The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Syafai 01-13-2019 05:59 PM

she's been by my side since i was two and i just lost her to a bunch of lies
she was the main reason to why i was happy about breaking my 7-year streak of homeschooling and going to her school and i wanted to see her face every weekday for 8 hours for the next 3 years of my life.
she's known me longer than the people there and since she first started going to the school and now she let the people get to her.
they told her i said this and did that and she believed them
since then, she pretty much rewrote her memory and now she thinks of me negatively.
i don't even know what i did wrong or at least what they said i did wrong
last friday she smiled and spoke to me all day and i only find now that she only did this to have her last memory of me as her friend and she blocked me on all media
this person has been bugging me for a while. and this person's friend and i truced so that nothing gets to our friendship. this person's best friend texted me an apology and recited it for the second time in front of me and my friends and whispered with her about it and she just looked at me laughing like i was a joke


is it normal to be betrayed after a decade of friendship because of a lie that went on for only three months? is this just a life-lesson that we all experience?

my thoughts are that she is nothing but a gullible liar and gullible liars aren't built for friends like me and that i don't need her. but she's been with me so long that i really do need her. she knows me 100% and i trusted her with every one of my secrets and now she's capable of telling everybody each one

2009- met each other
2011- decided we wanted to be best friends
2014- tells me she likes somebody more than me
2016- she becomes a whole different person
2018- what a damn idiot she is


this planet is truly disappointing.

Swallowtail 01-15-2019 12:06 AM

was losing my shit today and finally got desperate enough to actually use the crisis/trauma hotline and all i found was that very vague general disconnected responses just aren’t helpful for me- i’m not against them, i know they’re genuinely useful to a lot of people and i’m not dismissing that- so just fucking sobbed for like two hours because i have no one to turn to since my friends from home are busy and i have a shaky relationship with my parents and i feel so incredibly guilty for talking about it with my friends here. like it’s been almost four months and i feel i should be over it or st least not like this but then at the same time i’m terrified of getting over it or forgetting him. and it’s good that the dorm switch happened, it’s fun living in the barn and all, but also now every time i open my door o see straight down the hallway to the fire escape and can just think about how that’s where he died. and that’s exactly why it’s so important that the switch happened- so that the kids who found his body and held him and called 911 and have PTSD and shit can get OUT- but it’s just so draining to constantly be thinking about that. and that’s why i feel so guilty for complaining about it here- so many people have much more valid reasons to be doing badly and all my trauma is secondhand vs firsthand. i just feel stuck and sad and stressed and i don’t want to be st this school right now and i don’t want to always be thinking about it but then again i don’t him to just fade from my mind.

smartgal00 01-15-2019 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601742)
was losing my shit today and finally got desperate enough to actually use the crisis/trauma hotline and all i found was that very vague general disconnected responses just arenít helpful for me- iím not against them, i know theyíre genuinely useful to a lot of people and iím not dismissing that- so just fucking sobbed for like two hours because i have no one to turn to since my friends from home are busy and i have a shaky relationship with my parents and i feel so incredibly guilty for talking about it with my friends here. like itís been almost four months and i feel i should be over it or st least not like this but then at the same time iím terrified of getting over it or forgetting him. and itís good that the dorm switch happened, itís fun living in the barn and all, but also now every time i open my door o see straight down the hallway to the fire escape and can just think about how thatís where he died. and thatís exactly why itís so important that the switch happened- so that the kids who found his body and held him and called 911 and have PTSD and shit can get OUT- but itís just so draining to constantly be thinking about that. and thatís why i feel so guilty for complaining about it here- so many people have much more valid reasons to be doing badly and all my trauma is secondhand vs firsthand. i just feel stuck and sad and stressed and i donít want to be st this school right now and i donít want to always be thinking about it but then again i donít him to just fade from my mind.

I'm so sorry.

and your feelings are totally valid. Even if it's second-hand trauma, that does not negate the fact that you are hurting. If you don't want to post on here, you can always talk to me. My email is xrmwnerdx@gmail.com, and that's the email on my contact tab on the main site.

Zelda 01-15-2019 07:21 AM

I want to reply to you all but I also want to vent so, if you wrote a vent and it's on this page, go search the next reply because I wrote something for you there.

