The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Lily09 04-07-2013 02:39 PM

maybe if you had believed me id be more willing to tell you things.
maybe if you had believed me i wouldn't be so scared to tell anyone else i know in person.
because
you know
things like this
happen
to real people.
just because someone doesn't look like the type of person to do something, doesn't mean they didnt do it.
i guess lie to yourself and say 'that doesnt happen' if it keeps you safe.
if it makes you feel better
or normal.
if it makes you feel like im not fucked up beyond suicidal thoughts and self harming.
thanks, by the way.

Lily09 04-07-2013 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 448427)
maybe if you had believed me id be more willing to tell you things.
maybe if you had believed me i wouldn't be so scared to tell anyone else i know in person.
because
you know
things like this
happen
to real people.
just because someone doesn't look like the type of person to do something, doesn't mean they didnt do it.
i guess lie to yourself and say 'that doesnt happen' if it keeps you safe.
if it makes you feel better
or normal.
if it makes you feel like im not fucked up beyond suicidal thoughts and self harming.
thanks, by the way.

and you know, i kind of lied to myself too?
'its all over and ill be fine, it will be okay.'
i even thought to myself
'nothing happened, just a normal summer, okay, lily? nothing.'
but you can't bury memories away forever, you know? they'll eventually come back and hit you hard and
i just want the flashbacks and the nightmares to stop and i just wish, i just wish that i could go away half the time so i wouldnt have to remember anything.

L.S.Trendom 04-07-2013 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 448400)
excuse me therapist lady
but
you
do
not
get
it
at
all
stop trying to pit one of my best friends as the complete enemy against me and stop it with your stupid "associates, not friends" talk and stop it with your "well i was very popular when i was your age BUT I CAN STILL RELATED HAHAHSAHG:LGH" and stop it with your f**king ridiculousness about the entire thing and stop telling me that because i'm a libra i'm 'curious and smart' like you're a f**king fortune teller and stop stop stop stop stop stop
i knew this wouldn't end well
and we haven't even started talking about the depression yet

>__________________>

<__________________<

but you know what, i will keep going to you. because i believe that even though you are overly dramatic and annoying and don't really care about me (not that you SHOULD care about me, but then again, isn't that what my parents are paying you for?), i think that it's worth it to go if it means my parents think that i'm less depressed and more happy and getting better as opposed to the opposite which is, of course, exactly what i am: more depressed and less happy and getting worse so fast i can almost see the cliff i'm gonna throw myself off of.
but so long as i can keep them under the impression and the lie that i'm fine, it will be fine. for them.

Ugh, therapy sounds like it's going to be fun.

No. *hugs* You need to get better… and how you feel is so much more important than your parents not being stressed about you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 448427)
maybe if you had believed me id be more willing to tell you things.
maybe if you had believed me i wouldn't be so scared to tell anyone else i know in person.
because
you know
things like this
happen
to real people.
just because someone doesn't look like the type of person to do something, doesn't mean they didnt do it.
i guess lie to yourself and say 'that doesnt happen' if it keeps you safe.
if it makes you feel better
or normal.
if it makes you feel like im not fucked up beyond suicidal thoughts and self harming.
thanks, by the way.

*hugs*
It's okay if you're fucked up… It sucks, but you're still awesome, and you're strong enough to get through it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 448428)
and you know, i kind of lied to myself too?
'its all over and ill be fine, it will be okay.'
i even thought to myself
'nothing happened, just a normal summer, okay, lily? nothing.'
but you can't bury memories away forever, you know? they'll eventually come back and hit you hard and
i just want the flashbacks and the nightmares to stop and i just wish, i just wish that i could go away half the time so i wouldnt have to remember anything.

I don't think you lied to yourself when you thought you'll be fine and it'll be okay. It'll happen, someday…
*hugs again*

AlgebraAddict 04-07-2013 04:04 PM

I don't get people. Or my friends.

I wonder if they would make fun of my music if they knew it's the only thing keeping me alive.


Confuzzled 04-07-2013 04:06 PM

Moi is leaving for good, just preparing you. I am writing a big, large sappy leaving post right now. :D

AlgebraAddict 04-07-2013 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 448437)
Moi is leaving for good, just preparing you. I am writing a big, large sappy leaving post right now. :D

Aaww. D:


music. in its most pure form.

LaurenM 04-07-2013 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 448454)
:D my room looks so much better asdfghjkl;'


Do they already make fun of it?
Don't worry. My friends hate/make fun of my music too. They're all "ugh it's emo music turn it off!!11!!1" e_e
you can keep going AA you can. for us?

god i'm a hypocrite ahha

BOTH OF YOU CAN.
i

MaryElizabeth 04-07-2013 08:15 PM

You said that I was the one making assumptions, but then you immediately call me selfish when I say I'm not comfortable with being apart of that group. I finally, finally tell you what I'm thinking--with much trouble--and you try and give me pity. I've fixed things before, and I'll do it again. Things are full of shit now, and why I won't tell you that is because I'm perfectly capable of trying to stop this. I've accepted that I'm actually depressed, and I'll fix it all without anyone else's sympathy. So back the fuck off, because I don't feel too fond of you at the moment.

BearWithAStrawberry 04-07-2013 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 448472)
You said that I was the one making assumptions, but then you immediately call me selfish when I say I'm not comfortable with being apart of that group. I finally, finally tell you what I'm thinking--with much trouble--and you try and give me pity. I've fixed things before, and I'll do it again. Things are full of shit now, and why I won't tell you that is because I'm perfectly capable of trying to stop this. I've accepted that I'm actually depressed, and I'll fix it all without anyone else's sympathy. So back the fuck off, because I don't feel too fond of you at the moment.

oh hell to the no you aint making assumptions!
...uh O_O

take that as a compliment??

anyways, you dont want me to sympathize with you, so yeah.

wtf

i dont know what i just typed.
sorry

HeatherB 04-07-2013 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 448404)
what a fucking bitch cow

what the hell are you talking about me verbal abuse to you, i mean you're the one yelling at me, screaming at me to go away and i was just doing my fucking job. make up your goddamn mind okay. i hate you so much right now.

she's not that bad, i mean, she's just trying to help. just like every other fucking person in my life who's not a) you or b) online: trying to help, and failing, and I CAN'T TELL THEM THAT THEY FUCKING SUCK AT HELPING ME because they're not gonna back off anyways.
Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 448407)
She seems awful. Kidpub people can do better.
You've got to try and make it better for yourself as well, not just make sure over people are fine. Look at your friendly reminders and everything.

they most certainly fucking can.
but i don't matter as much. besides, killing myself is a dandy option considering that it's the only way my parents would ever get their heads out of their asses about me being 'perfect.' they don't realize that whenever they tell me how beautiful and perfect i am, they're literally just raising the metaphoric bar even higher. i am not allowed to think myself ugly. i am not allowed to get bad grades. i am not allowed to hate myself. i am not allowed to be anything less than perfect. the problem is, i AM.
Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 448435)
Ugh, therapy sounds like it's going to be fun.

doesn't it.


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