The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Lily09 02-11-2013 08:09 PM

THIS FAMILY HAS NO SENSE OF PRIVACY WHAT THE EFF
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT KNOCKING IS

ugh

Lily09 02-11-2013 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 422270)
THIS FAMILY HAS NO SENSE OF PRIVACY WHAT THE EFF
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT KNOCKING IS

ugh

and if you can't knock can you at least close the fricking door

Sandy 02-11-2013 08:16 PM

Hi, EVT...
 
Lily09, thanks for your post about everyone's problems mattering.
I really need to talk to someone right now but I'm scared I'm going to get bashed... this thread has been taking a lot of beatings lately.
I guess you're way I'm able to talk about this right now. :/ I know for sure that I really need to say this, doesn't really matter if no one reads it.
I'm not going to shrink it or white-text it... that just makes people want to read it more. XD

....
I don't ever know what's going on with my parents. All I ever get to know is what I hear from overheard conversations at four in the morning. I don't know where my mom is most of the time, I don't think she even knows I'm here. My happiest times are when I'm alone in the house and there's no one here to be scared of. School has become my escape, and I never want to leave. Sitting here in these walls, under this roof, it's nothing but terror--I jump at every sound, I can't get to sleep at night, I'm too scared to leave my room. I don't want to talk to anyone in my family, ever. I don't want to be related to these people. I don't care so much, it hurts. In other words... I'm so apathetic now, I'm lingering on hopelessness.

The only reason I love my family at this point is because they pay for my stuff.
Is it wrong to wish that my parents would split up so I wouldn't have to dread it anymore? I can't take this uncertainty.

This was my Christmas present--now it's my Valentine's day present too.
The problems involving my parents, alcohol, and the post-party regrets and fights (occasionally fistfights) that they have have had some effects on me. I'm more motivated at school, because I'm fighting to get a scholarship that can take me far, far away from here to a place where my family can never visit.
However, I'm depressed. I don't have the motivation to exercise. Like I said, I can't get to sleep. I'm utterly terrified, even when I'm in my room. (I'm in my room from the time I get home from school to the time I go to bed on school days.)
And also, I'm getting really warped insecurities about love between a man and a woman (or man and man/woman and woman/I'm just using this as an example to illustrate a point). My self-esteem has plunged in the space of a day or two from doing pretty well to almost nothing again, and I'm starting to notice the things that I only noticed in my friends who have divorced parents before now: this strange desperation, this urge to cling to anyone, something I'm unfamiliar with.

Since the beginning of this, there's nothing between us anymore--our relationship was already rocky enough. I can't even talk to her now. It makes part of me sad, but most of me just doesn't care.

I guess the one good thing that's come out of this is that I will never, ever, ever

touch



alcohol.

I hate you, alcohol

LaurenM 02-11-2013 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 422276)
Lily09, thanks for your post about everyone's problems mattering.
I really need to talk to someone right now but I'm scared I'm going to get bashed... this thread has been taking a lot of beatings lately.
I guess you're way I'm able to talk about this right now. :/ I know for sure that I really need to say this, doesn't really matter if no one reads it.
I'm not going to shrink it or white-text it... that just makes people want to read it more. XD

....
I don't ever know what's going on with my parents. All I ever get to know is what I hear from overheard conversations at four in the morning. I don't know where my mom is most of the time, I don't think she even knows I'm here. My happiest times are when I'm alone in the house and there's no one here to be scared of. School has become my escape, and I never want to leave. Sitting here in these walls, under this roof, it's nothing but terror--I jump at every sound, I can't get to sleep at night, I'm too scared to leave my room. I don't want to talk to anyone in my family, ever. I don't want to be related to these people. I don't care so much, it hurts. In other words... I'm so apathetic now, I'm lingering on hopelessness.

The only reason I love my family at this point is because they pay for my stuff.
Is it wrong to wish that my parents would split up so I wouldn't have to dread it anymore? I can't take this uncertainty.