In other news, I'm digging myself a hole for my life to die in. and it's hard to even think about, because all i feel is my vagus nerve jabbing my heart and my throat closing up. i can't focus for long enough to put together a real plan of action. i'm hoping writing it all down like this will help because I don't really have a safety net.
This semester I took four college classes. They all ended, one of them I handed in half the assignments and took no tests, another I never even opened the textbook for, which means I failed them both and the other two I barely passed. I do not know if I can sign up for next semester classes because the date for that, according to my mother, has already passed. This is no one's fault but my own, I'm lazy, I prioritized writing over school and spent way more time than anyone should watching netflix while sitting at a desk with a pen and paper writing two sentences an hour. I didn't take my classes seriously, I didn't take the steps I needed to take, and now I'm here and I don't know how to fix this.
I haven't told my parents because I'm trying to buy myself as much time as possible. I'm embarrassed to tell them. and I'm looking for jobs so i can transition to working and make it less of a big deal for them, but the options here are limited and I don't know if i can handle working retail again. I know it's pathetic and dramatic but i hate retail so much, it makes me hate myself, it makes me want to curl up and cry, and i've been away from most of society for so long that i don't think i have the social skills to make anyone in any section of retail happy.
I should grit my teeth and get a terrible retail job but aside from hating them i'm also holding out to see if writing will pull me in some money. If i can get Ash and Cinder finished I can self publish it and get some revenue, and there are several contests that I can enter. but editing is going slowly and there always seems to be more things to fix, i'm struggling to keep track of them all and struggling even more to find the right words to fix things. and I cannot, for the life of me, write flash fiction that will put me anywhere near a contest shortlist because i'm unfocused and drowning in writer's block. I also can't write poetry, period. and I don't *have* a published manuscript to submit to the contests that accept those. so, yeah, i'm scraping at a brick-wall dead end with a plastic spoon in hopes that i'll dig my way out of this alley before the retail-job-racing-car splatters my will to live all over said dead end.

i'm so, so tired.
p.s. having written this, i now feel better. but i also cried while writing this so i don't know whether the 'better' feeling is just a dopamine rush or if i genuinely am ready to throw myself back into working things out. I hope it's the latter, but we'll see. tomorrow, we'll see. or.. later today. its 5:30am rn. anyways.

Zelda 01-15-2019 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601692)
heeyyyy here to vent again lol
I feel really lonely sometimes.

heyy, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I hope you're friends get done with their college stuff soon. I can't offer you any advice since you've already taken the best step and come here to talk about it. but, if you're ever feeling lonely in the future feel free to hit me up on instagram or through email. we can send memes or you can fill me in on the history of that rainbow-barfing doodle guy you post to your stories, or something like that. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syafai (Post 601714)
she's been by my side since i was two and i just lost her to a bunch of lies.

aww, that sucks :(
you can't really change her opinion or what's happened in the past, it seems like the best solution is to just move on. this girl obviously caused you a lot of stress, and while it must feel awful to lose a friend like that, lingering on what happened can make it even worse. You can always come and vent on KP if you get frustrated or upset by her, but for the most part I'd say just let go of the situation and focus on building up the friendships that you do have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601742)
was losing my shit today and finally got desperate enough to actually use the crisis/trauma hotline and all i found was that very vague general disconnected responses just arenít helpful for me

hey there, i'm so sorry that you had to experience what you did and it's terrible that you're stuck facing reminders every day. I hope your school finds a therapist who's actually good at their job and can give you the help and support you need.

if you ever want to vent, or just distract yourself with conversation, you can always message me on ig or discord. also, i don't know your comfort level but i do remember you mentioning your school's wifi gets shut off at midnight so, if it's within your comfort zone i can give you my number and you can text anytime.

I'm sorry i can't offer you anything more tangible than that, but i do hope that things get better for you soon.

Werty 01-15-2019 08:16 AM

I was going to vent here but my problems don't matter compared to what you all go through. Wow. Long story short: I'm feeling really empty n sad n not my crazy happy self lately n I mean I just wish the girl who I trusted so much (my ex bff) never existed so I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so alone.

Best wishes, Swallow. I know saying "hope you feel better" or giving a virtual hug or something never really helps. But sadly, that's all I have to give, me being younger than all of you with no advice. So, virtual hug from me and probably everyone else too. Remember: you can always talk to us!


Re, as for you, we are here and could always help you edit. You have contact with some of us, right? I'm sure you do. Don't know if your story is child safe, but my email is up on the contact thread on randomize if you ever need a different perspective.

