( this was in my actor/ actress thread.. Just thought more peeps would see it here. )

Auditions, I thought went really well! I looked at th call back list today.... And didn't get a callback. Now I don't know about your theaters, but in this One, if you don't get capped back, that basically means you are in th chorus, or not in the show at all! And for the past three shows I have gOtten a callback. I feel sad. D: any words of wisdom?

Yeah. Sorry... that night I had a huge breakdown. I kind of sobbed in my pillow for an hour. I feel all fluffy and light today. Dunno. -__-

That happens to me. I'll be all depressed and sobbing and after a few days, suddenly be incredibly hyper and feeling like awesomeness.
It's normal.
I think.
:/
Best thing for it is rice cakes. *meaningful grin*

Correction:
I'm here.
We're all here.
*hugs*

You and LST: Thanks, guys. (: I actually think I want a therapist as someone I can talk to in person, because I talk to you guys about it on KP, and then I talk to Sophie and Heather by email, but I really want someone to talk to in real life. And then I'm pretty sure if I have a therapist they'll end up telling my parents, which defeats the whole purpose.

I have an important question because its confusing the crud outta me. Okay, so, my best friend and my other best friend are huge enemies. One, whose been my best friend since around 11 years ago, whose growing apart from me, and another whose been my brothers best friend for 12 years and in the past three years has become one of my best friends. But they hate each other.
What do I do? Do I continue being friends with both of them?
Its like a deep hatred for each other too. Long story.

(Warning: this post is exstremly angry and may curse at any time)
UGH!!!!!!!! IM TOTALLY PISSED OFF AT MY PARENTS. I want to scream
ITS ALWAYS MY FAULT HUH? WELL MAYBE IT WILL ACTUALLY BE MY FAULT WHEN MY FIST MEETS UR FACE

I wont actually punch them -_-

I'd go with your first friend, even though they are growing apart from you. If it doesn't work out... go for the other one, but you've been friends with one the longest, so choose them

But how do I let the other person know? They'll hate me . . . . . and if I chose wrong. GAHHH. So confusing ;~;

Actually, just hang out with them at different times... that may work a little better, and explain to both of them, that you don't want to end their friendship, so you'll split your time between the two of them.

True ;~; I'm just worried they'll get mad. My best friend I've had for a long time is really sensitive. She holds it against me and brings it up at times to make me feel like a bad friend -_-

Then she's probably the one who needs to work on being a better friend.

That's kind of what I've been thinking lately, and I've been wondering to myself why I'm even friends with her in the first place. It's confusing though, because she's like a sister to me and I can't even think about not being her friend. I'm just really confused.

Okay, then, just ask her to talk and tell her how you feel whenever she holds grudges and brings it up against you. If that doesn't work, then I guess you just have to let the friendship run its course, it's bound to end soon if you guys are already drifting.

I guess so . . . . thank you :')

Please don't talk about him dying. ._. Just don't. I know he's old. He's thirteen, yes. That's sixty-eight in dachshund years. I know you've loved all your dogs dearly, and fell apart when they died. You know I feel the exact same way about my baby Tiger. Don't you get it? I'm under just as much stress--if not more--then you are right now. If your way of coping with what's going on right now is being all nostalgic and being sad about the future, then that's fine. But don't make me think about it, too. Don't start crying when you see that dumb little picture slideshow I made for the dog to the song "Someone Like You". Don't. I can't take it. Don't. Don't look at me like that dying beagle in the movie we watched is my dog. I love my dog more than most of the things in my life. When he dies...I'll be crushed. I know I will. I know it's unavoidable. But talking about this now...when I'm not exactly in the most stable mental/emotional state.......ugh, I'm crying so much I can't even see the darned keyboard....... >w<

Just stop it.

Stop.

I don't usually go this deep into my personal life online, but I just can't take it.

This is one of the many reasons why lately all I want to do is hunker down in my room and not talk to anyone. It seems that everyone I talk to brings me pain. No wonder I'm developing social anxieties.

Tiger, I love you. I love you, too, Dad. Just please stop talking about this.

