https://www.kidpub.com/story/ill-tak...ing-1857158249


okay so I wrote this short story from the point of view of my own depression, and I think it's a really interesting take on depression itself, including self harm and all that. please be warned it has graphic depictions of cutting, so if it might trigger you please don't make me responsible for that.

Haha so what if I died

i feel this on a spiritual level. not ur exact situation and not necessarily in a romantic sense but possessiveness is def something i can relate to. *hug* the feeling sucks and i hope, even if it's not him, that you do find someone who treats you as their first priority c: ur feelings are completely valid and if u wanna talk more abt it you can always message me ^u^

I've been saying how much worse I am than what I used to be because I was so good at school and I was pickier with the things I enjoyed and I didn't obsess over dumb things but really I haven't been giving myself any credit. I've grown so much and I'm not as insecure anymore and I don't cry or kill myself over school and I genuinely enjoy things, even dumb things and I wear what I like and I laugh so much more now I mean I used to be so bitter even at a very young age but now I'm healthy and happy and more - even if not completely - comfortable in my own skin. There's still so much to go but I'm better, much better, and I should give myself credit for that. It's taken a lot to get here.

Basically what I'm saying is just give yourself credit! Even for the small things you've accomplished! You don't have to be done with your journey but even from my outsider position I see everyone on this site growing and developing and accomplishing things. You're all lovely have a lovely day and appreciate the person you've become while still striving to improve yourself. Change is good and natural but also just take it one step at a time and enjoy yourself right now. Much love guys.<3

god bless u darling this is wondrful

and also SCHOOL IS OUT so I am kinda conflicted about this but also less drama so yayyy

(also I reallyyy want to find a gorgeous cutie SO this summer but we shall seee)

relatable tbh- im also ready to make a tON of mistakes just like last summer!!! :))))


honestly i'm going to keep a tally of people i kiss this summer (im being serious im going to do it)

hey no problem do what you feel <3 good luck w your endeavor!!

MEERA
MEERA
do you know how much i've missed chatting with you? although our conversations were short and we've only had a couple, you're clever and creative and i consider you one of my first friends on here.
so what if you died?
surely your family would be sad, but let's go deeper. let's go to your friends and classmates and OH YEAH, myself, who hasn't even met you but is begging you not to harm yourself. you've made that strong of an impact on someone you don't even know, and that is an amazing thing to achieve, because you are a brilliant human being.
you're a teenager, correct? you've been on this earth for less than eighteen years, and you still have many years ahead of you. so many more experiences and opportunities and mistakes (you can learn from) and smiles and tears that all need to unfold, because God has a plan for you, and he never wants you to cut it short.
i freaking love you. i freaking love anyone who has the courage to share their emotions on this thread, because it is brave. you are a brave person and you can use the bravery to stand back up again and continue the fight. because one day, you'll slay all your demons, and they will be gone with your past, and you will have a beautiful future ahead of you.
i promise.

i hate being insecure
starts out as "im not enough" "ill be replaced" and then "im too anxious to voice insecurities so lemme just keep them bottled up till they grow too intense" so then it turns to "i don't want to exist anymore" and im only voicing them here now so that maybe it won't get even worse
and voila im depressed again aljdkshdhd why now i have to think of ways to make myself happy again before the day is done bc going to bed sad is sucky and makes everything worse and this depression is such a hassle that it makes things that usually make me happy ineffective distractions so it's even harder to do that and I am just so tired of dealing with this so often

iM GOING TO A WATERPARK WITH MY FRIEEEENDSSSS BECAUSE I HAVE FRIEEENDSSSS yayyy

Hmm okay so it's almost definitely gonna rain on my waterpark day but I am determined to go anyways just for sno cones even if the rides are all closed

"I hate people with a big heart."