Have a great year everyone.


:)

Swallowtail 01-15-2019 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smartgal00 (Post 601743)
I'm so sorry.

and your feelings are totally valid. Even if it's second-hand trauma, that does not negate the fact that you are hurting. If you don't want to post on here, you can always talk to me. My email is xrmwnerdx@gmail.com, and that's the email on my contact tab on the main site.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 601745)
heyy, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I hope you're friends get done with their college stuff soon. I can't offer you any advice since you've already taken the best step and come here to talk about it. but, if you're ever feeling lonely in the future feel free to hit me up on instagram or through email. we can send memes or you can fill me in on the history of that rainbow-barfing doodle guy you post to your stories, or something like that. :)


aww, that sucks :(
you can't really change her opinion or what's happened in the past, it seems like the best solution is to just move on. this girl obviously caused you a lot of stress, and while it must feel awful to lose a friend like that, lingering on what happened can make it even worse. You can always come and vent on KP if you get frustrated or upset by her, but for the most part I'd say just let go of the situation and focus on building up the friendships that you do have.


hey there, i'm so sorry that you had to experience what you did and it's terrible that you're stuck facing reminders every day. I hope your school finds a therapist who's actually good at their job and can give you the help and support you need.

if you ever want to vent, or just distract yourself with conversation, you can always message me on ig or discord. also, i don't know your comfort level but i do remember you mentioning your school's wifi gets shut off at midnight so, if it's within your comfort zone i can give you my number and you can text anytime.

I'm sorry i can't offer you anything more tangible than that, but i do hope that things get better for you soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601748)
I was going to vent here but my problems don't matter compared to what you all go through. Wow. Long story short: I'm feeling really empty n sad n not my crazy happy self lately n I mean I just wish the girl who I trusted so much (my ex bff) never existed so I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so alone.

Best wishes, Swallow. I know saying "hope you feel better" or giving a virtual hug or something never really helps. But sadly, that's all I have to give, me being younger than all of you with no advice. So, virtual hug from me and probably everyone else too. Remember: you can always talk to us!


Re, as for you, we are here and could always help you edit. You have contact with some of us, right? I'm sure you do. Don't know if your story is child safe, but my email is up on the contact thread on randomize if you ever need a different perspective.

Have a great year everyone.


:)

thanks everyone for the lovely messages <3 it means a lot. iím doing ok in general but sometimes it just all hits me again and itís so tiring lol.

Swallowtail 01-15-2019 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 601744)
I want to reply to you all but I also want to vent so, if you wrote a vent and it's on this page, go search the next reply because I wrote something for you there.

In other news, I'm digging myself a hole for my life to die in. and it's hard to even think about, because all i feel is my vagus nerve jabbing my heart and my throat closing up. i can't focus for long enough to put together a real plan of action. i'm hoping writing it all down like this will help because I don't really have a safety net.
This semester I took four college classes. They all ended, one of them I handed in half the assignments and took no tests, another I never even opened the textbook for, which means I failed them both and the other two I barely passed. I do not know if I can sign up for next semester classes because the date for that, according to my mother, has already passed. This is no one's fault but my own, I'm lazy, I prioritized writing over school and spent way more time than anyone should watching netflix while sitting at a desk with a pen and paper writing two sentences an hour. I didn't take my classes seriously, I didn't take the steps I needed to take, and now I'm here and I don't know how to fix this.
I haven't told my parents because I'm trying to buy myself as much time as possible. I'm embarrassed to tell them. and I'm looking for jobs so i can transition to working and make it less of a big deal for them, but the options here are limited and I don't know if i can handle working retail again. I know it's pathetic and dramatic but i hate retail so much, it makes me hate myself, it makes me want to curl up and cry, and i've been away from most of society for so long that i don't think i have the social skills to make anyone in any section of retail happy.
I should grit my teeth and get a terrible retail job but aside from hating them i'm also holding out to see if writing will pull me in some money. If i can get Ash and Cinder finished I can self publish it and get some revenue, and there are several contests that I can enter. but editing is going slowly and there always seems to be more things to fix, i'm struggling to keep track of them all and struggling even more to find the right words to fix things. and I cannot, for the life of me, write flash fiction that will put me anywhere near a contest shortlist because i'm unfocused and drowning in writer's block. I also can't write poetry, period. and I don't *have* a published manuscript to submit to the contests that accept those. so, yeah, i'm scraping at a brick-wall dead end with a plastic spoon in hopes that i'll dig my way out of this alley before the retail-job-racing-car splatters my will to live all over said dead end.