Crying
 

Just because. o_o

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-l...-of-crying.htm

;___;
I know how that is. It's the one of the toughest things in the world. Just love him like you always have until the end. It'll be hard--I can't deny that. But jus stick it through for Tiger. He knows you love him, and he loves you. :3

You left me. You left me for her. She doesn't even like you! She's just using you to get to me, to upset me! She doesn't care about you and I wish you could see that! I wish you could but you just... can't. She hates you and with her athletic walk and I'm above you talk, you should be able to see she doesn't care!! She isn't your friend, she isn't anybody's friend! She wants the world but she can't have it because I'm in her way, continuously outdoing her in everything but not on purpose and she hates it! She hates that I am and because of it, she is taking you away. You were my best friend, but now you can't even mention my name around her and you don't even try to. She is doing this to you, she is using you and she is crushing your personality. Your a copy of her now and you expect me to be the same. I want you back. I want you to be my friend again. Perhaps you will never be my best friend again, maybe you will never even be my friend. In fact, no, I don't want you to ever be my friend again. You LEFT me! I was alone in the shopping centre because you were shopping with me and then you LEFT me alone. You are supposed to be my friend. BUT YOU LEFT ME AND I DON'T WANT YOU BACK UNLESS YOU PROMISE ME! You promise me that you will never do that again. I haven't talked to you in three days now, and I sit next to you in class.Why did you leave me? Why?

Aww! I'm sorry! *le hugs* Life is rough. I wish I knew how you feel, so I could share my pain with you so that I may be of better use to you. :( All I can do honey is tell you, this is the world; everyone gets hurt. And I'm not saying that you will be hurt all the time, because I definitely hope and pray that you won't. But this is the battle, we are in it, the battle against drama, against depression, against our own feelings. Feelings control us all. They are a good and bad things at times. I understand you have a mix right now: you're mad, and sad, upset, annoyed... ectera. And I am sorry your friend quit on you. Not everyone can keep promises and stop their own pride from hurting or breaking another ones heart. It our nature. D: But I hope you know, that in this battle, I am right there with you, never leaving your side through the worst. I cry out that I don't break it and break your heart more only later to learn that I gave up on you. But that I stuck with it, even if you made a wrong to me or whoever. But only if you influence me in a negative way (which I am positive you wont) then understand why I left. But I pray that I will be there. That I won't take on your problems but give you the wisest opinions I can and not push any pressure on you.

Girly, I'm here in this dramatic, aching, pressuring battle with you, we all are :'D *another hug*

I'm such an idiot.

I took my friend back because it hurt too much to watch her ignore me after our "breakup." Why? She's a great person but it will only hurt me more in the end. jakjklsdajkds and if I break up with her again, it will only be worse. :( I'll just slowly drift apart from her when I'm in highschool...

i'm sorry, I wish I could be more help to you DX

OH MY GOD. I can't believe it. I'm so insanely scared but SO happy right now...
Monday: Nothing, a little snappish in the afternoon.
Tuesday: PERFECT.
Wednesday: Nothing, but my head and my mouth pain brought me to tears that night.
Thursday: Nothing, nothing, NOTHING!

/doesahappydance
http://www.nhlcyberfamily.org/special/snoopy3.gif

But...
I'm so damn scared.
My emotions were haywire the few weeks before this one.
Is it actually going to be a pretty much perfect week??
Or will I snap before the end?

...
Stay tuned...
:P

This isn't particularly dark or depressed, just some stuff that's been building up. :P Some of the stuff toward the end might be a bit… awkwardish to read.

So I have, like, crushes now. And sometimes being around them/thinking about them makes me sort of… happyish. Which is a very nice change from the depression/mainly apathy. So I guess things have been getting a bit better, especially considering how dark I was before. /glances at journal and scowls/ (If it wasn't for my journal, though, glancing back at it and having a few sentences burnt into my mind, I wouldn't have realised that.) But I feel like I'm not really living. More like I'm just going through the motions.

And sometimes I just feel tired emotionally. Like lying down and just not being anymore, like going to sleep and not waking up. Not suicidal, but more like… crawling in my closet, curling up, and not coming out. Not having to deal with myself or life or other people anymore. And sometimes I feel a milder variation of that.
(Okay I guess that's a bit depressing.)

And le last part……

Sometimes I feel sort of like being born a girl would have fit me better… Like, sometimes, girls' fashion/clothes/whatever seems kind of… cooler to me, I guess. And when I was in the musical, everyone wore make-up, including the guys. And… I kind of liked it. And I think I'm fairly feminine, personality-ish-wise… I don't give a shit about sports or being masculine or seeming masculine. I hate/really don't like sex/sexualness, pervertedness, or any of that shit. And I'm a hopeless romantic.
So I dunno.