i don't want anything to do with your feelings get them away from me
i'd rather be lonely than bothered
but i don't want you to figure out how frozen i am
and i don't want to taint your warmth when i inevitably deny you
i can't i can't i can't
i've enjoyed your warmth but can't you see i'm frozen
you can't fix me or keep me warm i'll only melt
i'd rather be frozen
save your big heart for someone else
it's much less complicated for me without feelings

hey my buddy you are gonna be ok and I understand if u need space but try not to get too solitary and if u need me just email me. (I like the poem/thing though)

i'm fine

I really hope so

I think I'm gonna go through with it

It's different if your family is the one telling you to die lmao

you need to clear your head and think about it later. put it off as long as possible and get some fucking sleep; God knows you probably need it. you are loved and I know it's hard but you've got to distract yourself. take it five minutes at a time

That's like
A lot easier said than done especially bc you don't know the specifics of my situation
But I'll try

Hi so, i'll try not to get into anything here...um, but it's good that you're trying Esther's advice, in fact I think that's really good, because if you're willing to try then that means there's a part of you that really
doesn't want to leave, despite what the other parts are all screaming for.
and it's always been my theory, that as long as that one part of you is still there, even if it's weak, then it's not time to go yet.
you still have that part.
um, anyways, that's all. I hope things turn out okay for you, maybe not immediately, but eventually.

so i want to wake up early but when i do i go back to sleep and wake up at 12

I've never self-harmed. I've never been suicidal. I don't know what the heck you're going through but I hope you take into consideration that I would be so, so sad and I'm crying right now for you. That's all I can really say, since I don't control what you do or think.

On a side note, does it bother anyone else that when I go to the anxiety tag on whatever website, I get girls holding handfuls of pills and crying girls and sad quotes and not things that can actually help calm me? This isn't a John Green book where someone's going to pick me up after a panic attack and we'll fall in love. But sometimes just a calming gif or support can make the day a whole lot different.

Ugh the anxiety thing pisses me off too
Pinterest is just really the fuckin worst at that

i hate myself ive never been wanted im unloved i care too much and nobdy loves me the way i wan tthem too i hate myself i hate myself i want to die and it doesnt matterwho sees thisi wish i could stop existing

Hey can you message or email me please
If you can't that's okay but just know I love you and I would never want anything to happen to you. Hang on buddy.

I'm not going to bed until you go offline or respond to this.

Hey Livy looks like you're offline but if you need me please email and I'll get back asap

Love you dear <3

oh gosh. thank u so much im so sorry for worrying u i just kinda spiraled. im not sure how to contact u but i will try ily thank u

I'm glad ur okay : ) but yeah I actually put my email in the post in case you saw it, but edited it out afterwards.

ohh sorry i didn't see it !!

np just glad ur okay :D

Tfw you feel confident and then you remember you have really jacked up teeth and a belly ugh

1. everyone has a belly. be glad you have one so you can fill it up with air to sing/talk/whatever.

2. we can be jacked up teeth buddies together.

3. you are freaking awesome and i always love seeing your selfies/writing.

i'm not perfect so i'm just unwanted baggage who's only alive because someone said i'd snap and kill myself eventually.
honestly why do i exist if i'm not the best
also is it weird for me, a cis girl, to be more male-passing than not bc i got mistaken for a guy dressing up in a bathroom in this transphobic state when i was wearing Girl Clothes(tm)
i hate facial hair

Thank you so much <3 I just get so self conscious so friggin randomly you know?? Like its great one sec and then all of a sudden I'm like AH NO BYE

hey if anyone has any feedback on this, let me know.

I want to write a book about depression. A handy manual of sorts, for those experiencing depression and those who want to help out their loved ones with depression. I've written essays and fun stuff in the past about helping depressed peeps, and I think it would be interesting to put it in book format. Maybe I"ll never publish it, but I would really like to make some kind of effort. Would anyone on here read that?

YES
that sounds great and your advice is always very helpful pls do it <33

i definitely would read! i think its a great idea! but i also think it would be important to say at the start that its just your advice and that everyone experiences mental illness differently, you know?

yes for sure :D I don't want to be a super cheesy "follow these four steps and ur life will change forever" but just practical advice you know?? like easy foods to make when you're feeling dysfunctional and ways to deal with therapists and some distractions from self harm and stuff