i'm so, so tired.
p.s. having written this, i now feel better. but i also cried while writing this so i don't know whether the 'better' feeling is just a dopamine rush or if i genuinely am ready to throw myself back into working things out. I hope it's the latter, but we'll see. tomorrow, we'll see. or.. later today. its 5:30am rn. anyways.

i’m so sorry you’re struggling with that, that sounds terrible. if you ever want to talk you can always message me. you will get through this and come out the other side i promise

Swallowtail 01-15-2019 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601748)
I was going to vent here but my problems don't matter compared to what you all go through. Wow. Long story short: I'm feeling really empty n sad n not my crazy happy self lately n I mean I just wish the girl who I trusted so much (my ex bff) never existed so I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so alone.

Best wishes, Swallow. I know saying "hope you feel better" or giving a virtual hug or something never really helps. But sadly, that's all I have to give, me being younger than all of you with no advice. So, virtual hug from me and probably everyone else too. Remember: you can always talk to us!


Re, as for you, we are here and could always help you edit. You have contact with some of us, right? I'm sure you do. Don't know if your story is child safe, but my email is up on the contact thread on randomize if you ever need a different perspective.

Have a great year everyone.


:)

hey ur problems are totally valid i promise! if you’re sad or empty that is something and you always deserve support! i’m sorry you’re going through a tough time with an ex friend. that really does suck. i know it feels like nothing will ever replace that but i promise you have other people all around you who care!

HannahChen2009 01-16-2019 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zelda (Post 601745)
heyy, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I hope you're friends get done with their college stuff soon. I can't offer you any advice since you've already taken the best step and come here to talk about it. but, if you're ever feeling lonely in the future feel free to hit me up on instagram or through email. we can send memes or you can fill me in on the history of that rainbow-barfing doodle guy you post to your stories, or something like that. :)

hey thanks so much for this! I didn't reply right away but it certainly made me feel loads better <3
and I'm happy you noticed the rainbow barfing dude! that's a story for another day though


and as for everyone else honestly i'm very mentally exhausted right now and don't have the capacity or capability to offer words of comfort right now but know that someone always cares, and kidpub will always be your safe place. Love you all!

SilverMoon 01-16-2019 11:44 PM

lol I experience a minor stressor and immediately completely shut down from stress bc im just that fuckin useless and give up too easily bc im afraid of pain im dumb

Garrett 01-17-2019 01:39 AM

so im currently taking a creative writing class in college, and i guess it never occurred to me that some people aren't comfortable sharing their writing with others??? i guess because of kidpub i have become accustomed to having other people read and (constructively) criticize my writing.
anyway, taking this class has led me to realize that i am an attention whore when it comes to sharing my writing. i always want to share it. i always want feedback and reassurance.

Zelda 01-17-2019 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601748)
I was going to vent here but my problems don't matter compared to what you all go through. Wow. Long story short: I'm feeling really empty n sad n not my crazy happy self lately n I mean I just wish the girl who I trusted so much (my ex bff) never existed so I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so alone.

hey, you're problems are just a valid and important as anyone's. Other people have problems does not diminish your problems. I don't know what happened between you and your friend but it sounds like it was rough. I can't offer much help, but I promise you'll feel better about this eventually. In the meantime, if you want to talk you can always reach me here; punkyhead.re@gmail.com

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601748)
Re, as for you, we are here and could always help you edit. You have contact with some of us, right? I'm sure you do. Don't know if your story is child safe, but my email is up on the contact thread on randomize if you ever need a different perspective.