AND NOW SOME SONGS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCZOGANCOKE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyVZ4uVHYRw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsCD5XCu6CM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ouj-xHhqbVw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1Q8odVTXOI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAMYIKfIVSQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0unXSXGAgDE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwXHpZIzpMc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFVmlp60oJ0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwGPfBLZP2U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YxaaGgTQYM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJGpsL_XYQI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FxxHuIwY0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJZhYpXlFls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTgnDLWeeaM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5agP82QaX3o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C1IfwnRIlI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqds0B_meys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtjUc5GXY3E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RBWdZ-VRIM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySJYxqLBC4o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ViM8tKG1Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9Rb3VCOUj4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuVGyW-LJs8

…or maybe more than a few. But I can relate to all of those at least a bit. And they're all beast. >w>

I know how you feel about just "going through motions". There's not much I can advise.

Gerard Way was into make-up. He first tried on make up and lip stick when his mom was gone and he liked it. If that's what you like, it doesn't matter. Gerard Way dresses girly-ish often times, and he's still awesome. Anyone who has a problem with how you dress/how you identify your gender needs to grow up. Since you're saying sort-of, then I don't really think you could be trans* or anything, but don't worry about your "feminine" side. Embrace it, it's who you are. There is NOTHING wrong with being feminine. It doesn't make you gay or anything(and even if you do become trans* or gay, I wouldn't care(obviously)). So what if you don't care about sex? That will come when it needs to come and if you don't care for it later, then it doesn't matter. If you have a feminine side, embrace it. If you don't care for sex, so what?
"Be whoever you are, extremely loud and be completely fearless when you do it." ~Gerard Way

......... o/////_/////o I know exactly how you guys feel. There was this point about a year ago when I thought I was gay. It lasted about a week and then I was like, "Whoa, calm down there..." but before that and even now, I feel like everyone I know thinks I'm gay. It's really the only explanation for my personality, the way I carry myself, the way I talk, the way I think, everything. Sometimes I feel like everything would have been easier for me if I had been born male, even though I don't identify myself as transsexual. I have every single "stereotypical" boy personality trait, including a weird urge to seem emotionally masculine/indifferent. o_O I've always wanted to try cross dressing too, just for fun. I'd love to cut my hair and romp around in a suit, and there is not a day where I don't look in the mirror and imagine what kind of guy I would make.
My mom sees a part of this side of me and describes it as "me being male in my past lives." ...? Okay... I guess that works... o_o
I mean, the only reason my brother is such a macho-guy around his buddies and at home is because he's seen how I behave... ._. (*has no idea*)

I can relate about the apathy, too. Everything has changed after I got into pre-IB, seeing as it is an enrichment program and finally gave my brain something to do. I had no idea that all these problems were being caused by me being kept in an intellectual chicken coop and pecking away at myself in frustration--summer break is the worst for me, and I dread it, but at least I know it's a while away. But since IB, I've been a completely different person. I'm channeling my energy into my schoolwork, maintaining athletics, with VM and art on the side and everything is great. I go to school in the morning feeling like I'm finally going to get somewhere, that I'm not just another worthless nothing, that there is a future for me that I will have earned, me alone. It doesn't even matter to me whether I meet someone to share my life with, in fact I feel like it would hold me down. My one true love is academics and my career, and right now my career is school... since grade nine started I have never been so happy with my life as I am now.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has changed from being in an extremely dark place to being somewhere less awful. :)

lucky, people in my IB program are like "aha what is this IB learner profiles shit this is STTUUUUPPPIIIIDDDDD"

For like two nonconsecutive days I was sure I was gay. It was accompanied by the same… I dunno, hypomania-ish/happy-ish feeling of part of my above vent, the make up and stuff, but more extreme. And then the other day I wondered if I was gay but then my thought was, like, "Nahhh, probably not."
Suits = totally awesome. So. :p

Glad things are better for you. (:

/yeahcanrelatetothatquote

I think I was thinking something like that, a while ago… Like when you linked to that one personality type blog.
Thanks.

And thanks everyone else, too, for paying attention. :3

No problem, it's in our nature to. If we didn't, we'd be paining ourselves. It's like watching a sack of kittens getting crucified and burnt and doing nothing to stop it.

Why is everyone depressed? Genuine question here.

;3 Look at the title of thread.

I practically slept the whole day away. I woke up at 5 a.m. feeling suffocated and when I was called out for breakfast, I checked my temperature. I had a fever.
So no school. I originally wanted to spend the day typing and reading, but I can't even sit up straight. My back aches, even when I lie down. So did my thighs, and my knees. So the only way I can be comfortable is to sleep, because in the unconsciousness, I don't feel the pain. And my body's sweating, but when I kick away the duvet I start shivering.
I feel like shit.

That sounds...fun. I hope you recover soon.

Thanks, bookworm1999. That makes me feel really good. :) You seem to be a great friend. :) Hope if anything happens to you then I can help. :)