The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

TheAshWolf 12-02-2012 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371709)
You're such a scum... I can't believe how different we are, and the fact that these differences are what makes me able to blame me on you...

Well that doesn't sound good. o__o You alright, Cass?

TheAshWolf 12-02-2012 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371622)
Buckle in, guise, and prepare yourself for one of Sandy's rants. ._.



I don't know if it's the insane amount of coffee I've been consuming--probably is--but I've been feeling so weird lately. I feel like it's something I should be trying to express with music or art or anything, anything but words, because it's so... god. It's so hard to describe/reach, and it's so fleeting, but it's something that's been bothering me nonetheless. It's like caught between nostalgia, frustration, confusion, apathy... huh. It's so very strange.
Here goes my best shot...
I've been overthinking things--as usual--and that leads to all sorts of strange thoughts. Plus, it's winter, and all sorts of weird things happen in my brain during winter... I'm living in the future. Which is always much better than living in the past, I mean, but it makes the things around me so difficult to understand. Most of my thoughts have to do with the fact that I'm in high school... I feel like I should be an adult by now, but my mind knows that this is not true. For the first time, I'm truly caught in the rift between childhood and adulthood--at least, my mind is. I feel like I should have a boyfriend, or a crush, or SOMETHING, but a part of me feels like I'm not ready, another part feels like I wouldn't have time for them, another part just doesn't care. I feel like I should be... I don't know. I feel like I've already broken the childish need for parents to be around, so naturally I suppose it's going to be awkward living in the same house for the next couple years. I guess I'm just anxious for my life to begin, but at the same time there are parts that I don't want to get into, like relationships and stuff... yeah.
I don't want to live on this side of life anymore--does that make sense? It's got absolutely nothing to do with suicide, that phase is long gone, thank freaking god. I want to abandon this physical world where my mind has kept control of me for so long (I am extremely pragmatic and logical by personality), dig into the ground, and keep going until I get to the other side of life, the one that's full of meaning and that euphoric bliss that you get sometimes when something amazing happens. But to do that, or even to experience that I suppose I have to find something of meaning in life, which isn't going to happen. :I So instead I'm going to sit here and let the time rush by me, WAITING for something to change. :/ When is life supposed to truly begin?

This is going to be one of those days where I don't put anything in my mouth expect for some bread at breakfast and then just coffee for the rest of the day until I go to bed... ._. I feel dead, but not in a sad way. Just dead... no emotion to the word. Dead or dying. "Lingering."

(*takes sip of coffee*)
I need a workout.
Pretty sure that's not gonna happen either.
._.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzGgX1DihPw

....Yeahhh, might just be the coffee. XDD <:^D

Either way, I'm sorry you've been feeling like that. <:^/ I can't say that I can identify with all of that, but I DO know how you feel about being caught between adulthood and childhood. ._. I've been feeling like that for years.

How about you just take it slow today? Eat more than just bread, and TRY not to drink more than two cups of coffee. <:^D

O_O AWESOME PIANO PLAYER OH MY GOSH he's like Beethoven or something. 8D

maxi 12-02-2012 04:30 PM

8D YAY. MISSING SCHOOL
i

Sandy 12-02-2012 05:24 PM

Saw that one coming.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 371714)
FFFFF--What the heck happened?

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 371715)
Well that doesn't sound good. o__o You alright, Cass?

My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

TheAshWolf 12-02-2012 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)
My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

o_O What in the...?

... *moment of stunned silence* No offense, but they sound like they've become irresponsible teenagers. o___o Getting drunk, coming home at ungodly hours, addicted to texting......

Oh my gosh, Cass, please don't cry! ;w; *glomps* I'm so so SO sorry you and your brother have to put up with this. Please don't let yourself slip into the mindset of being a bad kid just because they're being bad parents. Don't dink to their level. I honestly have no answer for you as to why they're doing this...I've never heard of parents just losing it like this. ._. Just try to keep and eye on your brother and let him know that you're here for him even though your parents don't seem to be. <:^/

At least you haven't done anything self-destructive, yeah... <:^D

Tell me if there's anything I can to do help you feel better about this, Sandy. I care about you a lot, you know that... >w<

cheezemziez 12-02-2012 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)
My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to the two of you, Sandy. I can't really blame you for not respecting them as much, it's awful for them to do that to their own children.

But please don't let it affect how you are. They've made a few questionable choices recently, but you've got to remember that you can be better than them. Don't hurt yourself for this. You won't be like that, and none of it's your fault.

AlgebraAddict 12-02-2012 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 371387)
And to think I wished to gone submitted into the choir just to go to Vienna.