This was my Christmas present--now it's my Valentine's day present too.
The problems involving my parents, alcohol, and the post-party regrets and fights (occasionally fistfights) that they have have had some effects on me. I'm more motivated at school, because I'm fighting to get a scholarship that can take me far, far away from here to a place where my family can never visit.
However, I'm depressed. I don't have the motivation to exercise. Like I said, I can't get to sleep. I'm utterly terrified, even when I'm in my room. (I'm in my room from the time I get home from school to the time I go to bed on school days.)
And also, I'm getting really warped insecurities about love between a man and a woman (or man and man/woman and woman/I'm just using this as an example to illustrate a point). My self-esteem has plunged in the space of a day or two from doing pretty well to almost nothing again, and I'm starting to notice the things that I only noticed in my friends who have divorced parents before now: this strange desperation, this urge to cling to anyone, something I'm unfamiliar with.

Since the beginning of this, there's nothing between us anymore--our relationship was already rocky enough. I can't even talk to her now. It makes part of me sad, but most of me just doesn't care.

I guess the one good thing that's come out of this is that I will never, ever, ever

touch



alcohol.

I hate you, alcohol

So they are alcoholics?
I know how you feel. In a way. My parents' relationship is very unstable and I don't go a day without hearing them bickering, mostly shouting or arguing. My dad overreacts a lot and yesterday he snatched the sugar jar off the tableland threw it to the floor. It smashed of course. I just want all these madness to stop. I sometimes wish for a divorce but yet I don't. I love them a lot and absolutely despise them at the same time.

soph-soph27 02-11-2013 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueMi (Post 422162)
You see the reason I never respond to your posts is I have nothing to say. Seriously, sometimes I come on KidPub, and the only thing I do it go to your page, look at your recent posts, and read all of them. Yes, I'm a freaking stalker but I just want to make sure you're okay. And it's gotten to a point where you're not okay and I know you're not ok and it kills me inside but I'm just speechless. Because somehow, even when you're buried in self-hate and have dug yourself into a mile-deep pit of depression, every word you type sounds poetic and beautiful and it breaks my heart.
You scare me sometimes, Heather. You make me put down my iPod, wordlessly walk to to my room and sit on my bed, staring at the wall and letting tears run down my face silently. Only to later wipe them away, get dressed and go do some random shit with random people that will never mean anything to me that I'll just forget the next day and I remember how we still reference random things that have happened when we were together and if it wasn't with you I wouldn't have even remembered these things but the company makes all the difference.
I know I've been mean to you lately. I've changed, I am fully-aware. My mom actually, literally called me a "fashionista mall-rat bitch" on Saturday... no lie, those are her words. I was so mad at her at the time, but she's right. I've turned into your typical self-centered meal girl and I'm so so so so sorry. I don't know if I can even ever change, it's like this personality is the new me. It was just an act for a while but now it's like this IS me, I am this bitch permanently, this bitch right out of Mean Girls and I'm so sorry.
But I will still do everything in my power to keep you as well as possible. And I realize I'm way too late, I've ignored you too long and you're destroyed and I'm sorry for being horrible but I hope you'll find it somehwere in your heart to forgive and hopefully someday soon we can mend this broken friendship. </3

I love you so much.

I saw this quoted by Heather. I can't really respond to it- you know I have a talent for butting into other conversations- but I just want to say- thank you.

HeatherB 02-11-2013 09:01 PM

fuck it
fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it
fuck it fuck it fufkcufkfukfufkuckf
fuckfufuckfukcfufkfuckfukffuckfucukuf
oh hello tears
hahahahahahahah please go away
fufufuckfufkucfkcukf
WHY
this should not hurt me
this should not hurt m
e thishosudl not hurt me
this shoudle rnot hurt me
this sheould not dhurt mr
thsi shtoUZLDNOT HUTJRMVE
THISSHDOUL TNOS FUCKNG HRuT ME
WHY DOES THS HURT ME
IDON'T UNDerstnDNA
I'M SO FUCKING STUPID
WHY
AM I SO GODDAMN FRaGILE
I'M LITErLLY JuS SIttiNG HERE CRYING
BECAUse
MY DAD
SAID SOME sHITTY WORS TO ME
THAT SHouldN"T MEAN ANYTIGN
AND THEY DONT'
BUT
I STIlL HATE mYSelf
SO
FUCK FUCKFucfkufkufKFUFKUFUKCFKuUKFckufc
i wasn't gonna harm tonight
but i think iw ill
ok
bye

soph-soph27 02-11-2013 09:03 PM

Guess what.