Thanks u! I found a critique partner over on wattpad but thanks for the offer, it means a lot :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601751)
iím so sorry youíre struggling with that, that sounds terrible. if you ever want to talk you can always message me. you will get through this and come out the other side i promise

hey thanks, I really appreciate your response and I've actually been feeling a lot better since venting. c:

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601755)
hey thanks so much for this! I didn't reply right away but it certainly made me feel loads better <3
and I'm happy you noticed the rainbow barfing dude! that's a story for another day though

hey, glad to hear that. I hope you get your mental energy back soon ^v^

Gracithe1andonly 01-17-2019 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garrett (Post 601766)
so im currently taking a creative writing class in college, and i guess it never occurred to me that some people aren't comfortable sharing their writing with others??? i guess because of kidpub i have become accustomed to having other people read and (constructively) criticize my writing.
anyway, taking this class has led me to realize that i am an attention whore when it comes to sharing my writing. i always want to share it. i always want feedback and reassurance.

oh my gosh, I'm taking a high school/college creative writing class right now and I'm in the same boat, I'm in my comfort zone and maybe 3 other people are too, but the other 6 are very embarrassed
lol I do not live on bread alone but on every comment on my writing that comes from the mouth of my teachers and classmates

Swallowtail 01-17-2019 12:05 PM

me: hey one of my friends just hung himself
my dad: you okay? yes? good. talk to faculty.
me: hey i want to shave my head
my dad: are you ok??? is this a cry for attention? a cry for help? don’t shave your head! are you alright? what’s going on? don’t shave your head!

Gracithe1andonly 01-17-2019 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601771)
me: hey one of my friends just hung himself
my dad: you okay? yes? good. talk to faculty.
me: hey i want to shave my head
my dad: are you ok??? is this a cry for attention? a cry for help? don’t shave your head! are you alright? what’s going on? don’t shave your head!

there are moments that the words don't reach, indeed

I keep seeing your posts and wanting to send you love and sympathy but I don't know how, this awkward indirect confession's all I got. But I'm prayin for you and I hope things get better <3

Garrett 01-17-2019 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly (Post 601769)
oh my gosh, I'm taking a high school/college creative writing class right now and I'm in the same boat, I'm in my comfort zone and maybe 3 other people are too, but the other 6 are very embarrassed
lol I do not live on bread alone but on every comment on my writing that comes from the mouth of my teachers and classmates

exactly like i donít care if itís good or bad i just need to share and i need feedback!! i have around 25 people in my class. i wish it was smaller but alas, it is not. we were paired up tuesday and the i asked the guy i was with why he was taking this class and he was like ďmy friend dragged me into itĒ and i was like ďohh okayĒ and he threw the question back it me and i was like ďbc i love it lolĒ

smartgal00 01-17-2019 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garrett (Post 601766)
so im currently taking a creative writing class in college, and i guess it never occurred to me that some people aren't comfortable sharing their writing with others??? i guess because of kidpub i have become accustomed to having other people read and (constructively) criticize my writing.
anyway, taking this class has led me to realize that i am an attention whore when it comes to sharing my writing. i always want to share it. i always want feedback and reassurance.

Dude, even with being on KP, I still hate other people reading what I write - I also, barely posted anything, so...

Werty 01-18-2019 03:45 PM

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

why don't i fit in with these people?

is it because i'm younger?

nah, sy and i are the same age i'm pretty sure

no...

i'm an extrovert

Syafai 01-18-2019 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601784)
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

why don't i fit in with these people?

is it because i'm younger?

nah, sy and i are the same age i'm pretty sure

no...

i'm an extrovert


ambivert here
ish
i don't know what i am
sometimes i can't tell
i should do one of those really long and honestish personality tests that say what i am with those really detailed questions
hmm
ill come back to this in a sec

Gracithe1andonly 01-18-2019 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601784)
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

why don't i fit in with these people?

is it because i'm younger?

nah, sy and i are the same age i'm pretty sure

no...

i'm an extrovert

we're all different here :P

I don't exactly know what "fitting in" on KP would look like, but I hope it helps to know that I have fun writing with you

also @sy idk if i'm introverted or extraverted either, i'm getting very mixed signals here ://

Garrett 01-19-2019 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly (Post 601786)
we're all different here :P

I don't exactly know what "fitting in" on KP would look like, but I hope it helps to know that I have fun writing with you

also @sy idk if i'm introverted or extraverted either, i'm getting very mixed signals here ://

i've also always experienced mixed signals. sometimes im like everyone get away from me or die i want to be alone and never speak again, and sometimes i can be super energetic and talkative and want to meet and greet everyone i come in contact with. idk its a very strange experience bc i never know which im feeling like until something happens to make me realize it.