Yay!



I know that feeling. My parents don't care whether I'm atheist or deist or whatever, they are atheists too, but I had a teacher in primary school--she was luckily, a sub--who tried to make me believe in God -_-
We've both got lying, hypocritical dads, then. My dad lets me have my own beliefs, doesn't care about who my friends are, but he lies about the stupidest things that make me very het up for no reason.


I had a teacher for this one-day-a-week thing that tried to convert us all to perfect little Christians like her. Catholics are evil (considering that my church is the closest church to catholic out there, I assume this means we are also evil), Muslims are all out to destroy the world, and we aren't all allowed into heaven because God's too holy to share his place with sinners.

Isn't that, like, exactly what the pharasies were yelling at Jesus for doing? Going into the homes of sinners and *gasp* talking to them? Because he should have been too holy?

Anyway, she was a pain to live with for one day a week. I'm glad I'm rid of her. And... yeah.

...

So I came here to rant about speech therapy, but there's not much to say.

She is an evil, evil, evil woman. I hate her. She asks me how many friends I have at school. I say four, randomly, although the truth is I am technically friends with like fifteen people at school. She marks four down on her little sheet. She asks me how many friends I had before I started speech therapy.

Four.

She marks that down too.

"Why do you ask?" I ask her. She says, "I just was curious."

"Are you sure that you didn't think I'd not have any friends because I talk funny?" I blurt out.

"No, of course not," she says. As usual, it sounded like she was adding a BUT in her head.

CACrools 12-02-2012 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 371857)
So I came here to rant about speech therapy, but there's not much to say.

She is an evil, evil, evil woman. I hate her. She asks me how many friends I have at school. I say four, randomly, although the truth is I am technically friends with like fifteen people at school. She marks four down on her little sheet. She asks me how many friends I had before I started speech therapy.

Four.

She marks that down too.

"Why do you ask?" I ask her. She says, "I just was curious."

"Are you sure that you didn't think I'd not have any friends because I talk funny?" I blurt out.

"No, of course not," she says. As usual, it sounded like she was adding a BUT in her head.

I'm sorry, Esther. I never did it (I guess my speech was okay), so I don't know any advice for that, but just get through it, maybe on days that you have it, have a "reward" waiting for you at home. I know that sounds absolutly stupid, but I did it on days that I had a class I hated, and then I felt a little better about it. *hugs and squeezes* It's gonna be fine!

12-02-2012 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 371857)
I had a teacher for this one-day-a-week thing that tried to convert us all to perfect little Christians like her. Catholics are evil (considering that my church is the closest church to catholic out there, I assume this means we are also evil), Muslims are all out to destroy the world, and we aren't all allowed into heaven because God's too holy to share his place with sinners.

Isn't that, like, exactly what the pharasies were yelling at Jesus for doing? Going into the homes of sinners and *gasp* talking to them? Because he should have been too holy?

Anyway, she was a pain to live with for one day a week. I'm glad I'm rid of her. And... yeah.

...

So I came here to rant about speech therapy, but there's not much to say.

She is an evil, evil, evil woman. I hate her. She asks me how many friends I have at school. I say four, randomly, although the truth is I am technically friends with like fifteen people at school. She marks four down on her little sheet. She asks me how many friends I had before I started speech therapy.

Four.

She marks that down too.

"Why do you ask?" I ask her. She says, "I just was curious."

"Are you sure that you didn't think I'd not have any friends because I talk funny?" I blurt out.

"No, of course not," she says. As usual, it sounded like she was adding a BUT in her head.


Oh, don't feel bad. I had to do speech too, from preschool until second grade. My speech problem was how I got into preschool. :/ I'm still a little self conscious of my speech because I sometimes slur, but whatever. Haters gonna hate.

maxi 12-03-2012 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)
My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

.___. Oh, a parent problem. ;w; That can happen, Cass. I'm so sorry about this. Parents--especially ones who are mean (I'm not pointing to ANYONE in particular here, okay?)--can be one of the meanest parent/s of all. ,_, You can feel empty, feel like there is no fairness in the world--anything.
Though, you need to remember they can still love you for who you are--
They DO love you for who you are.
Writing is a good way of experimenting stuff and, if there is an emotional scene in Vladimir's Mansion, let it out into that--see if Mitchell, Vladimir or any characters has something to say. P:
WHAT. Don't cry, Sandy, I swear that you'll be fine.
You know what? You know better than your mom to tell you that you can't go along with your bother. )':
It will...will...be okay.
I need to rant about something soon. >_>


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