The Writer's Block

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Sandy 12-25-2013 10:56 PM

can i just
thank you so much for making this thread, the last time I was on KP it kind of seemed to need it, but i guess things are better now hopefully
oh man i wish i had checked writer's block sooner, i was like flipping out for advice on how to come out to close friends but thank god everything went okay.. *sweats* i'm able to joke about being pansexual a lot but when it came to actually coming out, i would start shaking whenever i tried to bring it up and when i finally got the guts to tell my best friend i thought i was gonna puke/cry and i still feel so weird about it
i've been confused about my gender for a really really really long time, like i'm never sure if it's my actual gender that i don't agree with or just the way i'm expected to act because of my gender
but i just
i dunno (i made the rest small because it's kind of sad and could possibly bring up bad memories/feelings and it's generally kind of negative so if u dont wanna read it that is like 400% okay with me)
i wish i could be proud or at least a little bit okay with my sexuality
like i'm 100% sure i'm not straight and when i finally realized this i was so happy that i'd figured something out for once but gradually over time i keep rejecting it and sometimes i'll be okay with it and then other times i'm completely different and i feel disgusting and terrible and i don't know why and i feel bad about feeling bad because... i don't know.. ughh sorry for putting this here i guess it's kind of related? idk i wish i could say i fully support my sexuality but there's this weird guilt thing there and i don't know why? i feel stupid for wishing i was straight, i feel like that's what my friends expected from me and i feel bad for letting them down. ugh sorry i should probably go to the EVT with this i'm really sorry guys christmas is seriously not a good time for me

Lily09 12-26-2013 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 509785)
can i just
thank you so much for making this thread, the last time I was on KP it kind of seemed to need it, but i guess things are better now hopefully
oh man i wish i had checked writer's block sooner, i was like flipping out for advice on how to come out to close friends but thank god everything went okay.. *sweats* i'm able to joke about being pansexual a lot but when it came to actually coming out, i would start shaking whenever i tried to bring it up and when i finally got the guts to tell my best friend i thought i was gonna puke/cry and i still feel so weird about it
i've been confused about my gender for a really really really long time, like i'm never sure if it's my actual gender that i don't agree with or just the way i'm expected to act because of my gender
but i just
i dunno (i made the rest small because it's kind of sad and could possibly bring up bad memories/feelings and it's generally kind of negative so if u dont wanna read it that is like 400% okay with me)
i wish i could be proud or at least a little bit okay with my sexuality
like i'm 100% sure i'm not straight and when i finally realized this i was so happy that i'd figured something out for once but gradually over time i keep rejecting it and sometimes i'll be okay with it and then other times i'm completely different and i feel disgusting and terrible and i don't know why and i feel bad about feeling bad because... i don't know.. ughh sorry for putting this here i guess it's kind of related? idk i wish i could say i fully support my sexuality but there's this weird guilt thing there and i don't know why? i feel stupid for wishing i was straight, i feel like that's what my friends expected from me and i feel bad for letting them down. ugh sorry i should probably go to the EVT with this i'm really sorry guys christmas is seriously not a good time for me

its okay sandy you can vent here about it anytime
*builds you a blanket fort*
*gives you nice food*
*gives you a nice animal to pet*
good for you on coming out to your friend, that can be really hard.
i wish i could make it easier or better somehow, but i'm really shit at comforting people... but we'll be here if you need any help or if you just want to talk about it (:

