal apocalypse. I feel alone even though some hours ago I was surrounded by friends and at ease if not happy (I don't know what happy feels like anymore; I've forgotten the emotion). I feel very cold, though it's surely much warmer in my house than it is outside. I want to blame everyone but I can't blame anyone because this is all me. Most of all, I just want to sleep. That feeling has been coming over me a lot lately. I'm so tired, and I'm dragging my feet, and I'm doing barely well enough to get by, not outstanding, just good, maybe not even that. I'm aware I've said this before, but I wish the world really did end today. It wouldn't be a great loss to me. Just more time to sleep. |
I don't want to forget today. :')
I arrived at the her house early, along with a few other people. I put my Secret Santa present under the tree and started joking around with my friends. We went in the basement to play ping pong, and tossed around inside jokes.
I got anxious and annoyed when other girls arrived. Great, some squealing girls way better looking, way more athletic, and overall better girls. I felt kind of lonely for the next twenty minutes, playing games with everyone. But, when we all gathered 'round the living room, I got my gift from my Secret Santa, and she actually put thought into it. I thought she might just get me a gift card. We watched a Christmas movie, and we all laughed together. I began to enjoy being around the girls who I previously scoffed at. We went out to the patio for s'mores by the bonfire. I talked with some girls and told secrets. We laughed so much. At the end when I was leaving, so many girls wished me "Merry Christmas!" and hugged me. How can people be so kind to someone like me? :^) |
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And she invited every girl in the grade, not particular people. Quote:
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ME, I love your location :D
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