Shut up and lift your head high.
You're awesome.

But those are the best kinds of people : ) And you shouldn't hate yourself :O You are amazing, just like Maxi said. Lift your head high ^^

Thanks.

1. That's what I used to tell myself. But it's honestly unbearable.

2. Thank you.

For those who wish me to elucidate, here's whats's happening right now.

I overheard my best friend say he hates me.

I now don't have a best friend.

I embarrassed myself in front of my math and gym class.

I'm being a jerk to everyone I know. As in, making them cry.

The meat of today, the main stuff, was pretty amazing. Really. But it's the random things, the space between spaces, those short periods between each event where I'm standing by myself, and wonder, does anyone even notice I'm standing here? Or care? I mean, I cling to the cool crowd and they accept me, but they don't actually care about me. They keep me there laughs, but they don't actually care about ME, as a person. No one, in fact, of the popular crowd that I leech onto, knows the last thing about me. So I sit there wondering why I even bother. And it really is these little moments, standing alone as people shove past me, not giving me a second glance, that turns what could've been a great day around.

um... just asking, why not just hang out with people that actually care?

Okay. Because I want to look cool for my crush, I think. Also, I do it subconsciously. And also because only like two people actually know/like me.

She really is a right jerk. First she accused you of pinching her when you didn't, and now this.

Tis the emotional venting thread. Happiness is an emotion.
Yay!

Wait, what?
I used to cut just because I wanted to bleed.
It's hard to break the skin of your palm.

But you NEED a distraction.

I'm going to write a book. It won't have a plot, climax, or ending, and it will have run on sentences and no punctuation. The shy girl will stay shy, and the guy will never notice the girl, and the bitchy girl will stay bitchy, and everyone'll die. The end.

Our lives much?

Well, they're life's leftovers, going along with the crowd towards the trash. You can always be one of the main characters, all you have to do is be you. Ha, that sounded pathetic and weak. Well, look at me, nerd girl even without her glasses, weirdo who writes and finishes her homework two days early. Life is tough. So learn martial arts like I did, and beat the shit out of it.

Perhaps she was distracted by something else, or maybe she was thinking...? I often reply vaguely to people who interrupt my thinking.

Maybe she was distracted by the game? I know you feel very sensitive, try not to think 'what if's unless they're optimistic.

The kind of religeous songs you don't want to listen to are the ones that are all sad and nice and realistic, and then burst into a chorus of JESUS LOVES ME SO IT'S ALL OKAY AND I CAN GO ON WITH MY UNREALISTIC LIFE LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED!

XD

what happened? what did your brother do?

What did he do?
And congratulations, by the way.

It's just too much, they were neglecting me, just because he was throwing a fit, and then they got POed when I tried to help. It hurts sometimes. Luckily, things are better now, but I don't know what I can do.

I just got back from KYA, and it was an amazing experience. :D I made some new friends and got to present our bill FOUR times. Me and my group mate Destiney got a certificate for "Outstanding Bill", too. On Thursday night, we presented at First Committee, and our bill got passed. Yesterday, we went to the State Capitol to present in the Senate. I was so nervous my feet were sweating in my heels, so I had to slip out of my heels and wipe my feet on the Senate floor before we went up to present. My heart stopped when they called Division, but the gavel was hit and it was announced passed. :D We had two minutes to get across the Capitol to meet with the KYA governor, so I took off my heels and ran around the Capitol barefoot. xD We presented our bill to the Governer, and found out today he passed it, too, which means it gets sent to THE REAL CONGRESS TO BE DEBATED ON. ^____^ We got another certificate that says our bill is a law. :) If I go to KUNA, something similar to KYA, I may run for highschool governor next year. ^_^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTm1m9CjEnQ

I just want to be able to sing and act like her. But, f***, why can't I? Why are some people born with talent, while others are like me, hiding behind computer screens and writing in my notebook? I'm not saying I don't want to do any work, but why aren't I as lucky as others?

Congrats! I'm glad it went well! What was the law?

@CACrules: To make it mandatory for every public school system in Kentucky to have a suicide prevention/bullying awareness program at least once a semester.

@All: Well...I have stalked my KYA crushes anough for one day..XD

Nice! I would have aproved it too.

As if you couldn't kick her butt in whatever you wanted to do.

OH MY GOD ME TOO!
I love The Ladies Who Lunch. I know it by heart. I love Company. It's one of my favorite musicals. I love that you know that song.
Here's a thought: You might actually have talent, but you just don't use it enough. My parents are musicians, so I've always had a good ear, but singing isn't my greatest strength. I'm still pretty insecure about it, but I know I got SO much better in the past 9 months because I started singing more, recording myself, listening to myself, and my voice has improved SO MUCH simply because I got to know it better. I still have the same vocal chords and I'm still the same person, but just exploring what I can do has made it so much easier.
And yeah, everyone wants to be Joanne.

Nobody can kick Joanne's butt. She's... scary.
*by the way, that's the character, not the actress*

So. o_o I had this long venting conversation with my dad the other night. Cried a bit more than I wanted to. But......it actually helped. <:^J I feel better, somewhat. A little less pressured. So, yay. *halfhearted fistpump* Now, if I can just get back to writing...x__x

@Mary Elizabeth: I know that feel. >.<

*is glad* :^D

(Er, actually, I only know that song 'cause you suggested me to use it in my audition. XD But I do love the play, now that I've seen it.)

Thanks, that's actually really reassuring. :^] Lucky that I found this out a while before my audition.

You need to be better than perfect. When you're good, it's expected. When you're not good, you're yelled at. You have to be better than perfect.

Glad your family is less messed up now :^J
@Sophie: Yeah...

You can email me any time you want to or need to. Now included.

Dear idiots, music does NOT define a person.

...true that.

Mhm.

/Tencharacterrule..itshallbethedeathofme

Though, this song is FREAKING catchy. Imma make it my signature.

What song? Is it a good one? O: Telll mmmmeeee.

Mom, I don't understand why you're PO'd. But please, please do not take it out on the rest of us. By which I mean, me and Dad. ._. If you want me to turn off my music, just say so. If you want me to write down a list of the things I have to do for homework, just say so. If if if... just SAY so. Goddammit. (Oh it's about CLEANING?...wtf...god please don't be so angry. It scares me. You and Dad had your first argument today that was NOT about me and it relieved and frightened me at the same time. It means that I'm not the source of all your hatred, so if I killed myself it wouldn't necessarily make you stop fighting, but then I'm frightened because it means you can fight WITHOUT me and I don't want you two to fight, ever, because it's really freaking scary when you do and it makes me want to cry.)
Today when you and Dad were asking me what I had on my hand it was the butterfly from cutting, I named him C, but I can't tell you that and I'm scared what you'll think if you find out I have eight more butterflies on my body plus a tree (though how you would see five of the butterflies and that one tree I have no idea). I had to hide it from you guys like five times and every time I was so scared that you would grab my hand and look closer. The most conspicuous butterfly is, unnervingly, right on the palm of my hand over where I (tried) to stab the most and it terrifies me that you'll see past the butterfly and to the wound and ask where it came from. God. You absolutely canNOT find out that I've been cutting, thank you very much. You both have much more shit to deal with in your life that DOESN'T come from me. I know you're upset right now and that makes me upset but you don't have to be so fucking noisy, it drives me inSANE.

Umbrella - Rihanna.

Yeah, it's okay, I guess. I'm not really into Rihanna and any other artist like her. XD

Meh, she's epik.