FrostBittenKitten 01-19-2019 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601784)
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

why don't i fit in with these people?

is it because i'm younger?

nah, sy and i are the same age i'm pretty sure

no...

i'm an extrovert

Iím also an extrovert, or at least an ambivert, but I have a bit of social anxiety which makes it hard to talk to people...

Werty 01-19-2019 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FrostBittenKitten (Post 601790)
Iím also an extrovert, or at least an ambivert, but I have a bit of social anxiety which makes it hard to talk to people...

I was already thinking you were going to say something like that bc you're a theatre kid such as myself

Zelda 01-19-2019 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601784)
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

why don't i fit in with these people?

is it because i'm younger?

nah, sy and i are the same age i'm pretty sure

no...

i'm an extrovert

idk i think you fit pretty well here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly (Post 601786)
also @sy idk if i'm introverted or extraverted either, i'm getting very mixed signals here ://

Quote:

Originally Posted by Garrett (Post 601788)
i've also always experienced mixed signals. sometimes im like everyone get away from me or die i want to be alone and never speak again, and sometimes i can be super energetic and talkative and want to meet and greet everyone i come in contact with. idk its a very strange experience bc i never know which im feeling like until something happens to make me realize it.

y'all are social introverts like my brother, rather than asocial introverts like me. people commonly assume being introverted means being asocial, but it's actually very normal for introverts to like being around people and crave human interactions :)

FrostBittenKitten 01-19-2019 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 601792)
I was already thinking you were going to say something like that bc you're a theatre kid such as myself

Haha yeah

(Although a lot of the theatre kids I know are actually introverts...Iím just basic lol)

Syafai 01-20-2019 02:22 PM

some people at school began to know me by crazy mood swing ambivert girl ever since a *couGH*good*cOuGH* friend of mine accidentally let out "(insert name that you all already know but i don't like saying) gets mOoD sWiNgS"����i had one the next day i found out she said it lmAO
she told my best friend that I'm going to have one and ditch her because i always used to do it her?? like??? please???
my god
like the only reason why she knows these things about me is because our parents are friends we always had each other's back i didn't tell her 99% of my secrets just so she can go around telling her fellas >:/
edit: i was genuinely hurt tho
like
my heart
just
egh
edit #2: but please
if you're a person like me
with really bad mood swings
99% chance you're an ambivert
no doubt
but i don't want to make assumptions
maybe you're not an ambivert but the same things happen to you but
ehm
o k

FrostBittenKitten 01-20-2019 04:37 PM

Ugh being an extrovert is hard when you have no friends

venika 01-20-2019 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601699)
heyyyy!!!! Seeing you just made things 200% better tbh! I hope you've been alright; studying sucks and I was busy with it too but I gave up on finals since I desperately need room to breathe, and I'm going to pass all my classes either way lol
I missed you so much and ofc I remember you!!!

ahhh sorry for the late reply coincidentally i've been busy with exams too but im free now!! omg missed u too wow it's been forever :(( u should hmu on tumblr or ig or something

HannahChen2009 01-20-2019 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by venika (Post 601806)
ahhh sorry for the late reply coincidentally i've been busy with exams too but im free now!! omg missed u too wow it's been forever :(( u should hmu on tumblr or ig or something

what's your instagram!! i'm @echomoon_ we should def talk more <33
honestly one of the best things about this website is truly the friendships we made along the way, as cliche as it sounds

venika 01-24-2019 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601807)
what's your instagram!! i'm @echomoon_ we should def talk more <33
honestly one of the best things about this website is truly the friendships we made along the way, as cliche as it sounds

i actually think i follow you it must've completely slipped my mind! i'm finnyv on there haha
also RIGHT!!! it's cheesy but true tbh

HannahChen2009 01-24-2019 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by venika (Post 601827)
i actually think i follow you it must've completely slipped my mind! i'm finnyv on there haha
also RIGHT!!! it's cheesy but true tbh

oh yeah we actually do follow each other lmaooo
Sorry I shitpost a lot in my stories and it's mostly in Chinese lol but we should def talk more on there <3
I was stalking my own favs today and it turned into stalking some of my old kidpub friends which is very nostalgic and I miss that!! it truly is nothing less than magical to reconnect with some of you all after all these years

Swallowtail 01-27-2019 05:22 PM

there’s this kid who went here who raped one of my friends, sexually assaulted a few others, and bullied/spread lies about another of my friends which helped contribute to his suicide. and today (four months since owen died) we gathered all his shit that he left on campus, burned it, and stomped on the ashes and it was great.