I



don't





give




any



fucks



go die
in a hole

L.S.Trendom 02-11-2013 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 422336)
fuck it
fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it
fuck it fuck it fufkcufkfukfufkuckf
fuckfufuckfukcfufkfuckfukffuckfucukuf
oh hello tears
hahahahahahahah please go away
fufufuckfufkucfkcukf
WHY
this should not hurt me
this should not hurt m
e thishosudl not hurt me
this shoudle rnot hurt me
this sheould not dhurt mr
thsi shtoUZLDNOT HUTJRMVE
THISSHDOUL TNOS FUCKNG HRuT ME
WHY DOES THS HURT ME
IDON'T UNDerstnDNA
I'M SO FUCKING STUPID
WHY
AM I SO GODDAMN FRaGILE
I'M LITErLLY JuS SIttiNG HERE CRYING
BECAUse
MY DAD
SAID SOME sHITTY WORS TO ME
THAT SHouldN"T MEAN ANYTIGN
AND THEY DONT'
BUT
I STIlL HATE mYSelf
SO
FUCK FUCKFucfkufkufKFUFKUFUKCFKuUKFckufc
i wasn't gonna harm tonight
but i think iw ill
ok
bye

*hugs* DON'T! If your dad said anything bad about you, he's wrong—you're a great person and you don't deserve to be hurt, and you don't deserve to want to hurt yourself.

Sandy 02-11-2013 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 422308)
So they are alcoholics?
I know how you feel. In a way. My parents' relationship is very unstable and I don't go a day without hearing them bickering, mostly shouting or arguing. My dad overreacts a lot and yesterday he snatched the sugar jar off the tableland threw it to the floor. It smashed of course. I just want all these madness to stop. I sometimes wish for a divorce but yet I don't. I love them a lot and absolutely despise them at the same time.

Thanks for responding, LST. :/

To be honest, I don't know. I wish I did--but none of them talk to me. I think that's what made me hate them the most, the fact that they think they can/should hide it. I wish they would just be straight up about what's going on, but really it's too late. I have no respect for them.
It's not as bad with my dad as it is with my mom. My mom is just... ugh... and my dad is too good to leave her.
Instead of my dad doing that, it is/was my mom. She smashes a lot of things, she's a very angry person. I've learned that much. My dad just sits and watches her, occasionally yelling.
Everything about them makes me just want to die... I know it sounds weird but I can't really explain this feeling any other way.
I'm so, so confused with my life as it is--I don't know why I need this on top of everything.
:(

LaurenM 02-11-2013 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 422373)
Thanks for responding, LST. :/

To be honest, I don't know. I wish I did--but none of them talk to me. I think that's what made me hate them the most, the fact that they think they can/should hide it. I wish they would just be straight up about what's going on, but really it's too late. I have no respect for them.
It's not as bad with my dad as it is with my mom. My mom is just... ugh... and my dad is too good to leave her.
Instead of my dad doing that, it is/was my mom. She smashes a lot of things, she's a very angry person. I've learned that much. My dad just sits and watches her, occasionally yelling.
Everything about them makes me just want to die... I know it sounds weird but I can't really explain this feeling any other way.
I'm so, so confused with my life as it is--I don't know why I need this on top of everything.
:(

Read my username again xD
She smashes a LOT of things?
I hope they somehow straighten it up. My mum thinks they can do it and my dad seems determined to stop that from happening from his bickering :rolleyes:


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