L.S.Trendom 12-26-2013 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 509785)
can i just
thank you so much for making this thread, the last time I was on KP it kind of seemed to need it, but i guess things are better now hopefully
oh man i wish i had checked writer's block sooner, i was like flipping out for advice on how to come out to close friends but thank god everything went okay.. *sweats* i'm able to joke about being pansexual a lot but when it came to actually coming out, i would start shaking whenever i tried to bring it up and when i finally got the guts to tell my best friend i thought i was gonna puke/cry and i still feel so weird about it
i've been confused about my gender for a really really really long time, like i'm never sure if it's my actual gender that i don't agree with or just the way i'm expected to act because of my gender
but i just
i dunno (i made the rest small because it's kind of sad and could possibly bring up bad memories/feelings and it's generally kind of negative so if u dont wanna read it that is like 400% okay with me)
i wish i could be proud or at least a little bit okay with my sexuality
like i'm 100% sure i'm not straight and when i finally realized this i was so happy that i'd figured something out for once but gradually over time i keep rejecting it and sometimes i'll be okay with it and then other times i'm completely different and i feel disgusting and terrible and i don't know why and i feel bad about feeling bad because... i don't know.. ughh sorry for putting this here i guess it's kind of related? idk i wish i could say i fully support my sexuality but there's this weird guilt thing there and i don't know why? i feel stupid for wishing i was straight, i feel like that's what my friends expected from me and i feel bad for letting them down. ugh sorry i should probably go to the EVT with this i'm really sorry guys christmas is seriously not a good time for me

yeah things seem quite a bit better now which is gr9 \o/
dude great job coming out to your friend! *high fives* *hands u coffee* *hugs*
hey it's completely okay if you're not straight. people will be douches about it, yeah, but yo that doesn't mean it's wrong to be non-straight. it doesn't make you terrible or disgusting. and if anyone thinks it does, their opinion is wrong and stupid and they need to be more open-minded. *hugs* besiides, the more important thing is that you're really really rad c:

blossom 12-26-2013 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 509785)
can i just
thank you so much for making this thread, the last time I was on KP it kind of seemed to need it, but i guess things are better now hopefully
oh man i wish i had checked writer's block sooner, i was like flipping out for advice on how to come out to close friends but thank god everything went okay.. *sweats* i'm able to joke about being pansexual a lot but when it came to actually coming out, i would start shaking whenever i tried to bring it up and when i finally got the guts to tell my best friend i thought i was gonna puke/cry and i still feel so weird about it
i've been confused about my gender for a really really really long time, like i'm never sure if it's my actual gender that i don't agree with or just the way i'm expected to act because of my gender
but i just
i dunno (i made the rest small because it's kind of sad and could possibly bring up bad memories/feelings and it's generally kind of negative so if u dont wanna read it that is like 400% okay with me)
i wish i could be proud or at least a little bit okay with my sexuality
like i'm 100% sure i'm not straight and when i finally realized this i was so happy that i'd figured something out for once but gradually over time i keep rejecting it and sometimes i'll be okay with it and then other times i'm completely different and i feel disgusting and terrible and i don't know why and i feel bad about feeling bad because... i don't know.. ughh sorry for putting this here i guess it's kind of related? idk i wish i could say i fully support my sexuality but there's this weird guilt thing there and i don't know why? i feel stupid for wishing i was straight, i feel like that's what my friends expected from me and i feel bad for letting them down. ugh sorry i should probably go to the EVT with this i'm really sorry guys christmas is seriously not a good time for me

Okay, I'm gonna try to give you some advice. I know how much gender dysphoria sucks (even though I'm cisgendered I still went through it for a while) and I know what you mean about wishing you were straight; it's difficult to comfortably think of yourself as a certain sexuality sometimes. I still kinda feel guilty for not being straight, although now my favorite saying is "hearts, not parts.".

Anyway. I guess something that helped me is to focus on the positive aspects of my sexuality, but that's hard sometimes given the discomfort. I tried of think of all the things I was scared of. Like I guess some of the LGBTQ+ community dissapproves of bisexuals/pansexuals because they don't focus on one specific gender? And then I was like "okay, so I'll just ignore them and if I have any LGBTQ+ friends I know for a fact they'll be the ones who don't look down upon it.".

As for gender, I'm not really sure what to say because like I said before, even though I've experienced gender dysphoria I'm still cisgendered, so I'll give this my best shot: try looking at the way you've felt comfortable acting in the past and if you agree with that.

And if you're mostly feminine with a masculine side, you could still be cis. If you're mostly masculine with a feminine side you could still be cis. On the other hand, if you're mostly feminine with a masculine side you could identify as male, because then it gets into a matter of gender roles.