Swallowtail 01-27-2019 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601832)
there’s this kid who went here who raped one of my friends, sexually assaulted a few others, and bullied/spread lies about another of my friends which helped contribute to his suicide. and today (four months since owen died) we gathered all his shit that he left on campus, burned it, and stomped on the ashes and it was great.

like FUCK HIM what a piece of SHIT if there’s a hell i hope he rots there. he was so disgustingly manipulative and terrifying- i’m lucky he never put me on any of his lists but he still threatened me violently for tiny things and urged me to self-harm. he BOUGHT people KNIVES to cut themselves with. he did some horrible things to lovely people. he hated owen so much and when he saw owen at a low point and vulnerable he latched on and the moment owen “disrespected him” (made a fucking JOKE) turned on him and spread lies and convinced others to hate him. oh and then when owen hung himself he called people on campus threatening suicide himself if people didn’t meet his demands. he bought another of my friends matching knives with him and made up a game with her (which she couldn’t end out of fear) where whoever cut deepest or in the riskiest places won. like FUCK HIM. another of my friends thinks toren did some shit to him but he can’t tell because he doesn’t have any MEMORIES of it. all he knows is that something happened. he consciously tried to fuel my + my friends’ eating disorders and problems with self harm. he fucked up so many peoples lives. fucking die bitch

Swallowtail 01-28-2019 04:31 PM

cool cool i like just stopped randomly shaking uncontrollably bc of thinking about this fall (now it’s only when i talk about it) and now! guess what! i’m so anxious again bc people are such fucking jerks that again i can’t stop fucking shaking!

HannahChen2009 01-29-2019 12:04 PM

I see you venting swallow and emotionally I want to help, but tbh mentally perhaps I don't have the capacity to help you deal with your negative experiences without damaging my own (recovering but fragile) mental health.
However I still want to reach out and say that you're not alone, this always will be your safe place, and you will find peace, hopefully soon. As Ena said (which is my Sig, which I absolutely love,) it gets easier, even if it never stops being hard.
Hang in there friend <33

Swallowtail 01-29-2019 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601839)
I see you venting swallow and emotionally I want to help, but tbh mentally perhaps I don't have the capacity to help you deal with your negative experiences without damaging my own (recovering but fragile) mental health.
However I still want to reach out and say that you're not alone, this always will be your safe place, and you will find peace, hopefully soon. As Ena said (which is my Sig, which I absolutely love,) it gets easier, even if it never stops being hard.
Hang in there friend <33

it’s so fine! would you rather i whited out my posts? i want to make sure you’re ok and that you feel comfortable on here as well. thanks for the support <3

SilverMoon 01-29-2019 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannahChen2009 (Post 601839)
I see you venting swallow and emotionally I want to help, but tbh mentally perhaps I don't have the capacity to help you deal with your negative experiences without damaging my own (recovering but fragile) mental health.
However I still want to reach out and say that you're not alone, this always will be your safe place, and you will find peace, hopefully soon. As Ena said (which is my Sig, which I absolutely love,) it gets easier, even if it never stops being hard.
Hang in there friend <33

hey I said it to u but a lovely fellow writer actually deserves the credit for this,
https://www.wattpad.com/user/mikkisamak
Although I actually got it from a fanfic of theirs from their fandom blog
https://umisabaku.tumblr.com/
JSYK i'd feel bad taking credit for it u^u

Swallowtail 01-29-2019 10:13 PM

faculty for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
students for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
mental health professionals for the past four months: hey don’t talk about graphic/upsetting details about owens death
some DS who thinks she’s hot shit: i just wanna say how fucked up it is that benji brought his bedsheets out onto the fire escape pretending like he was gonna do the same thing owen did

and like that was upsetting enough for me, but you wanna know who else was there in that DS meeting? owens ex. two of his best friends. a boy who held owen in his lap and had to watch him die. and now she’s annoyed that people got up and left after hearing that like no duh

HannahChen2009 01-30-2019 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 601841)
itís so fine! would you rather i whited out my posts? i want to make sure youíre ok and that you feel comfortable on here as well. thanks for the support <3

its alright, reading about it is fine but talking/back and forth/emotional support is still slightly draining for me
I appreciate the concern and like I said, I really do hope you find peace soon <3


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