What I did with my sexuality was go through a list of sexualities and see which one sounded the most like me, and I guess you could do that with gender. But remember, and I'm not saying that I hope you're cis or anything because obviously there's nothing wrong with identifying as another gender, no gender, third gender, etc. and whichever one suits you is good, you could still fit into other gender stereotypes and identify as a specific gender.

And by the way, it gets better. Once you know what you are and come out to yourself it gets easier. Good luck. :)

blossom 12-26-2013 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 509762)
how'd it go?

It went well, actually, because she's asexual biromantic (I mentioned her earlier) so she didn't judge or anything.

Also I took a moment to discuss with her my pride flag colors because I love them omg ^_^.

LaurenM 12-26-2013 11:23 AM

I never really came out to other people and I don't really see the need to...?

Lily09 12-26-2013 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blossom (Post 509859)
It went well, actually, because she's asexual biromantic (I mentioned her earlier) so she didn't judge or anything.

Also I took a moment to discuss with her my pride flag colors because I love them omg ^_^.

Yay! That's so great (:

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 509860)
I never really came out to other people and I don't really see the need to...?

For me, coming out isn't that much of a big deal. I mean, telling Litzy was, but we dealt with it like "ok cool lily" and that was it. Same with other people, I only bring it up if they ask me or something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blossom (Post 509858)

And if you're mostly feminine with a masculine side, you could still be cis. If you're mostly masculine with a feminine side you could still be cis. On the other hand, if you're mostly feminine with a masculine side you could identify as male, because then it gets into a matter of gender roles.

What I did with my sexuality was go through a list of sexualities and see which one sounded the most like me, and I guess you could do that with gender. But remember, and I'm not saying that I hope you're cis or anything because obviously there's nothing wrong with identifying as another gender, no gender, third gender, etc. and whichever one suits you is good, you could still fit into other gender stereotypes and identify as a specific gender.

I'm a pretty feminine male?? I guess. I'm genderfluid, but I identify as male for the most part, but I'm still pretty feminine. Its hard to explain but I just don't feel like a girl even though I'm still sort of feminine?? and like ME said:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 509364)
Hi I wasn't going to add to the conversation but I just wanna say I don't think being a girl means traditional femininity and frilly dresses and pink doilies I mean you can love having tits and still be totally "butch" or whatever; sorry just that sounds like how people say masculine-dressing lesbians aren't real women

It's different from being a masculine female, because you just dont feel female fawfsfak;f
I dunno how to explainim prettybadatexplainingwhoops

MaggieMay 12-26-2013 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 509901)
Yay! That's so great (:


For me, coming out isn't that much of a big deal. I mean, telling Litzy was, but we dealt with it like "ok cool lily" and that was it. Same with other people, I only bring it up if they ask me or something.


I'm a pretty feminine male?? I guess. I'm genderfluid, but I identify as male for the most part, but I'm still pretty feminine. Its hard to explain but I just don't feel like a girl even though I'm still sort of feminine?? and like ME said:



It's different from being a masculine female, because you just dont feel female fawfsfak;f
I dunno how to explainim prettybadatexplainingwhoops

I get what you're saying. Sometimes I put myself in the mindset that I'm a male just to see what it feels like. It's pretty easy after a while, and I would be comfortable becoming genderfluid but I like being a girl. Besides, it's fun to defy gender stereotypes. c:

blossom 12-29-2013 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 509901)
Yay! That's so great (:


For me, coming out isn't that much of a big deal. I mean, telling Litzy was, but we dealt with it like "ok cool lily" and that was it. Same with other people, I only bring it up if they ask me or something.


I'm a pretty feminine male?? I guess. I'm genderfluid, but I identify as male for the most part, but I'm still pretty feminine. Its hard to explain but I just don't feel like a girl even though I'm still sort of feminine?? and like ME said:



It's different from being a masculine female, because you just dont feel female fawfsfak;f
I dunno how to explainim prettybadatexplainingwhoops

I get what you mean. A lot of people are like that, and I guess it makes sense. For some people it's affected by biological gender or the gender they were "raised as".

Lily09 12-29-2013 09:51 PM

hey guise my name is elliot my pronouns are he/his/him


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